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*etAGrip
writes:I was with my ex for 15 years. In the first year of our breakup he wanted me back. Maybe it was because he had seen I had got on with my life and I had a boyfriend.After pressure from him to get back with me, he agreed to have counseling. It took us 2 years to find a councilor we both liked. In this time we were off and on and then I found out he had been dating someone else during this time. Then it became my turn to pressure him into getting back with me. I have tried every tactic in the book and I have worked on myself to find out where things went wrong in our time together. This work has created more of an obsession and confusion, hence can’t get a grip. I know in time I will move on and forget him.But we have a 12 year old child together, and we have to be in contact. In this contact, he makes suggestions to come around and do jobs for me. He asks questions trying to find answers as to why things were said in our relationship. He says things like, I more fun than his girlfriend.Why does he say these things? Does he want me back? Does he want to have his cake and eat it? I’m still hanging onto strings?
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female
reader, GetAGrip +, writes (26 May 2008):
GetAGrip is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHas anyone got their ex back doing what i've been doing....against what every people say to do, it has worked.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): Stuff, I forgot to click that little box thingy.... Ah heck now you know who I am. Don't tell anybody ok.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): Hi GetAGrip, Your a hell of a lot braver than me. I'm so embarrassed by feelings for my ex, I'd rather post anonymously.
Yea my guy was confused and scared too. Told me once he made the decision he couldn't come back. (But he did briefly for 6months) Told me his girlfriend's a nice person and he didn't want to hurt her. I know he's hurt and confused, and I know he probably has feelings for me, but damn it, I deserve better. I deserve someone to come home to, someone to love me and share things with me.... So stuff his love and stuff his girlfriend.
I don't think ultimatums work, never used them unless I meant to carry them out. What seems to catch my ex's attention is my getting strong, forgetting about him and getting on with other things.... Then he can't seem to get enough of me. You have to think of your son. I think you should get on with your life (yes including dating him and other guys - Hey your now a single woman) If he wants you, he knows where to find you.
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female
reader, GetAGrip +, writes (21 May 2008):
GetAGrip is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't really understand how this site works, I have an update before but haven't had a reply. Does no reply mean its been lost in the system?
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female
reader, GetAGrip +, writes (19 May 2008):
GetAGrip is verified as being by the original poster of the questionQuestion; I can't decide whether or not to give him the ultimatum?We've had a break and he has started hanging around again but he is still seeing his girlfriend.He has told me he can’t live with me but can’t live without me.His brother dated this girl briefly 20 years ago and he bumped into her one day by chance.If she hadn’t been around, we may not be in this position. Regardless, mentally we were not ready, and I think the journey has happened for a reason.I don’t feel he wants to have his cake and eat it. He is confused because he’s scared.Putting pressure on him to make him choose, may result in loosing him altogether. I look at it this way. He has stronger ties with me. Maybe I am holding onto strings but if we start having fun together again hopefully he will back off her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): Good for you. Like your name. GetAGrip... hahaha (thanks, I don't get to laugh enough..... Couldn't understand it when my ex started telling me how much he loved and missed me... how he wished he never left me, how he thought about me every day.
Like you, I told him that I think he should be saying those things to his girl friend. Last time he turned up at my house, it was great. The place looked great, I looked great and I had my new guy in the kitchen preparing us dinner. Hah I thought, you go on holiday with your girlfriend thinking I'm sit here moping about you, well look buddy, life moves on for everyone. Still hurts though and I still cry, but day by day I'm getting angrier and stronger. He'll give up eventually with boredom, cause I show him no reaction, I treat him like a slightly unwelcolme person that I once knew.
For you he's your children's father no more no less. Stop hurting and start enjoying getting on with your life, especially when you know how crazy it makes him. The best revenge is to live well.
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female
reader, GetAGrip +, writes (16 May 2008):
GetAGrip is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers. Its easy to say move on and god have i tried but won't stop trying. I know each day will get easier. He told me he wants to do jobs for my son as well because he looks at us as still as his family. I suggest he go do this for his girlfriend but his response was she has her own family.????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): Being that you two have a daughter together--he's going to be in your life for pretty much most of it. So it's your job and his job to be parents to your daughter. However, having a relationship with him isn't working. If he's saying things to you like "you're more fun than my girlfriend" then why is he still with his girlfriend? He knows that you'll always be there and can come and go as he pleases because you allow it. Kick this guy to the curb. You should value yourself so much more and you do not deserve some creep. He is not going to change. Pressuring him to get back with you won't work either, if he wants you then he'll go after you. It feels so much more empowering when you have the control. Tell him that what he does is unacceptable and that a relationship between you two isn't working, he is not what you deserve. If you two talk, it is only going to pertain to your daughter. If he starts trying to talk about the two of you, end the conversation right there. As hard as it may be and you having feelings for him, do it! There's lots of men out there that will treat you right. You are wonderful just the way you are.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): I don't know, been in a similar situation myself. Unfortunatley no kids are involved. Just 18 wasted years. All I can do is give you the advice others gave me. He's playing games (so I'm told) he's trying to control your life (so I'm told) He want's to have his cake and eat it.For me. I don't do couples. My ex has a girlfriend, and I've told him that as long as their together I won't do more than shake his hand. The last time that he told me he loved and missed me, wished he never left me.... blah blah blah, I almost believed him... Didn't stop him from going on holiday with his girlfriend though. I still cry every day when I think about that latest bit of cruelty.I deserve happiness and so do you. I want the pain to stop, so I don't listen to his sweet words any more. I don't trust him, I will never trust him. I don't care any more what he thinks. He is no longer important in my life. I have no heart when he's concerned because he's broken it for the last time. It's no longer a case of "does he want me back", for me it's a case of "I want nothing to do with him, because I don't like to be hurt and in pain." And this too will pass......
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female
reader, mylonleyself  +, writes (15 May 2008):
 I think he doesn't know what he wants. Just try to get over him and go on with your life. It is hard I know since you have to see him from time to time because of your situation, but just try to see him as a friend who you had a relationship that didn't work.
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