A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I need some serious advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost five years. During the third year of our relationship we had some problems and both of us were to blame. We broke up for about six months at the most and have been back together ever since. The problem is, he is hiding our relationship from his parents. He compeletely excludes me from everything that has to do with them and when we happen to be at the same place because my daughter and his daughter dance together we have to act like we arent together. His mother even went as far as telling people at the studio that we are no longer together. I have tried to be patient and understanding but this is ridiculous and can't handle it anymore. I have told him how it makes me feel unloved and like he is ashamed of me and that I am not good enough for his family. I know that his mother doesn't like the fact that I have children even though he has a daughter also. She is very opinionated and tries to control him in every way possible. He even hides his beer in case she might "stop by" his house. I mean seriously, we are grown adults in our thirties. I have asked him why he can't stand up to his mother for me and us but he just says no. I have been left out of every holiday and birthday and family gettogether for the past year and a half. I told him today that I can't take this anymore and if he cant make me a part of his family life than I cant continue anymore. He told me that I am just trying to be controling and wear the pants in the relationship. I told him that I want a relationship that was built on mutual respect and how could he possibly respect me if he is ashamed of me and hiding me from his parents. I am not a child and this is not high school Before our split I was involved in every family gathering and every get together. I thought I got along well with everyone including his mother until I found out after we split that she hated me and didn't want me around. I am heart broken and sad, but I know that I am doing what's right for me. What is his problem? Does he really think that he is being fair and respectful in tis matter? Can he really believe that this is right. Or is it like I suspect, he just doesn't love me enough to stand up to his mother? He told me that he cant' do it and we are now no longer together. I am very confused and upset. Please help.
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female
reader, kasarah +, writes (1 September 2009):
I know exactly what you are going through. I was with mine for 5 years on an off and he was the only person i was with in that time but him he messed around like crazy. Needless to say his mother hates me she has even went as far as threatned to kill me herself!! i love his man with all my heart but the one thing that i asked for besides trust was for him to finally stand up to her and tell her that i am the only girl that has ever been there for him and he might even have a baby and look where i am at. still wanting to be with him. I think that you need to just go and finaly find your happiness. take it from someone who should prob take her own advise but just cant
A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (23 April 2009):
 I recently dated a 20 year old guy who behaved similarly to your description of your boyfriend. Even for a 20 year old I thought his behaviour was ridiculous, immature and unbearable. So for a 30 year old man to be behaving that way is unfathomable. If he hasn't cut the apron strings by now it doesn't seem he ever will. His mother is always going to be the main women in his life, and while she is such a huge figure in his life the relationship is always going to be dominated by HER!You are a 30 year old woman, you should not be hidden, you should not be in a relationship that is hindered by someones mother.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (23 April 2009):
Are you sure he's 30? Are you sure he's not 17 and in disguise?
You haven't said "IT'S HER OR MEEEEEEEE!!!!" and asked him to disown his family, you have simply said that you want him to tell his family about you.
The fact he says that it's just not going to happen EVER and he doesn't care how you feel says to me that he is ALWAYS going to pick her, in every argument, in every social situation.
In her eyes he is obviously too good for you, and probably too good for every woman on this planet. If he chooses to stay Mummy's Little Soldier rather than growing up and getting a life then he's going to be very sad and lonely.
Leave him to it. You've tried all you can and he's made it clear you'll always come second. I honestly think it's going to be miserable for you even if he does tell her as she is always going to be the third person in your relationship.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (23 April 2009):
 Wow! This guy is still tied to his mothers apron strings, and by the sounds of it, is quite happy! Sorry but the way he denies your relationship makes me wonder just how serious he is about you. You dont sound controlling, you sound like you are at the end of your tether! I dont know if your relationship will ever go further, and I suggest that perhaps you start making a life for yourself, excluding him! He is in his 30's but acts like he is 13!!
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