A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We met around an year and half ago and we hit off right away, at the time, both of us were in a relationship, within 2 month, we both ended our relationship and started dating. He is a very sweet and loving guy, but he is the kind who rarely expresses his thoughts and so you never really know what is he thinking. According to a few talks that we had, he is really afraid to face people, specially when breaking up with people and so he said, half of the time, when he breaks up, he would either send a text message or an email. And he did once admit that he has never been so honest to a girl before until he met me.Anyways...about 6 month after we started dating, during one of the nights that we were hanging out, he just randomly said that "I know this may be a bad time to bring this up, but I think we should break up". I was shocked right on the spot. So I tried to talk everything out with him and finally realize that the reason was because he feels that he is not in a good enough financial state to have a girlfriend and that I'm too stuck on to him and that he feels like he is doing everything in this relationship. So we broke up, but we still see each other pretty much everyday after that, 3 days later, he made the move again and wanted me back. We got back together and since then, I've been more helpful. I do help him cook, do housework and help with groceory or pay when we go out to eat. I definitely most of the driving as well just so its not him that's always doing everything.Well...10 month after we got back together, he brought up breaking up again. This time, with somewhat of a different reason. He said that I've been a great, giving, loving, dedicated girlfriend for the past year and even though he really don't know how deep his feelings are for me, he definitely cares for me a lot. But right now, he is in a point of his life where he is experiencing financial/life crisis. He is working on his masters, going on to year 3, his advisor was not helpful at all so he pretty much have to write his thesis by himself. He does not have a real job, does a lot of private tutoring (which is his main income) and the bills for student loans are not pouring in along with other bills. He said he need to make a decision about his life right now of what he is going to do (stay here and finish what he started or move on to somewhere else for work or for a different degree) and the decision should be based on logic and not be altered by a relationship. And also, he again, brought up the whole thing of he is not in the good financial state to have a girlfriend....I apologize for the long reading, but he is a really great guy and I guess my question is, does he still care for me or not, and do you think I should still stay by his side, as a friend and help him through tough times? (he is from out of state and I'm the first person he ever really met, pretty much his only friend here. If he's not with me, he's by himself, either working on his research or sitting at his house watching tv)Thanks!
View related questions:
broke up, got back together, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 Aw. This guy sounds lovely and you clearly care for him a lot. He's lucky to have someone like you by his side, looking out for him.
I think he does care for you but he thinks that relationships are perhaps a distraction from or shouldn't come before other things in life like his studies and getting financially secure. He seems like a decent, honest, stable guy, but someone who is not a big talker and not overly romantic, although he has a good heart and he'd treat you well.
I don't think he means to be cruel, he's just not sure about his life right now and he feels he needs to be alone to make his 'logical' decision. I'd say be there for him, be his friend. It might be that after a while he'll realise how important and good you are to him and he'll ask you to be in his life again. It may be that you guys are better off as friends and this guy will be a good friend for life. Give him the time and space he asks for, just let him know you're there for him. You seem like a very understanding and rational person. I'm sure you can work this out.
I wish you guys luck together or apart :)
|
