A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a 42 year old single man. One of my best friends is a 33 year old single woman. We have never been romantic in any way but recently my friend told me in a joking way that she would give me oral sex if I took care of some things around her house for her. I laughed it off and told her I would do those things for her anyway and she didn't have to do that for me.That's when she said that it would kind of turn her on if she did it. I was in a stunned silence when she followed up by saying that she knows I haven't had sex in a long time and she hasn't either but she'd like to. I told her I was really flattered but that we were just friends and I don't have romantic feelings for her. She said that we could still be friends and I told her "Yes, we could." I changed the topic to something else but since then I have been wondering if that's true. Can we sleep together and still be friends? I am sort of warming up to the idea of taking her as a lover. However, my biggest concern is that I don't want to lead her on. She has had a lot of pain in her life recently and I don't wish to add to it. Will she eventually want more from the relationship or can we remain good friends who sometimes sleep together? Does that sort of thing ever work out?
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (15 February 2016):
I think it only works out if both of you aren't really attracted to each other, but only attracted to the idea of helping each other out with sex. Once the spark is really there, one (or both) of you is gonna get feelings and that's when this fun FWB thing suddenly stops being a game.
Like other people have said, you will need a strict set of boundaries to prevent any of you from getting hurt. That means sitting down and talking to each other about what you want, what you expect and what's crossing the line. And then see how much you both line up. And you also need a plan when someone's feelings change. Because it does happen.
Personally, if you value her friendship, I wouldn't do it.
Go to a hooker to get the edge off or pick someone up in a bar, but don't endanger a long standing friendship because you both haven't had sex in a while.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (14 February 2016):
If you're a man, it typically works out until it doesnt work out for the woman any more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2016): Hi and how's everyone? I just have to answer this question as I've had a "friends with benefits" relationship with a guy who's become my best friend for nearly 8 years having been friends for 9 and a half years. We can't believe the years keep adding up. It can be done but only with a set of boundaries in place which we pay strict attention toI'm also quite mature about it. We each have other people in our lives from time to time but talk to each other every day and are together whenever possible; he's currently in another state for work purposes and resides with another female in his life. We actually think the world of each other and say so every day. I don't want him as a mate, nor does he want me. Sometimes we mention that perhaps we might think about being together in the future; however, I don't think its in the cards for us. We are best friends and lovers and like our relationship that way. We know others have undoubtedly guessed what our relationship is altho' we're discreet. It can work, but tread with caution because if done incorrectly, it could ruin a lovely friendship. Best of luck and happy loving.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 February 2016):
 It usually starts out okay, nobody wants a relationship they just want to have some fun. Then comes the feelings. Some can have sex just purely to have fun, but a lot of people can't. Sex is a closeness and to most people it is only natural to develop feelings for the person they are closest to. If you both agree that it is only sex then thats okay, but I generally always see one person getting hurt. If she has had a hard time and is sensitive or vulnerable I would be giving it a miss.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2016): Women rearly want just sex. Especially with freinds. If you value your friendship, keep your private parts out of it. Maybe she thinks it could be fun NOW, but teher are no guarantees that she won't change her opinion. An dthen you'll find yourself without a friend.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (10 February 2016):
 Yes and no, depends on the two concerned. i think the key is being up front and honest about the boundaries and no questions asked policy when one or both want out? A favour here, sleep over there can quickly have one confused that they some how are dating.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (10 February 2016):
 Personally, I think it suddenly changes the game when "friends" become friends with benefits.
Let's play this out, you do her a favor (or not) and she provides sex for you.
If all you are looking for is sex, then great... mission accomplished.
However, let's say a week or two you come by again. How are you going to feel? Will you see her as an individual or will you see her as a potential sex partner? Will you be expecting it every time you visit?
And what will happen to your friendship should one of find a romantic partner? What will become of your friendship if you get a girlfriend, or she a boyfriend? Also, do you think she would eventually feel sort of used for providing sex for your services? She may find it kinky now, but maybe a week later?
I think you have to ask yourself what are you looking for and what are you willing to risk? If you can do this without jealousy or emotional attachment and you are willing to cut ties with this woman if things go south and you simply want sex, then by all means go for it. But there is no way for anyone to answer what will become of this arrangement.
But ultimately, you need to ask yourself: what are you hoping for? and more importantly, what do you want?
Eddie
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 February 2016):
 If her pain was caused by a bad relationship or she is generally a sensitive person, then it will probably not work out. Back in her head she could sense that you are not really boyfriend material but her ego couldn't take it if you treat her in a standoffish way. Or she assumes you are sleeping with someone else, then later you got a girlfriend. A lot of mind tricks here. She feels she's good enough to fuck but not good enough to date.
I've seen FWBs work. They are for those who are truly attachment avoidant. No judgment and nothing wrong with being like that. They get sick of togetherness. They are the adventure types and like the feeling of not knowing what they are going to do next. They like trying ethnic cuisines, dangerous sports, and they can find a million more things more interesting than talking about love and emotions.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2016): Yes you can, I've been having a fwb,s for about five years, an when I get a broken heart, she's my doctor, some one I can talk to, an I help her out around her house, the bj, are great
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