A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'd love to get a third person's opinion I fell hard for an old friend but we live in different cities. He used to flirt back and forth and met a few times. I'm not sure of he had feelings for me. After 3 years and I finally told him everything. Even before I could confess, he said he knows what I'm trying to say and said he would have loved to date me if we both were in the same city. He said he can't even have a gf in his own city cause his work timings are crazy and relationship need time. I agreed and said I would be have wasted 3 years if I knew relationship was possible.He said it's too late for a romantic relationship and we both have crazy work schedules so long distance is not possible. I don't know what he meant by he would have asked me out if we both were from the same city? Was this an excuse to not hurt me or he really feels the same? He kept talking about how cute it was the way I behaved on our date..like he remembers everything. He has my pics in his phone as well. I told him what I feel for him etc. His reply was - I see that ?? ypu can be so cute but like we discussed yesterday...we both know..."I msgd him in the morning and said I hope I didn't make him uncomfortable by confessing feelings etc. His reply was "lol. I feel likewise" Nothing after that.What does he mean by "I feel likewise? " Does he mean he feels the same way or he means he also feels he made me uncomfortable with that conversation? He didn't confess anything as such... Why would he feel he made me uncomfortable? I know it doesn't matter cause I got to move on but I really want to know what does it look like? I don't want to ask him and start this conversation again.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 May 2017):
 He didn't want to hurt you so he was as kind as he could have been. He knew you had feelings for him, but he is not interested in a relationship and I think he was using distance as an excuse. Maybe take some time out from contacting him and spend time on yourself and getting over your feelings for him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2017): The appropriate phrase is: "he let you down easy."
He explained to you reasons why dating and a relationship isn't possible; and as Honeypie explains, the idea has been rejected. Perhaps from our perspective, from the outside looking in, it's easier to see that he's not looking for a relationship with you. He softened the blow by broadening that to include no girlfriend at all.
Let me interpret man-speak for you, girlfriend. He doesn't want a commitment of any-kind. He tried to put it in practical terms hoping you'd understand and wouldn't take it hard; because this man has been a 3-year ongoing project for you. You have pursued him consistently, and he's trying to use distance as his reason.
"Distance" presents two difficult factors into maintaining a relationship. They are "futility and frustration."
His point here is, it just isn't going to happen.
In most cases, it is much better to date locally. Especially when you have a crazy work schedule. You can't survive on a hit or miss romance. The confusion here is; part of it is spoken in code, and the rest is your not wanting to take a hint. Throw some sugar on top, and flirt a little, so not to hurt your feelings. Thus the words " I feel likewise." But don't miss the point, sweetheart!
He doesn't want a long-distance romance and he doesn't want a relationship in his life right now. Move on, my dear!
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (28 May 2017):
 I have never understood how an LDR could work, and if someone proposed it to me, even if I really liked them, I would probably knock them back... unless i was deeply in infatuation zone.He clearly likes you as a person but not enough for a relationship, sorry it's not personal, sometimes the chemistry isnt there... and it's pretty hard to keep that alive for someone youre usually seperated from..I agree he WOULD have made his feelings known by now in three years... But even if he had feelings they dull over time of not being with someone.-also take him for his word- his lifestyle maybe might make it hard for him to have a gf. Nobody can heal your heart, but you need to remember that youre both young and what you want to be doing is getting out in that beer garden- enjoyinh summer, cos we've all been there where it's painful but it just doesnt work. Take care and keep occupied and strong!
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (28 May 2017):
 My own feeling is that he likes you, he finds you attractive, but he's holding back from the full relationship idea and using 'different cities' as a convenient excuse. It could be that he doesn't want to lose your friendship, or that he finds the idea of dating a 'friend' tricky, but I think you have to leave him be, unless her comes back with a more positive attitude. I'm sure he is flattered though by your interest. I wish you all the best for your future x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2017): What I see is your continuing keeping this line of enquire open , regarding I like you .. how do you feel .. even messaging him the next day regarding it and now your wondering why he isn't texting ?? He's not texting because he's frightening you will continue with this and to him it's been discussed and put under the carpet . Harping no I'm sorry sweetie becomes nagging and nagging puts peeps off.. friendship shouldn't have any hidden agenda . He wants to remain friends, so you need to let this go .. say okay . I haven't lost anything as the friendship still there and go look nearer hand for your one . If you want this friendship to continue .. you need to move the topic . Do not raise it .. qs his silence anything just move the topic and never ever raise it again . Let him raise it, if he ever does .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2017): It sounds like he isn't ready for a relationship. He is using distance as an excuse. If he was really into you he would move heaven and earth to be with you and nothing would be too much trouble.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 May 2017):
 I don't think it really MATTERS how he feels deep dow, he REJECTED the idea of the two of you and hat is that.
My guess though? I don't think he feels the same. He likes you and enjoys having someone to flirt with and talk to - because you WERE far enough away that he thought nothing would happen, that made you "safe" to flirt with. As in you would have further expectations of him for MORE.
Now that you DID tell him you felt more, he is pulling back, he might even pull the plug on talking to you, all that often.
My advice? Accept that it isn't meant to be, distance or no distance. LOOK elsewhere for a romantic partner and don't wait 3 years to tell someone if you care about them.
Maybe... also date someone who lives closer to your geographical location so you can ACTUALLY see each other in person instead of keeping things going over tech.
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