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female
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anonymous
writes: I think I made a major mistake. I sent my boyfriend a email explaining to him how I think his relationship with his Ex, whom he has 2 children with, is inappropriate. I told him that it makes me uncomfortable when he does things with her and the children because I know for a fact that she still has feelings for him. I don't understand why it is necessary for him to spend time with her. Why can't he just spend time with his children seperate from her? She and him go shopping alone together for things for the kids such as groceries, clothing, etc. He says he goes because his money is being spent and he wants to know on what. He also goes to her place for dinner often. So many families function without the parents having to hang out together so I don't understand why it is necessary. I asked him to try to do thing seperate from her and he has been. But now she is angry with him and not allowing him to see his children. I feel responsible and I don't want to ruin his relationship with his kids. But at the same time, I can't disregard as to what I feel is inappropriate and unecessary. I don't want to lose him but at the same time I don't want to be the reason he can't see his kids. What should I do? Am I over-reacting?
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (25 April 2006):
 Your insecurities are ruining what was a perfectly amicable relationship between two people who have the interests of the most important people in all this at heart. THE CHILDREN!
This should not be about your opinions or your feelings and quite frankly I think your bf is a wuss for letting you dictate to him about the care of his kids.
Does it make you feel any better to have split them up like this? And in answer to your question yes I do think you are over-reacting. I also canot understand why you would not have a converstaion of this magnitude face to face and only sent an email?
Look, if you want to repair things tell him you ahve made a mistake and tell him to do things how he feels fit in regard with his kids, get your own rampant insecurity under control and learn to trust him around his ex. Children are only children for such a short time. When you ahve your own you will understand, especially if your relationship fails and you end up a single mother (which I wouldn't wish on anybody) You need all the help you can get when raising children and she needs all the fatherly input she can get.
Good luck.
I hope things work out eventually for you all.
xxx
A
male
reader, iamsoscrewedup333 +, writes (25 April 2006):
You are totally wrong about this. You are being very selfish and, although they are not your kids, you have to see that by them being friends it is soo much better for the kids. If he didn't want to be with you, he would not so by him just "hanging out" with her, going to buy stuff he is paying for and going over for dinner to be with his kids, it makes it soo much easier for them. You should grow up and support him and his seeing his kids. If I was you I would call his ex and take the fall for him and see if you can try to work it out so that he can see his kids...
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