A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:does depression make people fall out of love?my bf(ex) used to love me he couldnt explain it but he just did. Then he got lost in life and got depressed, next thing I know he wants to be friends. He wants to be alone and have no girls in his life. So why is he still my friend? why does he still talk to me, not as much as before as he is obsessed with actually gettin his work done as he is very behind on paper work but he's still there everyday.Did he break up with me to protect me as he was rather nasty to me in the relationship on his down days with depression. Im not sure why he did what he did because Im absolutely devastasted and more than a week has went by already. I want him back in all honesty but do you think he has lost the love for me or is just trying to get his life back on track before im part of it again? i just dont know, it has my head all mushed.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): Being depressed makes you feel all worn out and unsociable. For god sakes make sure you/he are getting the help depressed people so desperately need
A
female
reader, DenimandLace44  +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Very well said. Depression makes it too hard to maintain relationships. You just don't have the energy to cope with it. You don't want to be around people. I don't think it's personal. I hope he is getting help of some kind.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (15 April 2011):
 There are a couple reasons that may have lead to this breakup. some of it may have been guilt as you said. I've had bouts of depression, and you don't really want anyone to see your state, in a way, you feel like a failure because everyone else is coping with life just fine, so you don't want to be the one that can't deal. I pushed some people away when they were concerned for me, I think because I just stopped caring what would happen to me and would get angry when anyone would care, if that makes sense. you may say that there should be an exception for loved ones, or that you're already aware of his state so it should be easier for him, but that's not necessarily true, sometimes that makes it harder. A common symptom of depression is withdrawral from people I think to some degree because of this perception, but also, depression makes it hard to relate to people, you even feel far away from yourself sometimes, and are just consumed with an emptiness or pain. When that pain becomes pervasive, it's hard to see what to do to alleviate those feelings. Again, rejecting things (or people) around you that used to be connected to you is part of that. Everything takes so much energy to try to get yourself up to zero that it's easier to just let things go than to keep them up. That he isn't at the point where decisionmaking is impossible I suppose is a good sign though, I was on that border for a bit.
He really needs to work on himself right now. If he isn't in counseling/ on meds, suggest it. I don't think you're doing this but just as a warning, it's not fair to him to try to pressure for you two to get back together, this time needs to be about him. I know you're worried about him, and I don't think it's wrong to respond when he reaches out, but I would be cautious about becoming the initiator. Just be supportive for now as any friend would be.
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