A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My fiance just broke up with me with the reason "I have problems of my own to work out." He broke up with me on Christmas Eve for reasons neither of us understand. He was gone for three weeks and in that time I was stalked, harassed, raped and kidnapped by his best friend. His best friend lied to both of us, telling him that I had cheated on him with his friend, that I had always secretly loved his friend, and that we were dating. He told me that my fiance was using me for sex, was doing drugs and drinking when he knew I didn't approve, and cheated on me with random girls.My fiance came back, learned what had happened to me and with his help I was able to escape his friend and that nightmare. However, a lot of terrible words were exchanged at the first few meetings because of feelings of betrayal and not knowing truth from falsehood.We were working on our problems and everything that had happened until the end of March, when my fiance had a terrible mental breakdown. He was dealing with the stress from the betrayal and loss of his best friend, getting over misplaced feelings with me, the illness of his grandmother and grandfather (who raised him). So he left me again. Except this time he came back an hour later and said once again "I don't know why I did that."I told him I'd take him back only if he was sure that this was what he wanted. He said it was and that he wouldn't leave again.It was only a few days later when he started talking about not knowing what he wanted. He left me for a third time last Saturday. I'm really heart broken and confused and want him back. But at the same time I'm furious for the way he's been treating me, and for him starting up drugs again. He said some things to me during the break-up that make me wonder if he's really gone for good.He seemed extremely sad during the whole thing, always sort of reaching out for me, before walking across the room to get away from me. He ran his fingers through my hair and sounded depressed when he told me I had to leave, and not come back. When I asked him if he really didn't want me anymore he said "The answer to that wouldn't help you right now" instead of just "no". Later he said "So what if I did?" to the same question but dropped that immediately after that. He told me if I ever needed him for something he'd still be there, but he couldn't handle being my fiance.I asked him if there was a chance for us in the future, and he said he didn't know what would happen.I asked him not to fall in love with someone else (in a fit of desperation) but he said he didn't know what would happen....When I left, he was laying on his bed facing away from me and I heard him say "I love you".He kept the first gift I ever gave him (a very rainbow lollipop) but offered to give it back to me if I wanted it, and the Valentine's gift I gave him.He said that he was scared of having people close to him. He was scared of him having friends and something of the same happening again. (I think he blames me a little for what happened with his friend.) He said he doesn't know who he is anymore.I guess I just want to know if he's gone for good. I don't want to give up on him. Deep in my heart I know he's the one for me. I really need a third-person's view on this. Please, don't tell me to just give up. Don't do that. Everyone in my family hates him now and wants him gone. I can't do that just yet.Someone, please, does anyone understand this situation?
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best friend, broke up, cheated on me, christmas, depressed, drugs, fiance, grandmother, stalking Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 April 2011):
 Suppose he is . Would you take him back ? So that he can break up with you for the 4th time ? As he will in all probability do, having amply shown himself self -centered , unreliable, fickle and uncommitted ( with, or without good cause, it does not matter a lot ). Oh, and let's not forget a drug user. Not the most stable of mates in the best of cases, and not the most appropriate for a girl who does not like drugs.
So , you are not ready to let him go, but you are ready to let him break your heart AGAIN. That's very brave of you .
Brave to a fault.
You don't want to hear these things, and in part I understand you- but in part I don't. I don't understand people who has zero self preservation instincts. What happened to you is terrible, must have left you shattered and traumatized, and it will take time and effort for you to fully heal . Don't you want to protect yourself, and avoid anything /anybody that can bring more trauma, or delay indefinitely your healing ?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): This is me again with an update. Sort of. I remembered that I forgot something in the back of his car today. I worked up the courage and texted him, "I forgot my kit in the back of your car." He said "I know. I was already going to bring it over." That was around noon today and he never brought it over. That makes me wonder if he's waiting for a better time for talking purposes to bring it over or something. There's no reason for him to wait and he very rarely forgets these sort of things.
Maybe I'm over thinking things. It's just that there's no reason to not just leave it at the door if he wants to. Or maybe is he just working up his own courage to face me again? I don't know
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