A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I wonder what everyone's opinion is regarding their signifigant other's email? Reading the questions here, too often I see questions asked prefaced by the person saying they read their SO's emails (or messages on myspace or facebook). Am I that out of the loop? Does everyone do this? I want to know about my SO's past and her thoughts too, but even when I had the opportunity to read her emails, I refused to do it. It would be a breach of trust I'd never be able to forgive myself for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): My wife and I have open access to each others emails and have since email became available. We read them, just as she reads many of my posts on this and other boards. We have not had any secrets since we started to live together and then got married. When we were just dating we didn't share everything, but once we made the commitment to live together we stopped keeping secrets. Actually, we didn't keep many secrets when we were dating either.
On the matter of trust, we don't read what the other says because of trust issues. We have open access because we do trust each other. If I were to ever have an affair, I would probably ask her first if she would let me. And no, I've never done that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your opinions, ladies and gents, particularly to Danielepew (I'm with you on trust). I should say that I was asking this question in GENERAL, NOT because of something in my relationship.
I am not suspecting my GF of anything. We have a good relationship and we communicate well. I was just curious of what others thought.
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A
female
reader, st-st-stuttastunna! +, writes (18 July 2009):
 Uhhhmm;;
Idk, that kinda a tough question,
Although id say if I had his myspace password I might check his sent comments or messages or something.
And im just being honest cause sometimes I feel like I can't trust him cause he was cheating and two of his previous gfs with me,
But at the same time I wouldn't cause I trust that he won't cheat.
Or anything like that.
And he knows my password too so he could check mine anytime he wants.
Idk he wouldn't hav a problem with me checking his tho he doesn't care.
But if he did I would.
Its different for every couple.
:P
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 July 2009):
 My woman would have her own address, and I would have mine. Her business is her business, my business is mine. Yes, this opens the door to secrets, but then, if I can't trust her, I don't want her. So I am with you.
Why do you want to read her e-mail? Has she given you any signs of being unfaithful or hiding stuff from you? If she does, most probably you could tell by her every day behavior anyways.
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A
male
reader, DLover  +, writes (18 July 2009):
if I had a gf that invasive, I'd consider it an hostile violation of my privacy, even though I do not do anything wrong with my e-mail and I'm not the biggest fan of facebook neither. Also, I'm good with computers, I'd find it soon or later that my last connection was "20 mins ago"...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 July 2009):
 I don't. But I have. He left is email open (by mistake) and I found things I wish I had never seen. It has been a long long journey.
I don't recomend snooping, unless you feel something is going on that shouldn't and even that it's kinda wrong.
My husband have my password and can go look whenever he wants, I have nothing to hide. Though I doubt he checks my email.
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A
female
reader, redemption +, writes (17 July 2009):
I do not feel as if my SO is hiding anything from me. So I have no reason to snoop like that. It would be different if you suspected something going on. I found out my now ex was on a website looking for some action on the side because I snooped. But... I had reason to be concerned.
If you're not concerned, the best thing to do is talk to her, ask her about her past, but be willing to share yours aswell.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): Yes, I do this. And it's okay and it works for us. My fiancee and I share the same home, so we share the same computer. Therefore, we decided a long time ago, we would have an open door policy on the computer use, the emails. etc. There is nothing that is 'password' protected from each other. As far as emails go, he and I share the same email account. All emails that come to our ONE email account are addressed toboth he and I. He is welcome to read my emails and I am welcome to read his. This type of sharing, has retained and added to the foundation of trust between us...rather than 'tearing it down'. If you have nothing to hide and want to build solidarity in a good relationship...I'd personally recommend it. Works well for me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): Most people that do that do that here, have trouble in their relationships where their SO is acting strangely, like distant or protective of such things like their cell phone. They think their SO is cheating on them. While it is a breach of trust, that action isn't without reason.
You are out of the loop because you want to know about her past and her thoughts. A much suitable approach would be to simply ask her about it.
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