A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been friends with this guy for two years, and last night we were talking and it became pretty obvious that we thought of each other as more than friends. He asked me if I'd ever be interested in hooking up with him...I said yes. The problem is I'm not sure if he wants it to be just a hook up, a friends with benefits thing or maybe a relationship. Even though he said hook up, I got a lot of mixed messages from the conversation. He kept on complimenting me and talking about when we used to see each other all the time. He was saying we should go to see a concert together, that he'd get me tickets if I wanted and that he wanted to teach me how to ski. Also, he mentioned spending time with his family, which seemed a little relationshipy to me. We're actually pretty close, I know some things about him that nobody else does, and he knows my secrets as well. He's one of the very few people I actually feel comfortable enough with to wear my glasses and sweat pants and no make up around, and he has seen my like that several times before. I know I should just ask him, but I'd like an idea of what the outcome could be. He had said in the conversation that he was really busy which was annoying because it made relationships difficult which is why he hasn't been in one in over a year, but one of my friends thinks that's just excuse. So, what do you think he wants? A hook up, fwb or relationship?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 September 2011):
 Just to be on the safe side, I'd take him literally. He said hook up, he means hook up. And he also mentions being to busy for a relationship, so...
The other activities he mentions are also friendl-y, not only relationship-y. You are friends already, so ( hopefully ! ) he would not treat you like a total stranger or a piece of meat once you have hooked up. Just , it would be occasional and random, and- it would not be exclusive, he would be free to do the same with other girls.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 September 2011):
 Unfortunately, I'm not a mind reader. Hook-ups are FWBs.Don't read any further into it..He specifically said he wants to hook-up. Hook-up meaning let's do kiss, sexual favors, sex, etc. NOT a relationship. Basically you would be FWBs. You're still friends but you're hooking up. Which I would advise against because you happen to want more. It's a BAD, BAD, idea to get involved in a FWBs with a guy you happen to like. Also, a bad idea to get into a FWBs at your age because you're not emotionally equipped to handle it. If he wanted a relationship then he would say he wanted one. Listen directly to what he says, instead of hearing what you want to hear. Now, if you're still confused then you need to talk to him about his feelings. Express yours and tell him you want a relationship. Don't settle for a FWBs because you're going to get short-changed in the end.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 September 2011):
 He sounds like a responsible person. He knows that relationships are very time consuming, especially when both of you are still studying. If you have fun with him, develop connection with him and never complain about not having enough time, it could develop into a relationship. It all depends on how happy and how close you get in the up coming months or years. For now he's saying let's not expect too much from this and he likes you enough to keep seeing you. A relationship decision is an emotional, instinctual rather than an intellectual rational one. When you both feel for each other strongly nothing can stop you. But now it's not that time yet.
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