A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am just wondering what people think because I can't figure this out. First of all, I know to many you are going to judge me and tell me it doesn't matter because I involved myself with a married man, but I do know it was wrong, I just want help in figuring out how it ended. I had this affair for 2 months with a married man who would come over weekly and we would text daily. This last weekend we were texting as usual deciding about when and if we would meet. Later that evening while we made plans via text I got a text that read "My wife knows". Of course I responded with "Why and how?" The responses continued with things like "Not forsure" When? "Tonight". How?"She asked" Then after a delay I get a text saying "My marriage just ended". I responded "What? Why?" Then I get: "She was the one chatting with you. My life is over". I haven't heard anything since. I am wondering though if she really was the one texting me or if this is his excuse to get out. Wouldn't he have just said he couldn't do it anymore-- would he lie and say his wife knows and go to the extreme of creating this scenario. Do you think she is the one who wrote "My wife was chatting with you My life is over" --- I just want to know what others think- Does his wife really know or did he just want out? And if he was busted, why can't he just call or text to let me know if he is ok? I know I probably have no right to even get an answer, but I need some insight because it is making me crazy not knowing.
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affair, his ex, married man, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 April 2011):
 I'm thinking he got busted.I'm thinking you are not going to get the closure you need and desire.IN MOST cases, when a cheating spouse gets caught the lover is cast aside in favor of saving the marriage if the cheated upon spouse is willing to forgive and work on it.Sadly even if the spouse is not willing to work on it many times the affair partner is cast aside as they were just a means to an end (to get out of a marriage)Whether or not you have a right is actually a moot point... you need to find closure for this part of your life on your own and not depend on him to help you.Walk away now.... trying to contact him will cause you to lose dignity and pride.... write long detailed journal entries that only you can see and read. it will help. eventually this pain shall pass.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 It seems you did not have a lot of trust in your ex lover, if after this text exchange first thing you think is he may have concocted such an elaborate, dramatic scenario .
I can't be sure of course , but I think it's true, he got busted.
You have only been his mistress for two months, if he had wanted out I guess he'd just would have dumped you without so many ceremonies. Or else ( it happens often ) he would just have disappeared - and blocked your number.
So you wonder why he is not contacting you after getting caught ??
Easy- because if they are tryng to sort out things, the first condition that his wife has asked, or he has volunteered , is to cut off any contact with you.
And, because, quite frankly, with all he's probably got on his plate right now, the last thing he gives a damn about is to reassure you he is OK ! In a moment like this, he'd be a saint thinking his ex fling is worried !
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A
female
reader, Yetilicious +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Ok well first of all I think cheaters are horrible people and the majority of them deserve to contract a horrible case of genital warts so that no one will ever want to have sex with them again. Now that I've gotten that opinion out of the way...
I'm not sure what you were expecting with this relationship. Either he created this scenario and lied because he doesnt want to be with you and felt horrible about cheating on his wife, or he really wants to be with his wife (as he should), she found out, and he thinks his life is really over. As for why hasn't he called you? Most likely because he doesn't care about you and was using you as a little bit of sex on the side. Perhaps it's harsh, but at least i'm honest.
In the end it is best not to ruin other people's lives by being the one your boyfriend or husband cheated with. Maybe you could answer a question for me as I have always wondered...Did you ever feel bad about hooking up with a married man, knowing that if his wife knew it would break her heart and very likely ruin her life?
Perhaps I'm getting it all wrong, maybe the wife is a cold hearted bitch who beats her husband with a coathanger and verbally abuses him before she goes out and cheats on him as well...but if that were the case he wouldn't love her, he would be divorced, and his " life wouldnt be over".
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