A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Aunts please help?I've had sex with this guy twice. I've known him since childhood, but not personally. We didn't use protection but he pulled out the first time, this second time he didn't. What's up with this... I didn't know until after the fact...We discussed that we both only had one child and wasn't in a rush to have more... he didn't follow through... he came in me without asking. What's up with this... not to mention it's been 3 weeks since the first time we had sex and two weeks since I spoke with him last... what do you all think? Help me please???? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): First of all, I'd like to mention that like the other posters said, you've been VERY lucky so far if you're just using the pull out method. That is more of a method to GET pregnant rather than the opposite. Pre-cum contains sperm that can just as easily get you pregnant, and it's released well before "the heat of the moment", but without his control.
Also, to the anonymous female poster who said, "If he gets caught in the heat of the moment again, drop him!", I think that's a bit of an unfair statement. It doesn't neccessarliy mean he was TRYING to be disrespectful of her wishes, but in all honestly it's difficult sometimes to know EXACTLY when you're going to orgasm (for guys and girls both) and have enough control to pull out then.
Unfortunately, I know it's impossible for me to make a statment like that and have it be taken as being objective (because I'm a guy) but I really do think that's the truth. If girls were the ones having to make a change like that in the middle of orgasming, they'd feel it was just as difficult at times. Also, every time you have sex is going to be different, just because he did stop once doesn't mean it's going to be exactly the same next time and maybe he will orgasm before he can pull out. There are any number of reasons that this method doesn't work, lack of control being one of them.
Now, to the orginial poster, what I've said just now may explain why he didn't follow what he said. After reading your follow-up though, where you say "i did make him aware that since we're not using protection that he needed to use protection if he's with someone else...", it sounds as though you are telling him what to do with his other sexual partners just because he's also sleeping with you. I'm not saying that that was how it was intended, but to me it came across as you saying that because he's going to be sleeping with you without protection then he MUST use it with other partners simply because you don't want to get anything. I don't feel that's your place to say, especially considering that you're not in a committed relationship and you are choosing not to protect yourself with him by not using condoms.
Although you're not asking why he hasn't contacted you, etc., I'd like to say that perhaps to him this was just sex. You had sex on the first date, and then met again for another date ending in sex. He may see you as more of a friends with benefits thing than a relationship simply because of how quickly you two became physical, and also because you have another sex partner.
My advice is to wait and take a test, find out if you're pregnant. If you are, find out who the father is (protection can fail, even with this other guy you're sleeping with who ALWAYS wears it.) If you're not pregnant, and you don't like how this guy is during sex (not pulling out like you asked, etc.) then simply stop having sex with him. Although I don't personally think that you can always expect someone, guy or girl, to be able to have that control over their body's reactions during an orgasm, if you feel that he should have, then don't sleep with him again (or at least use protection.)
I apologize if I've offended anyone, I was simply making observations and offering opinions and another point of view. I hope this was somewhat helpful anyway.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): If this is the method you use as birth control you have gotten really really lucky. Pulling out does not work! There is such a thing called pre-ejaculate and it can contain sperm. So unless you want another child, try birth control.
I know you weren't really inquiring about him not calling you in 2 weeks but this is something to think about. This guy doesn't sound like a keeper, if he is really into you and you are really into him, not calling you for that long is unacceptable.
Also, I have seen this time and time again, just because you stick to using protection with your other partners doesn't mean that he follows the same rules with his other sexual partners. Be smart about this because pregnancy could be the least of your worries. Think about your health, you're putting yourself at risk for contracting an STD. Not to scare you but you two really need to discuss this.
Also, it sounds like he doesn't really respect your views on the pulling out method. Most importantly you have made it clear to him and whether or not he was "in the heat of the moment" he should respect that this is something you feel strongly about! He's done it before so he can do it again! If you want to remain in a sexual relationship with this guy definitely sit him down and make him understand that he CAN NOT do that to you anymore. If he gets caught in the heat of the moment again, drop him!
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (28 October 2009):
 Yes I took "two weeks since I spoke with him last." as that you haven't spoken with him in 2 weeks rather than you have sex 2 weeks apart..
But if you have been using the withdrawal method without getting pregnant, you've been lucky so far, because it can happen..
As far as not pulling out, that can be like trying to stop a train on a dime sometimes.. you are better off using other means of protection if you don't want to have a baby, but why he did it.. you'd have to ask him. Beyond that, all we can offer is opinion and conjecture of what or what may be..
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey aunt's!
im the original poster and i appreciate the responses...as for tux...im not sure if you misunderstood the way i wrote but i wasn't at all wondering why he hadn't contacted me, because in fact he is the one who contacted me for 2nd date...it just took 2wks...
i was wondering along the lines of if we as adults close to 30 both discussed our feelings about having kids...regardless of the heat of the moment and so forth why wouldn't you pull out...ive always used pull out method and have never...i say again...never been pregnant from that...and i have a 5yr old son...so i know im able to reproduce...so this is why i use this method with those who i trust...
but you guys are probably right it just felt good to him...i did make him aware that since we're not using protection that he needed to use protection if he's with someone else...
i do...yes it may not sound like the perfect girl but yes im not committed at this point and i do have another sex partner...he always uses protection...always...and it has never broke or came off or nothing...
but...time will tell...i seriously doubt if i'm pregnant...i was just wondering why he didn't follow what he said...and then not warn me!
thanks again all ;~)
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (28 October 2009):
Whether he pulled out or came inside of you, you still have a chance to get pregnant from it. Of course, cumming inside increases the risk, but the withdrawal method is NOT a method of preventing becoming pregnant.
As for why he came inside of you the second time, it could have been just because of the heat of the moment and with no other motive.. this is another reason why you shouldn't trust the withdrawal method.. it is hard to stop once it's going...
As for why he hasn't spoke to you.. I'm not going to rush out and assume it's "just because he used for his pleasure" like other people will just come out and assume, but that is 1 possibility, but then again you got your pleasure as well considering you had him come back for seconds.. but another reason he may not be contacting you is because he thinks your mad and doesn't want to deal with that.
But you just need to see what the real reason is.. and try to talk to him.
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A
female
reader, angelbbabe7490 +, writes (28 October 2009):
 The whole situation aggrivates me. He could of at least had the courtesty to buy you Plan B. For all you know you might even be pregnant with this random mans child. You should have used protection but there is nothing you can do about it now. I would take a pregnancy test and if you are not pregnant I would forget about this man because he used you for his pleasure.
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