A
female
age
36-40,
*ack2Square1
writes:So my Ex broke up with me 9 months ago Because we used to fight a lot mainly due to my constant jealousy and controlling such problems. After split we were in contact for 3-4 months Because I wanted to work on things and maybe try to get back Because that's what even he had said after break up that maybe in future if we don't fight we have a chance, but after that whenever I tried to talk to him he was blowing hot and cold and whenever I brought up about us he always used to say I don't know what I feel right and all that. so I thought he probably don't want to get back and he is saying it nicely and I stopped all contact and started moving and after a month he mailed saying he appreciate me trying to change things but he didn't feel yet and he thinks there is no future with me and that made me come to finally think he gave closure and I continued doing what I was and a week back and he contacts me and says how I hurt him and never tried getting back or replied his email and he was tired of waiting , when I said I did reply he said he never got that offline message . And in the end he said he wanted to say what he felt for a while and said if iever wish to talk he will b there so basically did he contact to vent his feelings or did he want to get back.Also during talk he said how I actually instead of working I was busy moving on to some one else when the fact I trying to move on by passing more time with frnds one of them is a guy and close to me. so when I asked about email about him saying he doesn't see future with me . For that he said i was trying to vent my feelings so maybe i try abit harder. So i dont know if he wants to get back or he just wanted to tell how he felt.
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broke up, get back together, jealous, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Back,
Ye your right on that one but then again sometimes he seems to temporise this and add 'for now' which is a mixed signal. He needs to decide what he wants. Well thats the rub isnt it, he's not convinced you have changed at all and that's why he is giving off these mixed signals. Ye you probably should but the point is hes not sure; I think honestly if he was convinced you had changed then yes, he would want to be back with you, but since he isn't convinced you have he doesnt. Maybe your going to have to move on with this one, maybe too much has happened and although he may think otherwise, maybe you will never convince him you have changed so maybe you have to start afresh with someone new who can judge you as you are now, not have their view tainted by who you used to be :)x
A
female
reader, Back2Square1 +, writes (14 June 2011):
Back2Square1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand, But when u say some one you don't see future with them , its taken as u dont see future not he is venting , i think i may have expected quite soon but despite efforts he still think i havent actually made efforts even though in email he mentioned its good i have made changes but he is yet to feel. so if he thinks i haven't made efforts according to him , why he contacted me after all these months and also seemed jealous that he was mislead to believe i am seeing some one . And why would say if u ever wish to contact me i will be there , i mean if he wanted to get back shdn't be saying something instead and after that day even thou he got on IM he didn't say anything neither did i tried to talk
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (13 June 2011):
Back,I think there is a lot of confusion now and the fact is to my mind is that its hard to tell what either of you want because im not entirely sure either of you is actually entirely sure what you want. You havent talked much about yourself and whether you feel and/or indeed have resolved the issues that led to this situation. His response seems to be governed similarly by the fact that he is clearly unsure of if you have as well.I think to be honest you were possibly expecting a lot quite soon and even when you said that he was giving you closure he didnt see a future for you *yet* (note, he didnt say he didnt see you ever having a future *ever*). You obviously clearly sent him the same signal you took from him. What I suspect he is looking for from you is proof you have changed (beyond you saying you have) and what your looking for from him is an indication he is still interested and your not quite giving that too each other because your both confused and confusing each other. Its good that he has started to communicate his feelings to you. Thats an invitation for you to do the same back, at least I think it is. I'd tend to think him telling you how he felt is testing the water, he wants to see how you respond and make a judgement on whether he does want to get back with you (I don't think he has decided) on where things go from there. My advice is to keep the channels of communication open, keep talking and working through this and see where it leads you both - either it will give you both the closure you need, or you will get back together. At this juncture, with this information, I cant really promise you either way but I think its worth doing because closure is a positive outcome too. Good luck and take care :)x
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