A
female
age
36-40,
*ndecidedlove
writes:So let me start off with a little history. I met this guy right out of high school, we had this connection that was so strong its unexplainable and we hadnt even had sex, After about three months he got into some trouble and ended up in jail, I kept in touch through letters and phone calls we lost contact after a while, Some how we got back in contact and started having sex every time we seen each other -dont forget the connection we had in the beginning was still there. About two years ago he had a child with another female but the whole time she was pregnant we were having sex. Til this day we are still having sex we live about two hours away and we talk about three times a week see each other about 2-3 times a month (conflicting schedules) He told me he loved me for the first time after he had his kid about two months ago and that he does not want to leave his son until he can understand why he will not be there. He did acknowledge that I have been there through all of this, and when our time comes we will be together.So my question to all of you is am I wasting my time and energy into something that maybe just a booty call? Or is it more than that do you think he has any intentions on making a life with me? What to do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): As a Guy I just dont get why Women do this to themselves.
This is how a male would think of this situation:
Girls with criminal records are automaticly off the table: To go to those lengths shows low moral fibre and they may even be dangerous.
Girls who cheat on their partners are also out: whats to stop them cheating on you?
His female equivalent would be only a booty call and nothing more.
You need to get away from this guy and have a real relationship
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (13 October 2009):
 I think you have to question this guys morals and motives. He isn't exactly man of the year is he. Going to jail and having sex with you whilst another woman was having his child. It's also funny how the word 'Love' can mask a whole bunch of bad stuff...it's like fairy dust...it makes things dissapear!!
The hard facts are that he has a son who he needs and wants to be there for. You are on the benches at the moment and believe me it's going to be a long wait with no guarantee that he is ever going to be with you. Also consider the other woman (mother of his child) does she still retain feelings for him?
Sometimes I just don't get women who cling on and hanker after men who display questionable behaviour. I often think that these men should be left out in the cold when they behave like this. Perhaps it may teach them to get their lives in order.
He says 'when your time comes, you will be together' but gives you no indication when. You might wait forever.
You have two choices:
Wait and see if it does pay off (which it might or might not)
Leave him be and take control over your life. That way your free to date other people and perhaps find someone who can commit to you and love you fully.
Aunty Em xx
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A
female
reader, MAIDinHeaven +, writes (13 October 2009):
Wow...darling...what a mess! I'm sure you're pretty confused and distraught right now. The signs are pretty obvious and I'm going to have to hand you the truth! (please don't be mad)
1) He's been in jail. For whatever reason I don't know, don't get wrong i'm all for the yellow ribbon project and second chances and all, but if i'm looking at a marriage prospect this would be a loud clanging warning bell. What was he in for? Arson? Theft? Assault? Does he have integrity or a good character with strong morals and values? Is he a new man or is there still that sort of naughty danger aspect that draws you to him? I'm guessing you may fancy him due to a sort of Johnny Depp/Colin Farrel dangerous bad boy syndrome. What has happened in your life that has caused you to be drawn to a man like that? Things to ponder!
2) He was sleeping with you while the mother of his child was pregnant?? Girl....that's a no-no. It already shows he lacks character. Ask him, would he let his daughter get involved with a man like him? Would he allow his daughter to be treated like that by a man, the way he has treated you (sleep with you regularly yet zero commitment)? Would he let his daughter wait around for a guy like that to "come to his senses" that you're the one? I'm guessing not! He'll probably want to kick the guy's butt! Then why are you putting yourself through this?
I do feel your pain. Been there, done that. But not anymore! I wish you all the best and hope you find your peace of mind and joy again! :)
Maid in Heaven
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