A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi Cupids here’s one for you.I’ve been chatting to a guy for a few weeks on Snapchat and I really fancy him loads, but he’s just confessed that he used to be a porn star. We met in a club a few weeks ago, swapped details and have been chatting almost daily since. Chatting, joking, flirting…There’s definitely a lot of chemistry between us, I can already tell. Buuut then he drops this bombshell on me last night. As well as being absolutely gorgeous (At least in my opinion anyways), he’s apparently very ‘blessed’ in the trousers department, something which he admits he made no secret of when he was younger and now realises was completely immature. And as such he was inundated with offers by adult film companies. He said he was only 19 when he was first approached by one, which is quite shocking when you think about it. He said he turned them down at first as he was going to University but when he was struggling financially during his studies a couple of years later he decided to take up a few ‘offers’. Apparently the money was really good and helped him get through Uni. Once he graduated he said he quit doing porn for good and started a proper career at 22. He’s 27 now.On the one hand it seems really shallow that he’d do something like that for money but on the other hand I can kind of understand why when it ended up helping him in the long run. He said he made the mistake of keeping it a secret from his last girlfriend and she ended up finding out and dumping him because of it, so wanted to be up-front with me. I asked him if he regretted it and he said ‘yes and no’. Yes because he didn’t really like doing it and felt exploited, but also no because it helped him get him through university. I suppose I can’t deny he’s just being honest. Does it bother me? I really don’t know. My main worry of course would be whether or not he’s riddled with STD’s but he assures me he’s 100% clean and I don’t see why he’d lie about that. We’d use condoms if it went that far anyways. I suppose everyone has a past and has done things they regret or feel ashamed of haven’t they? I can definitely vouch so don’t feel I’m in any position to judge him for it. But I know my parents wouldn’t approve of him for one thing if they ever found out. In fact they’d be appalled. I confided in my best friend last night about it and she said I should be excited to ‘sample’ his ‘massive willy’ (I’ll be honest the thought of it DOES excite me a lot) and that it shouldn’t matter if he stopped doing porn years ago. I suppose another problem is that one day my curiosity will probably get the better of me and I’ll end up on PornHub searching his name to watch his ‘films’ and I don’t know how I’d react to that. The bottom line though is that I really like him and am absolutely itching to go for a drink with him. Does his porn past really matter? What do you all think?
View related questions:
best friend, condom, flirt, immature, money, porn, std, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Leykis101  +, writes (24 August 2021):
 I would be suspicious first thing, that porn story may be possible, but how would all the porn company's know about 1 guys dick size?? they have a line of people trying to get in, but maybe, If he is what he says, you should look at the up sides and not the down, he cant be bad at fking if he did it professionally, he probably is stable financially, you say your ready for that willie, but have you truly had anything close? it's not always great for some girls, it's agonizing, but who gaf what your parents think, why would that ever even be something you would tell them, no girls parents ive ever met required info on my past employments, these kinds of remarks are what makes me skeptical on the validity of this post, but you shouldn't care about any of it, it's just a job.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2021): Typo corrections:
"Feelings may attach, and he might not be up for that."
People who turned to stripping, pole-dancing, and the porn industry often claim they did it to put themselves through college. If he did videos, they are bound to catch up with him.
Employers who pay well tend to do in-depth background checks; and check your online behavior during the pre-employment vetting process. Some employers may not mind it, but some may worry about their public-image; and the reputation of their business. It all depends on what type of work he chooses; and how conservative the business and its clientele happen to be in that field of work.
You're just dating, but it might get complicated; if you should grow serious about him. He's a former sex worker in the porn industry. He's not your everyday-Joe. He used his penis as the tool of his trade. A lot of people have seen it, and he made money using it. Fascination may obscure any opinion you have about that for the moment. If you decide you want to commit to a relationship; it will begin to become more of a reality to be considered.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2021): Get tested together, a full battery tests for any possible sexually transmitted disease.
He was honest with you. You don't really know how far the relationship will go, you're just getting acquainted; and your feelings can run but so deep with someone you hardly know.
