A
female
age
30-35,
*PF
writes:My ex and I broke up last november, so 6 months ago, it would have been our 3 year anniversary today! We started going out when we were both 15 and are currently both 18. I'm going to bullet point what happened to make it shorter:-Last year of our relationship, we started to argue more, our mutual friends resented us as a couple, which meant we spent less time with them and more time together, our mutual friends began to drift apart (we were all growing up)-We get our exam results in summer 2010, I do well, he does badly. -November 2010, his retakes are coming up in Jan, and he realises he needs to do well this time, obviously under considerable pressure by parents to focus on work, break up with me, and in his spare time be a young boy (go clubbing, get with girls).-It all comes to head at a mutual friends party, we talk, im distraught as to how he says he's not sure if he has time to have a girlfriend, then goes on to say, I will be going to uni in september 2011, so is there much point. (I told him we were breaking up when I was going to uni, maybe he wanted control over the break up?) My friends persuade him to let me stay at his to talk things over, he accepts and takes me home and in taxi, opens up and gets rather emotional, saying he loves me so much and can't imagine life without me. Yet next day, when his tutor arrives, I can clearly see I'm not a priority in his life anymore.-We don't talk much the next week and then we were supposed to meet up at a mutual friends birthday party at a club, my friend decides she wants to go somewhere else, so he goes to the club and I don't. I hear hes been going around saying hes 'single'.-Next day it all comes to head, and we break up over the phone, after he doesn't put up much of a fight, seemed like he wanted to be single, or was he pressurised into letting us break up? -2 weeks later, he hears I kissed a guy at a party, this is not true, Next night, he goes kisses a girl, he denies this to me. - I heard via friends its true he kissed the girl, to me this is the end, I delete him off everything, phone and facebook. - I decide to cancel my christmas holiday to sydney to concentrate on school work and getting my life back on track, have house to myself. He's gone back to his home country for xmas.-He texts me randomly, I ignore, then christmas eve, I get a text saying, oh well sad your not mature enough to reply, miss you x.-Next day, he talks to my friend on fb, asking her if I have gotten with anyone else, she says no which is now a lie, as after I heard he got with this girl, I persuded my guy friend, the one who he thought I kissed at that party, when I didnt actually kiss the guy at the time, only after. - He gets back from his holiday, calls me, asking for his stuff back, I threw his stuff out when I heard about him and the girl, I said he could have collected it sooner, then we talk about whats happened, he denies hes kissed anyone else, which is a lie, and he asks me if I miss him and still have feelings, he says at one point he thought it would be different when he got back but I stick to my guns and say well i'm moving on. I burst into tears after getting off the phone, and at one point in the phone call he did seem like he was almost about to cry. He whimpered. -I'm out with friends, and he knows i'm there via friends. He trys to get into the club but can't. Next day I get a text saying 'I heard you had fun last night ;)', i ignore.-I see him for the first time since we broke up in feb 2011, at a mutual friends bday party, we dont speak, until his friend pushes some guy whos near me, I tell his friend to stop as the other guy wasnt doing anything, then my ex approcahes me, and leans over me and says how he wont get with anyone infront of me, if I don't infront of him. And how hes so happy to see how happy I am now, and how different I am. I laugh, my gf's rescue me and take me away from him.-He keeps asking for money for his clothes, but I make it clear I wont be giving him money, (hes rich, so why does he need the money so much? He says his mum is asking for it). -I see him 3 times in a week, during the easter holidays, he looks at me I can tell he does, and my friends say he is. We don't speak at all. On the first occasion I dance with other guys infront of him, he leaves early (maybe to see another girl, I dont no). Then on the last occasion I see him, I get emotional as I was surprised he came as none of his good friends were there, and the party was run by my old ex who my ex hated, so I get emotional that hes even there, I think he knows this, and he leaves. (its like he came to see me? Or am I just thinking that)-I get invited to a party but dont bother to go, and he hardly knows the guy who invited me, yet apparently my ex turned up at the party with a friend, is he trying to see me? -Since this time, there has been no contact, I'm sure I have missed out some stuff. I havent showed him anything since we broke up, I haven't tried to speak to him or showed much at all. So he may think I'm over him, I still think about him every day, and even though I have gotten with other guys and I don't cry about it anymore, I still think about him, especially when I'm alone. I wonder, if he is over me or if its all a big show? He said I was a different person, when he's completely changed, he's become a sleaze and goes clubbing all the time. He's a stranger to me now. Now I wonder if this is him being over me and moving on. Or if he does still love and care for me, yet feels like he has no option but to try move on? He's living a superficial life (seems happy) but I no deep down he isn't. After being with him for 3 years I know deep down he's highly insecure and unhappy with himself as he once told he he wished he could be someone else (he has a very messed up family life, mother remarried with a young daughter and same with father (father cheated on mother)). I feel like I'm morning the loss of someone, he's dead to me, yet I still wonder if he ever thinks of me, like I think of him. What do you think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, KeighleySky +, writes (14 May 2011):
 it sounds to me like hes not the guy you fell in love with. People change when they are growing up, i'd say yeah he thinks about you and maybe regrets what he did but he has made no attempt t o make it up to you. you are doing great and it is fine to think about him, hes your ex and you went out for a long time. I still think about my ex from time to time even though im in a new relationship, i think of the things i regret most and the things i enjoyed the most. your just reminisicing over the past.He has changed honey, and i can understand how hard things like this can be, but he has chosen his path so let him take it. You have chosen yours and so you should continue with what your doing. concentrate on yourself a break up is never easy. I hope ive helped honey :)
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