A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Once again. Another question. I'm very confused about what to do right now. It is a complicating situation. I have written about the same guy and relationship a couple times in the last few days. I guess to fill in up to current situation, dating 2 months, lived with him after about 3 weeks, broke up and went back home. Tried to make it work somewhat but he wasn't ready. Took about a 1 day break and he came back, I wasn't sure if I was ready. Dated for about a week and broke up again. This time it was almost 2 full days before he called back. We determined we are addicted to each other, for some reason we cannot let the other one go. He said he has never felt like this before for anyone. That he has never ended a relationship then got back together or even felt the need to be friends. But for some reason he can't let me go. And vice versa. Well this time when he called after our 2 day break, I was certain what I wanted. I love him, I want him. I had made a mistake in seeing another guy behind his back (as friends only) and that is why we broke up that time. Anyway, I am sure what I want, he is not. Although he is the one who called back, and always is the one who calls back, he said he doesn't want to just jump back into the relationship this time. He said he needed time, still wants to talk and not date other people, but he doesnt want to immediately jump into it again and said it wouldn't work if we did. He also said it is a phase he is going through and he just isn't wanting a relationship right now but as soon as he does I will be the first to know. His propostion basically is to be friends until he wants to try to date again, which he isn't sure how long it would take, but he isn't dating other people. He said he would not stop me from dating other people. I am unsure what to do. I love him to death. But it scares me to think of waiting for him and then he would decide he doesn't want me. I could be dealing with the break up now rather than a month or whatever from now. I don't want to date other people anyway so that isn't a problem. I would just hate to expect something and be let down. Or he was ready to start dating and he dated someone else. I don't think it is possible for me to talk to him in any capacity and date other guys, I would only want him. So my options are- friends until he is ready to date, or leave him completely and move on. Friends without the option of dating would crush me as I love him too much and the false hope will just kill me. I just find it hard to even tell how he really feels. Would he be dragging me along? And why? He has said countless times he can't just let me go and walking away from me would be impossible. Could it really be that he just needs time to think...? And I'm just pessimistic in expecting the worst? Any advice is appreciated. Sorry if it is too confusing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2010): Sounds like he's waiting to find someone else and then break it off..
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 I think you should give him a chance. For some guys, falling in love can be a scary thing because they feel like they are losing control. The relationship will be stronger if he knows you are patient with him. The ones that you don't have to wait for don't matter anyway. He might not be able to handle strong emotions. There is nothing to think about and he wouldn't know what to think about. Maybe he's preparing himself for the emotional ups and downs he will have being with you. This is not really a break up but a time out session. For me, the reasons for breaking up are abuse, substance abuse, cheating and loss of loving feelings. I feel nowadays people either break up too easily or put up with shit for too long. If he's the one initiating the break up, he's not handling it properly. You should still encourage him to express his feelings. Maybe during this time he is processing the deepest emotions of his life. For him, all of these are unexpected. Being in love also triggers the fear of abandonment and betrayal, whether his parents had a good relationship or not. Being his friend is hard. Avoiding him could be even harder. If you get back with him I would suggest you not live with each other again, if he's not suggesting that already.
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