A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, thanks for looking at my question- I'll try to keep this brief! :)So I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we live together now.Anyway we both work full time but still agreed to a cheaper Christmas than usual - we would both spend under £100. We both bought each other perfume which would be our main presents to each other. However because I bought them online as they were a lot cheaper than in store, I bought my own present as well as his - he then gave me the money for my perfume.Well I made a real effort shopping for my boyfriend's other present, and have also got a few nice little presents in such as his favourite beer, etc. I hinted that I would love a new coffee mug (I love Disney and my current mug has cracked, most of the mugs in our cupboard are really cool ones I bought for him over the years and I wanted something cute and girly). He told me that he couldn't spend that on me because he has already spent too much money on me, and that 'if I knew what he had bought me, I wouldn't ask for anything else.' Truth is, I do know what he has bought and it's something I would never want (he dropped lots of hints and I know him well, plus the present came through the post and looks exactly like a what I suspected) - He bought me a Nintendo several years ago which I never use, and the present is the new Pokemon game for Nintendo. I would have much preferred something heartfelt or meaningful - I don't mean to sound materialistic but I just wish he'd made more of an effort and not just bought me something online. Should I hide my disappointment on Christmas Day or just be honest with him? I don't want to come across as ungrateful. Thanks! :)
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 December 2016):
 Maybe go out on the sales on boxing day and see if there are any nice disney mugs and treat yourself? Look sometimes women over think gifts. They wonder why there other half has not spent more time or made more effort. But mainly men just see something and think that you might like that. He probably had no clue about the mug. You picked the perfume that you liked. If you did not want to surprise each other then it is best to tell him what you do want.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2016): This is such a sensitive subject for me; because of my upbringing and my spiritual-beliefs. Here goes anyway.
I don't always like the gifts that I receive, but I appreciate them for the spirit of giving; and from whom they come. They are blessings. It's hard to find people these days who really give a sh*t, and only pretend to be friends or lovers when there's something to benefit from it. No, I don't always like the ties, or the colognes, or weird things; but I know they took time to buy it and kept me on their list.
Sometimes guys really find it difficult to shop for women; because they think like a guy. If you're poor, your purse is limited, and that restricts the imagination. If you're rich, the sky's the limit. But the spirit behind the gift may be empty, or there may be strings attached.
Teach your boyfriend how to shop for you. Just don't pout and act like a spoiled little girl; because Santa didn't bring you the kind of doll you wanted. Oh, it's so easy to go off on your boyfriend or girlfriend and complain. Expecting them to read your mind, or listen to your never-ending list of so-called "hints." For all you know, they hate your gifts too, but put up a big facade to make you happy. That's all that counts to them. That may not even be the case for you, but I do hope so.
Here's the reality. Some people aren't good at shopping for themselves, let alone others. They are dumb when it comes to gift-shopping. Ungrateful people are the hardest to shop for; because all they freaking do is complain.
The true spirit of Christmas has nothing to do with ornaments, trees, bows, and boxes. It's giving, loving, sharing, and remembering the original purpose of the Holiday in the first place. I think disappointment was a strong word. If you don't think your boyfriend is thoughtful and loving, why are you still with the jerk? Why share year after year with a guy you think can't please you? It's more your fault than his. If someone suggests you just leave him, then comes the rebuttal as how good he is otherwise. Which shouldn't have to come because someone might suggest that you should leave; but because it's always in your heart at all times.
Does he demonstrate love, give you affection, do things for you unexpectedly? Would he fight and stand-up for you, even when he knows you're totally wrong? Does he brag to his friends about you, and show you off? These are presents our boos give us all year that we overlook and take for granted. So a present he gives near and dear to himself, or even if it it's something he probably would enjoy more than you do; he was thinking of the most precious thing he could think of. It's a dumb guy thing.
Appreciate the thought. Teach him about shopping for others from what you know and have learned. Show no disappointment because one day you look around, and he isn't there. You'll look at those unappreciated gifts as mementos. You'll chuckle at how stupid he was, but then it will seem cute.
I loved one man for 28 years of my life. We had fights, disagreements, but even above all those things; we shared the strongest love I've ever known. He died of cancer. He gave me gifts out of nowhere. For no reason at all. He even gave me gifts that made absolutely no sense. Yet, when I looked into his eyes, that love was the greatest gift of all. He is gone now. I have someone new. He is different in many many ways. His gift of love is cherished, and no gift is a disappointment. I can see past it all, because I don't have to spend another Christmas alone. That is both a gift and a blessing.
This is not a rant, my dear. It's a lesson in and of life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 December 2016):
 So did he buy the Pokemon game for YOU or for himself? If he got you a Nintendo years ago and it wasn't a hit and YOU never use it, does it just sit there or does he use it?
And are you sure he isn't trying to throw you a red herring with what he got you?
And if he DID get you a Nintendo game you have NO intentions of wanting to play, I'd tell him after opening. I'd gently ask him if you can exchange it. You have BEEN together for 6 years. WHY fake being enthused about something you will never use?
My husband sucks (for the most part) in the gift giving process. He thinks a new vacuum cleaner or steam cleaner is a GREAT gift... But I HAD to explain that I didn't find a vacuum very personal and that I rather he didn't get me a present than giving me a vacuum. Now that may sound snotty to some, but I don't go buy him an oil change for the car, I find something I KNOW he wants - something PERSONAL and JUST for him. A couple of years ago I gave him the link to my Amazon wish. And guess what? HE got 100 times better at picking stuff out for ME. I have been wanting to get a new camera for ages, my old one was 15 years old and just not doing so well anymore. and he got me one -a GREAT one at that.
If you don't speak up, he will NOT understand or know that he was WAAAAY of. And he won't get better at it. I think as long as you do it with some consideration for his process and for him it's QUITE OK to tell your partner that they are a little off in what they "think" you might like. However, you can't really do that till AFTER you open the present because he MIGHT have told you hints to a game, but it's actually NOT a game.
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