A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need help. I have a sex buddy who Im falling in love with, and we usually use condoms, but has gradually changed. Now we don't use condoms and occassionally he doesn't "pull out". Last night he didn't pull out. I'm wondering does he want a baby by me. He said it was an accident, but I'm challenged to believing that seeing as he always pulls out right on time. on top of all of the above he has a girlfriend. I need advice. HELP
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condom, has a girlfriend, want a baby Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your input. I highly appreciate it. He hasn't anything about what he did. I honestly, know in my heart that it wasn't an accident, he's never done that. But it will be ok. He knows I want a baby, so we're both adults, and know the consequences of our actions.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): If you want to get pregnant, then decide to get pregnant. This goes for you or him. But it's very, very wrong for either partner to just decide they want to get pregnant without a decision from the other one. Neither gender can just decide to walk away from a baby later. (You could argue that a man can often walk away like this. But I would argue that the emotional consequences are another story entirely. And he could also spend years in prison for the child if he can't make child support payments later on.)If he's cumming inside you w/o a condom and he knows you're not on the pill or anything, then he's basically making a decision to get pregnant whether he will say it out loud or not. And it's the same for you too. If you continue to let him cum inside you w/o a condom, then you're also basically agreeing to get pregnant whether you will own up to it or not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): Dear Poster
I have empathy with you and can understand that you must be in emotional turmoil, but I don't think you need advice or assistance, I do believe you know what you are doing; you are aware of the fact hat he has a girlfriend; then why are you having sex with him? why are you having unprotected sex with him?
I know this might sound harsh, and I am really not trying to give you a lecture, I am trying to help you; I want you to think about yourself and your future;
this guy is having sex with you because you allow it; unprotected sex, because you allow it; should you be pregnant, are you ready to raise this baby on your own?
I want you to reconsider the situation; I think you deserve so much better; I think you deserve to have a loving caring guy that will be with you; who will make you his girlfriend or wife; who will value and respect you; somebody that wil share the joy and the duties and responsibility of raising a child with you.
I know, that deep inside you are not happy about the situation as it is; do not be second best; you deserve to be the one and only in his life.
Think carefully before you have a child; these little bundles of love and joy do need lots of love, time, energy and are not easy to raise on your own; DO not spoil your future; wait a little longer until you are in a good loving relationship and then when you are both ready and committed plan to have a baby.
I can assure you, you will never regret waiting a little longer to have a baby with a man that loves and respects you; a man that makes you his queen, who values you and to whom you are the one and only.
Do not accept this treatment and do not allow this guy to use you sexually; stop seeing him and MOVE ON.
You deserve better.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (4 September 2008):
 Wow. Sex with someone who isn't able (or willing) to make an emotional connection with you? You say he has a girlfriend - so it seems like he's using you for the very thing you're giving him.
Think about this: will having a child with a man you aren't AT LEAST emotionally connected with benefit that child? What will you tell your child down the road about his/her father? What examples will you set for your daughter about her relationship with men? Or the example you will set for your son on how to treat women? What will you say?
Find someone that cares enough about you to be with YOU! Not you and someone else. My vote: stop having sex with him and find a real relationship that has potential for growth. Not just sex when he calls.
Hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to thank you all for your input I really do appreciate it. Thanks eyeswideopen for being so up front. I probably should have mentioned that I'm married (but seperated) so I really haven't even asked him to leave his girlfriend. He actually has asked me if I want him to leave her and I said no. I think I should be divorced first, and then we can discuss it. As far as the baby I don't know why "I just want a baby" I have a very good/stable job where I know I'll get maternity, retirement, etc,. I have a 4yr old and I want another one. I've been told there's never really the "right" time to have a baby, and I just figure why not now, not to metion I'll be 30 in two yrs.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 September 2008):
 Why would you want to have a baby by a guy who doesn't care enough about you to dump his girlfriend for you?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 September 2008):
You are playing with fire by not being on the pill, having unprotected sex, and on top of that, with a guy who's already taken. Yikes. Unplanned pregnancy, STD's, and heartbreak all come to mind. What on earth are you thinking?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim sorry i didn't give any background, but we have briefly discussed having a baby together, and he has shared that he wants a baby by me. i told him on our first date that I wanted a baby. So he's well aware. Now as far as diseases I have thought about that also and you have a very important point.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): sweetheart, u need to plan for babies. this man was right it was just a mistake,probably was carried away by the heat of the moment. if u want a baby talk to him about it and hear his views. better still find a man without a girlfriend that way it will be easy for u 2 to reach certain agreements. other thing you better play it safe too many diseases. condoms are next to abstenance coz you never know what his girlfriend is doing. takecare!
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