A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does it make one a terrible person if he or she does not want to see someone else because they've been together with too many people sexually? My boyfriend said it doesn't and shouldn't matter, but I feel like I wouldn't want to be with someone who has been with too many people (too many is a subjective term), personality and looks aside. Does it make me a terrible person? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (7 February 2016):
 No, it certainly doesn't make you a terrible person! Everyone has their own likes/dislikes and preferences and "deal breakers". Most of the population won't just date anyone..we are all selective. I truly understand how you feel because I have always felt that way. I don't want to be involved with someone who has "been around". I met my husband when he was 34. He had only been intimate with 1 woman, his ex wife. I loved the fact that he felt sex was special and wouldn't just sleep with anyone!
You are fine with what you want and don't want and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (6 February 2016):
 I don't think so-no. He doesn't meet your standards. If thats something of a turn off for you there is nothing wrong with that.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 February 2016):
 No off course it doesn't make you a terrible person, some like blue eyes, some like curves, some like personality, some like innocence or sensible people. Its all about what you want at the end of the day. Stay with your standards, remember that it is by our standards that we live our lives, and we should always be true to ourselves.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (5 February 2016):
 I second Honeypie.
You don't have to justify your preferences and if being with too many FOR YOU is a problem FOR YOU, then you owe it to yourself (and the other person) not to become involved only to have both of you suffer for it later.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 February 2016):
 We all have preferences. YOURS is :"I don't want to be with someone who has been with too many people "
And I think that is OK.
Chances for STD's - specially things like HPV get EXPONENTIALLY higher the more people you (and your partner sleep with/have slept with) and if you haven't gotten the vaccine in your teens, this is a thing that can lead to cervical/penile cancer - you can't TEST for it on a STD panel and once you have it... it's for life. Just to mention one thing.
MANY guys want their GF to NOT have had a lot of partners and some women feel the same. I don't see the problem. However, if you get all "judgy" on a guy/girl when you hear he has had (let's say) 25 partners, I think maybe keep THAT to yourself. Instead just stick with a "I don't think we are a good fit". Because there are also MANY people who are totally OK with a partner having a high number.
How many people someone has slept with is NOT what makes them who they are. Same goes for NOT having slept with many people.
So I see no problem in having a preference of people who have NOT had "too many" partners. And it doesn't make you a "terrible person" to have preferences.
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