He was young. I've personally known people in the gay community who were exotic dancers and former porn actors. They were lulled into the trade; because it seemed glamorized.
Those people I knew were as decent and ordinary as anybody else. You can change and make a new leaf on life. Just don't be quick to think he has totally given it up. It's not always steady work, and one guy that I knew went back to it when he needed fast cash. Last I heard, he ended-up on drugs and had a drinking problem; because he got caught-up with a fast party-crowd. He too was a gorgeous man, a really sweet person. Be cautious.
Dating someone isn't a commitment, and doesn't always lead to a relationship. Just don't let your curiosity and fascination with the idea of him get you caught-up in a mess. Feelings may attach, and he might not up for that. You will always think about his past in the back of your mind. Wondering if you measure-up to those female porn-actresses? It's one thing when your boyfriend watches porn; it's a whole different ballgame when he has performed in porn videos. People will recognize him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2021): You sound young and gullible. Easily impressed by the possibility that he may have a large packet in his pants.
I think you should be aware of your own gullibility!
Now that he's started to push your boundaries who knows where he will go with this.
A few short enthusiastic encounters and you may find you are being filmed, secretly or openly and next thing you know you're for sale.
Pause for a moment and ask yourself how realistic you're being.
This guy made money out of selling sex.
What is to stop him from making money out of selling you?
It sounds as though this could be a short road to disaster.
What exactly are his good qualities?
Quite possibly he feels a need to exploit you.
He dangles his hook with the bait and you bite.
Don't kid yourself that he is marriage material.
He sounds unbearably smug and self centred.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (19 August 2021):
 Like you say everyone has a past there is no getting away from that. I think this will only be a problem if you let it.
If you said he was still doing it now and wanted to date you at the same time then i could see how you would be upset by this.
Just continue getting to know him like you have been doing, as you say the chemistry is good between the pair of you.
You parents should only be interested in what he does now, and not be overly interested about what he did in the past. I'm sure a little white lie would not hurt on that occasion, maybe say he was involved in acting theatre or something.
Regarding STD's i would have thought all actors would not even make it on set until they have been checked from top to bottom for STD's and other related things. But still best to go with what you say about wearing condoms if the situation arose.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 August 2021):
 Whether I think it matters or not, I'm not the one who might be dating him!
YOU are.
HPV can not be tested for unless he has obvious genital warts but there are a large number of types of HPV. Some can cause cancer (penile/uterus) and you can't get tested for them. The MORE partners someone has the higher the risk of catching HPV. So having a partner who has had a LOT of sexual partners and is MOST likely without protection - there is a much larger risk.
Also, him SAYING he is 100% clean doesn't mean he is. When was he last tested and when was the last sexual activity (same goes for you)?
What would I advise?
IF you can handle dating someone with a porn star past, then I'd say Fu@k to anyone who has an opinion. It was 5 years ago. He is realistic with his attitude. He shouldn't be ASHAMED for having made a choice in "career" as a university student when he is now a GROWN man.
I'd actually go watch one of his "films" and then see if I'd still wanted to talk with him. Seems a weird way to decide if I could be comfortable with him, but yeah... Not rational perhaps but that is what popped in my head.
As for "big willy" equating to "good in bed" or "pron star = good in bed"... I think that is just stupid. It really is NOT just the size of a penis that will give YOU pleasure - it is his actual skill and willingness to please you. And considering... that having a "big willy" means he needs a larger blood supply for a hard-on, he might not last as long as a guy who is more... average-equipped...
Your friend's comment that you should "try him out" is a little gross. Honey, he HAS a big willy - but there is a while body and GUY attached to said "willy".
I think as a mother of a daughter (I have 3) I would care LESS about what their partners did when they were young and stupid and MORE about what kind of person they are today, how they treat my daughter and others. His DICK doesn't define him.
We ALL have some deal-breakers, YOU have to decide (before you sleep with him, IMHO) if his past is a deal-breaker or not.
I honestly like the fact that he TOLD you upfront. He really didn't have to. But he didn't want to be discarded for the "wrong" reasons.
He didn't commit a crime. He sold himself.
...............................
|
