A
female
age
41-50,
*himmy
writes:My ex broke up with me about six weeks ago, I didn't think we'd speak again. There seemed to be no reason for the breakup other than that he was under alot of stress at the time and couldnt handle us anyway he deleted me from his phone, his facebook, his email everything. And then I heard nothing.A few days ago I ran into him at the supermarket and he was really friendly and chatty and seemed geniunely surprised and pleased to see me and said we'll catch up later yeah?I was quite taken aback as things were a little messy when we broke up even though no one cheated, etc. I sort of turned into the wild woman because I didn't understand what was going on. (Although I respected his decision and let him be)Anyhow I resisted the temptation to contact him straight away and busied myself with the rest of the day and pondered whether or not contacting him was a good ideaThat night all of a sudden he was on MSN (he had strangely unblocked me) anyhow we chatted and laughed for an hour and there was some mild flirting. He said he had expected a call from me that day after seeing him and felt a bit down that i hadn't contacted him, and then mentioned that he had been wondering alot recently how I was doing.He kept asking what i had been up to, how i was doing at work and saying how good it felt to speak again mentioned several times how surprised he was to see me that day.Near the end of the conversation I asked what he had been up to and he said I wouldnt want to know and then said he was seeing someone else for the last few weeks; he didnt give me any details but i did the dignified thing and said I was pleased for him- in fact I was heartbroken...againWhen he left he said, its felt really good to catch up, lets do it again text me, I'm sorry I deleted your number and I'd love to have it again.Again, i left the contacting him to my thoughts and decided to sleep on it for a few days.After sitting on that for a few days I text him, there was a blackout here and some really nasty storms so i just text to ask how he was and also say I was ok after the blackout, and asked if he would like to come and collect the remainder of his things that he had missed after the breakup. He said yes straight away, how about tommorrow lunchtime, we can have a coffee and something to eat. I'll come over at 12.30.I dont know what to think, he is seeing someone else and clearly doesnt want her to know.If he was serious about her why suddenly break the no contact thing, and why all the secrecy?Does he want to be friends? Does he still have feelings for me and want me back? is he looking to cheat on his girlfriend? I dont get it, does he just want to see if he can still pull my strings?I would really like to have him back and for all the right reasons too, but I need to make it clear that I wouldnt consider an affair I have more self respect than that. What do you think? Thanks in advance for your replies
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female
reader, shimmy +, writes (17 March 2008):
shimmy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Guys
Thanks again for the replies.
I did as you guys said and refrained from contacting him and he's messaged me again today, to say have a good day and to see if i'll help him find a new job?
I dont get it, he has a girlfriend shouldn't SHE be helping him look for a job? We do both work in IT, but in completely different fields so I would be no more help to him than anyone else on the street and he knows this.
Given we are not dating I didnt race to his rescue, i just emailed him so as i didnt look bitter. I just said Sorry, not ignoring you, I got your message, I'm really busy today but I'll take a look when I get the chance later sometime.
I dont get it all he needs to do is ring an agency, he has his cv all ready... I know I helped him do it before Christmas!
Why is he still contacting me for random stuff like this?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Hey Sweetie,
I just read your follow up about the lunch and I think that if you have to use all these tactics to win him over then it's really not worth it. It all sounds way too contrived and yes, you're reading way too much into all of this.
You're obviously trying to win him back, but if he really wants you then you could give him crackers and water for lunch and be in your tattiest clothes and he'd want you.
I really don't see this working out at all, Im sorry. I think you should let him go.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (15 March 2008):
 The only thing you can do now is wait... He has your mobile number and if you're still on his mind, I can guarantee you he'll be back in touch and if he is then great (followed by him dumping his girlfriend). If you don't hear from him again and things go back to normal then you'll know that the hug was him just reminiscing about the past, maybe even him putting closure on things. Like I said, time will tell... WAIT for him to make the next move though, the ball's in HIS court on this one. Keep us posted.
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, shimmy +, writes (15 March 2008):
shimmy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanks for the replyYes he broke up with me, but he definately was not seeing anybody else at the time and then met this girl about a week later, so perhaps I am hopeful in thinking it was a rebound as he was lonely, but I certainly dont want to assume.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): well it sounds like you did all the right things, and it looks like he does want you. the only thing is he did dump you and found someone else pretty fast. how long were you together? and if hes been seeing someone for the last few weeks did he start seeing her when he was with you? maybe he met her, dumped you and then realised his mistake when he saw you again. play it cool. make him sweat. let him do all the work. just remember he dumped you and that should keep you from making any moves to get him back. if you do that it ll just be sex, if he makes the move he really wants you. (speaking from experience on this one)
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A
female
reader, shimmy +, writes (14 March 2008):
shimmy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies guys.
Helped me prepare myself for what to expect.
Lunch went really well I think, although I am even more confused now than I was before.
I chose my outfit carefully, something nice that looked like I would normally wear but that highlighted all my best features, and then sorted a simple lunch for us some nice tomato soup and some chese and ham sandwiches (his secret fave lunch combination)
I looked stunningly understated and he couldnt put his tongue away!
He kept asking what I had been up to etc, saying i looked really nice today and that my hair looked really good, which gave me perfect opportunity to start running my fingers through it.....without looking vain or girly
He was asking abaout how my dance classes were going and I filled him in on how fabulous it all was and how amazingly good I was getting, and his eyes were like plates!
We talked about work and things we'd been upto and his girlfriend didnt get mentioned once. We laughed and joked and it was so comfortable and relaxed.
Then when I put the Telly clock up I said "Oh its that time already, I best get ready to go out" and anyways he was on his lunch break from work
He picked up his stuff and then stood there at the kitchen door looking at me....
he said can we have a hug?
I said not sure if thats appropriate given the circumstances, to which he replied its not against the law, we could share a hug.
Then he gave me this big, lingering hug for a while really queezing and running his hands across my back which i broke off, he slid his hand down my arm and held my hand locking fingers and then looked into my eyes and smiled awkwardly. It didnt feel like a friend hug it went on too long, and i had to try to break it off twice before he let go.
When I did let go I said i'd best finish packing for the weekend and then he looked all sad to leave, and thanked me for lunch and said it was "really really really nice, thanks, thanks for lunch, enjoy your trip, thanks"
He text me as soon as he got back to work to say thanks again for the lunch, it was a real pleasant change :-)
Now I have no idea what is going on, when he wanted lunch I thought he might be messing me around, now i get the impression he still has feelings for me even though he is seeing someone else?
Am I reading too much into this?
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (13 March 2008):
I think he genuinely still has feelings for you and was pleasantly surprised when he saw you again in the supermarket. He was honest enough to tell you straight off that he'd been seeing someone else too, maybe to get you out of his mind, who knows. He knows you don't want to hear all the details about her and you admitted you were heartbroken when you heard. Play it very cool with him to see where this leads. I certainly wouldn't kiss him or sleep with him as long as this other woman is on the scene. When you meet with him for coffee let HIM do the speaking and see how he feels about this other woman.
It won't be long before you'll know whether there is still a connection there between you and if there is then great! Just don't let your heart rule your head and do anything you'll later wish you didn't. Play hard to get for now until you see what his intentions are.
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): hmm.. did he imply that he wanted you back? its unlikely he just wants to be friends as there would be an attraction there as you have been involved already.. but its pretty horrible to string you along if he is seeing someone else, that fact alone is pretty horrible.. see how it goes when you meet him, (make sure you look like a million dollars!)and then ask him if he wants to try again? Tread carefully though, the fact he has a new girlfriend so soon is not a good sign.
good luck
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