A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey, sorry this is going to be a long rant but I need to get it off my chest. The names have been changed.I'm really confused and don't want to discuss this with anyone who knows me because friends always seem to want to reassure me and Pauls' friends will obviously go and talk to him behind my back, so I want real opinions. I think my boyfriend(let's call him Paul) likes another girl(we'll call her Shannon), lately he's acting different around me, not so everyone notices it. But kind of in a way only I notice, less loving kind of thing. I want to know so I don't get too attached to him and end up being badly hurt somewhere down the line...He checks my social networking account something rotten, so that shows paranoia on his part. So as a joke the other night I checked his back while he was out, he's always got a conversation open at the bottom of the page with me and Shannon, usually he closes all his conversations on facebook and only keeps mine up when he's finished chatting, so I read their conversation.. and there was casual flirting going on, now I wouldn't mind but if I said those things to a boy there would be biig trouble. Now he totally denies any flirting, yet a while ago he said to me "Don't put kisses or hearts to other people while your in a relationship, they're meant to be special" (his words exactly) yet I saw plenty of kisses and hearts on that conversation. I know it sounds silly but, it means something to me. I know Paul very well and I can tell what he considers flirting.Then when I asked him about it, I didn't accuse. I simply asked if he liked Shannon, because if he does I don't want to get too attached and be hurt somewhere down the line because his feelings have grown towards her and I'd like to know there it mutual trust. He started a big argument, after apologising and whatnot and me giving in because I can't stand to see him sad I put it all to the back of my mind and told myself they're friends. Whatever.Then the next day he gets a text on his phone(he's checked all my texts) so jokingly I reached towards it to see what he would do, he dived towards his phone very defensively... so I gave him a puzzled look. He then laughed and went "can't believe Shannon doesn't like Dubstep". He texts no one as much as he texts Shannon, always reading bits out when he's near me as if to cover something like "Omg, I can't believe she done blahblahblah"An hour later he had to go to the shop to pick something up, he left his phone on the side. I felt reallyyy bad but I just wanted to see, I thought no harm of it considering Paul says he has nothing to hide, besides he always checks mine and if there wasn't anything to hide I'd just look silly yet be reassured.And I saw a conversation in which there was definitely more flirting and he told the girl about me being suspicious because I thought they had 'something'(in a way I could see him trying to get her to say, and there isn't? or something) and obviously the little bitch wanting to sound innocent said stuff like "oh, I don't see why. I don't have anything on her" she got the reply she wanted, boyfriend sent basically that I have a reason to be jealous of her because she's pretty funny etc etc and that me and all the other girls that don't like her are pathetic and jealous. I'm not jealous of her at all, it's losing him that I'm scared or whatever about. So I got upset, I put the phone back and wasn't going to say anything. I was just going to toughen up but when he got home I blurted it out and he got VERRYYY angry. So after another big argument we sorted it out, it's now the next day, he's in work and I'm at home not knowing what to make of it all. A while back I noticed when we hung out that he always asked people if she would be coming too, so I said to him(this was months ago) "what do you think of her? do you find her attractive?" and he said "No, she's ugly and just a randomer from town. We're not really good friends or anything" yet he tells her she's pretty and in arguments he says they're just 'really good friends' when I knew no better apparently she was ugly and he just knew her to talk to. Suddenly it's 'we're just good friends'. Why would he lie to me? I wouldn't of minded them being friends.... he didn't have to call her ugly. I feel horrible because part of me wants to believe they're just playing around and friends, and that he's my angel. But the other half wants to kick her head all over the place and yell at him until he tells the truth... I'm trying my best to get over it, but I keep thinking of him texting her and mailing her all the time flirty things and it hurts...So, am I just being over protective and should I sort myself out and stop being a bitch?Or, is there a chance he does have feelings for her from those signs? (there's more but I don't want to bore you any more)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, XPandoraX  +, writes (9 May 2011):
Huni i am sorry you are going through this, god knows i have been there and to be honest somtimes it can just be us women getting emotional and reading to much into things. But i must say that it sounds to me like you should be aware, there is a possibility this could be more than just friendship, the signes are there. But you have to ask yourself things like; how often does he see this woman? Is there times when he could be somwhere without you knowing? and how has he changed towards you? Dont make a move on him untill you are sure you've got somthing that he can't denie. but also dont let him string you along, if he is cheating on you, he dosent deserve you.
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