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Does 'I'm not ready to be in a relationship' really mean 'I want to have sex with as many girls as I can?'

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 March 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 24 March 2008)
A female Australia, anonymous writes:

My bf of 2 months just broke up with me. I am confused as to why. After a week of acting very weird, he sent me a message to my phone saying he doesnt want to be in a relationship at the moment, hes not ready and that hes sorry and hopes we can still be friends.

I called him so we could talk about it. He basicaly repeated what he said in the message. I asked him how long he had felt like this and he said like 6 weeks. So for more then half the time we had been going out he felt like this. I asked him why he didnt tell me sooner and he said cause he thought he could make it work.

I think him saying he 'isnt ready to be in a relationship' is key for 'i want to have sex with as many girls as i can'. 6 weeks ago when he started feeling like this was when he asked if i wanted to have sex and i told him no and that i neeed time and so on. do you think this is why he broke up with me? i just really need closure and dont feel he is being honest with me.

All of his mates who i know have told me that he used to sleep around before he met me and that when he was with me he was 'adapting' to my lifestyle and i was a positive and good influence on him. they said he stoped drinking lots and was generally just better. they said that he said he loved being with me and really liked me. i am just so confused. a week b4 we broke up he was saying how he missed the drinking nad party scene which he would go to all weekend, every weekend. so maybe this is why. i dont know.

i just feel like im not good enough for anyone. help? our age is 19 by the way.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008):

Wow, you're not good enough for anyone? Please, ask yourself if this guy is good enough for you. He isn't. He is telling you that he wanted to use you for sex and since you did not give in, he is not into the relationship, which means he is not into you....But that said, there is nothing wrong with you. This guy doesn't have his priorities straight, which is very very common in 19 year olds...he is going to go where the wind takes him without doing a whole lot of contemplating on his life.

You are doing the right thing by waiting a long time when meeting a guy to have sex, see you weeded out a loser who wants to take advantage of you. Someday you will meet a guy who loves being in your company without the sex and will respect you for waiting....this will be a guy worthy of YOU.

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (24 March 2008):

LazyGuy agony auntYup.

You can't change people and shouldn't want to because it never works.

Even if you changed him, he will resent you for it and go on to a different girl.

If you don't want to be played, don't go out with players.

Basically consider yourself lucky you found out his true colors before you got too deeply commited or compromised your values.

The "still be friends" line? That translates as, "I still would like to have a chance at fucking you someday".

You are good enough, you just need to find a better person to be with. LOOK at how the guy behaves before you are with him because that is how he WANTS to behave.

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