A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi i have a serious question. First, I have a friend that I text behind my boyfriend's back. My friend is someone i met at work like some of my other friends. But some how he is a close friend cuz of the things we like. He knows i have a boyfriend n he respects that. We only say hi and bye if we have a chance but also we text during the time I'm not with my bf. (I'm with him during the weekends) But when we text we sort of flirt but mostly talk about regular things like things on YouTube or a album we like. But at the end we hardly talk about porn and we talk about our fantasies. I don't know If this is a big problem because I never tell my boyfriend I been texting this friend. N I feel bad that me n my friend talk about porn. We can stop but Idk why I get in the mood but I try keeping the conversation from getting there. I been texting him for 3 days out of the week. N I know its not him and It's me doing it Cuz i let him know that i am going to masturbate myself. He said he will stop text whenever i do it but I sent him a link of porn I'm watching and he masturbates to it too. Am I some how cheating on my boyfriend like this? I do care about my boyfriend and i care about my friend too. Please help!!!
View related questions:
at work, flirt, in the mood, porn, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (7 February 2016):
Heres the acid test -
If your boyfriend was doing the same exact thing - would you be fine with it?
Almost all moral dilemmas can be solved in this manner.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2016): If you are not comfortable showing your boyfriend all of your text conversations with your work "friend" then you are in the wrong.
You should stop texting this other guy right away. If you want to be friends at work, and talk with him in person around other people fine, but your topics of conversation when texting and probably when you are alone (porn, flirting, fantasies) are inappropriate.
Stop the betrayal before it causes you to lose your relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 February 2016):
 Imagine if during the week your boyfriend was chatting to a girl and masturbating to the same thing she was, would you be okay with that?
You know this is wrong, your poor boyfriend has no idea that you are doing this to him because you are hiding it, what did your boyfriend do to deserve this kind of treatment? He could do so much better and be with someone who appreciates him and is honest with him. You need to let this other guy go, stop being a bad girlfriend and focus on being a good person for the future.
...............................
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (5 February 2016):
 What you are doing is called sexting. It is a modern version of phone-sex that used to be a thriving business for some home bound women responding to men with affinity to prostitutes.
So is it wrong? Very much so, and you know it or why would you even ask.
Is it cheating? Yes, a form of because, even though you are not physically having sex with this guy, you are engaged in sexual stimulation and release with a person other then the one you love. Are men who use phone sex cheaters? Some even call them perverts.
From the relationship point of view with your BF, what you are doing is a typical mistake cheating women do: at first sign of attention from another man, instead of running to their BF to improve their relationship, they run to the other guy to ruin what there is left of the relationship.
My advice is to go no contact, cold turkey, with this other guy. No eye contact, no hi, no bye, no nothing.... then just forget that you've ever done this and run to your BF and do some of these things with him if they arouse you so much. You will be happier.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 February 2016):
 I'd say it's utterly wrong and here is why:
IF you can not do it (texting dirty) in the open and in front of your partner... Then you are being shady. And you are investing time in another guy talking about things that are NOT "friend" kind of conversations - like you are sharing link to porn you are getting busy with ABSOLUTELY inappropriate.
THAT is NOT what friends do. You have zero boundaries and I think when your BF finds out, he is going to NOT like it one bit, nor will he like your "I didn't know it was wrong" BS.
You know it's wrong, but you haven't stopped because you get something out of it. (attention). Why not have THESE conversations with your BF instead? So when you get horny text your BF!
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 February 2016):
 Ask yourself why you are keeping this behaviour with another guy secret from your boyfriend. A second question to ask yourself is how would you feel if it was your boyfriend who had a secret girl that he was texting and getting sexy with discussing fantasies and porn.
You KNOW its wrong, so either cut it out or tell your boyfriend about your masturbating for another guy.
PS the guy from work is NOT a friend. Friends don't encourage their friends into this sort of skanky behaviour.
...............................
|
