A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex-boyfriend and I met on a dating site. We hit it off immediately and throughout our 6-month relationship he’d text/call everyday. He was still occasionally on the dating site where we met but I didn't say anything. We live in different cities (35 miles apart). He was working full-time, going to school and has a son but we found time to hangout once or twice a week. Some days we would chat all day/night. After 2 months he asked if I was happy with the way things were going and I said yes. He said in previous relationships he's know early that he was in love and he didn't know why he didn't have those feelings for me yet because I'm exactly the type of person he wants to settle down with. He said he felt a connection and wanted to continue dating. 2 months later he started pulling away and wasn't texting/calling me as much and was always busy when I asked to do something. I told him how this made me feel and how it upset me that he was still on the dating site regularly. He apologized and said he didn't have the feelings he thought he should for me. We broke up. A week later he text me to see how I was doing. I responded politely. 3 days later I put my dating profile back up and he text me. We talked and decided to try again. We decided we needed to spend more time together and get out of town. Over the next month we spent tons of time together and had a great weekend at the coast. Shortly after that I told him I was in love with him and we talked about the relationship. He said he still didn't feel the way he wants to about me but he likes me a lot and I'm great with his son and wants to continue dating. That day he completely deleted his online dating account and I thought he was finally falling in love with me. 2 weeks later he told me it still wasn't working. He still didn't feel the way he thought he should and he cares about me too much to keep doing this to me so we broke up. I was devastated. I didn't beg him to give us another chance but I might as well have. He consoled me and said we would both move on eventually. We agreed to be friends and I finally let him leave. We both put our dating profiles back on and he was on it 24/7. He texts me every few days to say hi and always asks if I have any dates. Last week he commented on a Facebook photo of mine from our weekend at the coast. A few days later he text me to say Happy 4th and he didn't ask if I had any dates. He's not online as much either. He text me again today saying he saw me online and wanted to say hi and asked if I had any luck on there. I told him I'd been going out with someone but it didn't work out. He said he met someone too but she didn't seem all that interested anymore. I've been driving myself crazy trying to analyze all this and figure out what it means. Does he miss me and want to get back together but is too scared to make the first move? Should I do/say something? Or has he really met someone online and is dating her?
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female
reader, Brwneyezblu2 +, writes (14 July 2013):
 In my opinion, he's still undecided about his feelings for you. It's obvious he cares for you, but I think you should date other guys, and not wait any longer for him to come around. If you cut off all ties, he will either miss you, or move on. At least by you dating others, you're not setting yourself up for anymore heartache, by waiting around too long. If its meant to be, I strongly believe it WILL work itself out.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (9 July 2013):
 Regardless of his current communications with you, the simple fact is that he tried to make the relationship work but wasnt falling in love with you so ended it. He tried twice to see if the feelings would come, they did not so he did the grown up thing and walked away.
He can say what he wants to you now but you need to keep reminding yourself that this man does not have strong feelings for you and only 'cares' about you, he doesnt love you and never will.
I think it would be best for you to cut contact with him - explain to him that you are struggling to move on with the frequent contact and ask him to not text you anymore because you need to be away from him in order to move on. You still love him and want him back, so if you keep on allowing him to contact you then you will keep holding onto these feelings and you will never get over him.
Clinging onto every text message and over-analysing non-existent meanings is not doing you any favours, he doesn't love you and the relationship did not work - MOVE ON.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 July 2013):
 I think he keeps you as a "spare" in case other chicks doesn't work out, and honestly no one wants to be someone's fallback girl/spare.
I would honestly end contact, you are getting nothing out of it, not short term nor long term - other then wasting your time.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (9 July 2013):
 He's basically letting you down easy. It's the whole: "I like you, but I'm not in love with you" BS line. I'd just forget about him and move on.
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