A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I went to Spain recently on holiday and have met a man that I could really fall in love with. After having a string of negative possessive relatiosnhips and also having a very unaffectionate family background it was a breath of fresh air for me as I didnt think it was possible that someone could ever feel that passionate towards me. I've never felt so free, so at home and at ease with anyone that instantly before partner wise. The only trouble is is that he doesnt speak much english and me not much spanish.I met him at a restuarant where he worked and we started going on some dates after my friends had all gone to sleep. I have been single for years now and have never had sex with someone so soon before so I was extremely worried he would no longer respect me if I did but he took me to his work place the next day and got his friends to bring out surprise champagne and a birthday cake for me and then continued to spend time with me. When I got home he got his sister to call me who speaks very good english to tell me of how much fun he had being with me. He also writes emails and texts me now and again saying sweet things like he misses me, loves me, needs me etc and that he is starting english classes soon. He wants me to go and visit him soon but none of my friends can come this time so am very nervous of going on my own for fear of him suddenly being different perhaps once he knows Im there on my own. Am I just being paranoid because of my bad past and these are really postive signs that he does truely likes me or would be irresponisble of me to go on my own? Any help would be appreciated or even better if someone has been in a similar situation. Thankyou so much for listening.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou very much the responses, especially the male point of view of which I found the most helpful. Your defintely right in saying Im looking for the negatives all the time. You should defintely give more advice as its very insightful! The only way I can tell if its right is by time and theres always a risk in any relationship isn't there that it might not work out so I will try to not be afraid of that and just go over there and try and enjoy myself! Thankyou for helping me see that a bit more clearly. Its been over a month now since Ive been home and he still writes and texts so fingers crossed!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008): I'm not normally one to give advice, and I hate to sound as though I know everything, so I hope these words don't offend you. When we go through life constantly on the alert for signs of how a person "could" hurt us, we risk ignoring all the signs that he wont. The way you wrote your letter suggests that your more looking for signs that this man's going to hurt you, and your confused at how you haven't been able to find one. It certainly isn't your fault either, since you've clearly had a bad history with relationships and it's probably aided you to be on edge when your considering a relationship with someone. These "defense mechanisms" are healthy and even neccissary to an extent.
However we cannot allow these "defenses" to prevent us from being with someone we're really excited about. You seem to really like this guy and if he's willing to write and text you from across the Atlantic every waking moment as well as take english lessons so he can talk with you, he certainly in it for the long haul. While life is too precious to spend with a person who mistreats you, it's certainly too short not to spend it with someone who loves you. Go for it, and enjoy every moment.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (9 September 2008):
 I think what you are feeling now is complete lust over this guy. We all want to find the "one" but i don't think this is the guy for you.
First off, you don't even speak the same language. How are you to communicate and carry on a conversation?
He knows you are on holiday so he is probably treating you great until you return home. By then i bet the text and emails will die down.
A man who tells you he "loves you" right away..now that is a HUGE RED FLAG.
I say if you really like him..take it slow..and let him prove his love for you. Don't listen to what he says..look at his actions.
Also..do not go alone to visit him. If he really likes you..make him visit you.
Whatever the case..i think he looks at it as you are a girl he can have fun with. Don't take him or the relationship too seriously. Take it slow.
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