A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was engaged to my ex for 5 years. We ended up breaking up for a stupid reason and I didn't contact him for months. He ended up sleeping with a girl and getting her pregnant after the break up. I found out later. We spoke and texted everyday and all day for 8 months. He told me he loved me and he only got with her because he thought I was gone for good. We realized that we needed to work through some immaturity when we were together and we might be able to make it work but they were getting married for the baby. I tried to support him because I know he loves his child, although I feel its a bad reason to get married. The wife has made it clear she married him for the same reasons but I won't get into that. Shortly after the wedding I stepped back. Recently, we have been in contact again. He is so miserable. He beats him self up over the choices that he has made from the time that I left to now. I am destroyed because we are in love. My questions are: Does it hurt the children more to grow up in a divorced home or an unhappy one with the parents together? How can I be there for him? If being in his life makes him happy - is that so wrong? Sorry for the million questions guys! Imagine how badly my head is spinning. Thanks for the advice!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): I think that all of these answers are more than correct. I just wanted someone or someones to say it to me because this is not something I would talk to my friends about. Obviously, because I knew they would say the same things you guys did. When I go back and read my question, the answer is pretty obvious and I feel lame that I even had to ask. Thanks so much and he is now gone for good.
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (17 February 2009):
 I think you need to take a step back and ask yourself why you are still involved with this man. During a "break" he went out and gotten another girl pregnant. Not only that. He is now married to her. why are you justifying it saying they are only married cause they have a child. Would that be okay then for him to have a relationship with you again?
You say you were engage for FIVE years!! So tell me again why in those five years you guys never set a date? Did he have cold feet? what held you guys back?
I know it feels good to hear that he still love you and want you, but he made his bed and now he must lie in it.
If he doesn't love his wife. then end it, don't get married cause you have a child together. I think as a child you want to know that your parents love each other.
and if they don't, its best to separate but still be involved in the childs life. The point is two people can love a child without loving each other.
If he really loves you, let him do the right thing. which is divorce his wife, yet still support the child financially and be there emotionally. then you guys can work on your relationship and be together again.
Until then, i would stay in the background and not get involved. Let them have space to work out their issues.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): Sorry, you're not going to like this but your first question is unanswerable, because it's neither your child nor are you his wife, It seems to me to be a rhetorical question and you are seeking justification, the question simply does not apply to you.
As you said these are his choices, he chose her and his child over you, no matter what you think of their marriage they're still married, he's still with her, you never said how you know their marriage is an unhappy one.
I'm sorry but it's the child that has the most to lose in this situation and it is up to it's parents to decide whats for best for it.
If being in his life is destroying his family then, yes it's wrong.
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