A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts and Uncles. I've posted on her before and got some really helpful advice so I'm back for more!I split up with my partner about 6 months ago (after 7 years together). He walked out after us having many problems and I was upset and in the meantime he had a terrible argument with my daughter (she is 18). My other daughter, who is 21, was annoyed with him but they get on a bit better.Whilst I was with my partner he was going through a very bitter divorce, which became final about halfway through our relationship. I think he had a bit of a breakdown which may acocunt for some of his behaviour.Anyhow we have kept in touch and we agreed to meet up for a drink to talk things over. We still care for each other but he thought there could be no reunion because all of my friends knew about the argument and knew that he was acting a bit strange so he feels awkward now.He has a 21 year old son and his son is going to spend Christmas with his mum, the ex wife of my partner and his son asked his mum if my ex partner could go along there for Christmas dinner rather than be alone. My ex has accepted the invite (my older daughter invited him here but he said 'i'd love to but i dont think your sister would like that'). Is it a bit strange that his ex wife has invited him for Christmas lunch? She has had a boyfriend of her own for the last few years and apparently he will not be there - I am not sure if they have split up or she is meeting him later in the evening, or he will be with his kids .. I just thought it odd that after such a bitter divorce and them having no contact at all for over a year that she should suddenly agree to invite him for christmas lunch. When we spoke about it he said to me 'well it's a lunch, a cooked meal for me on Christmas'. He can cook himself but he would have otherwise been alone on Christmas day. His son will be with him on boxing day. I can feel old jealousy flaring up and i don't want to ruin the chance of a reunion over this. I told him that the offer to come for xmas is still open if he wants. The other question I wanted to ask is whether it would be a good idea or not for him to spend Christmas with us anyhow? given that he and my younger daughter fell out and he and I are only just meeting up for the first time in months?Does anyone think it is odd him going to his ex wife for Christmas day (they apparently hate each other!) or am I being jealous and unreasonable. Any ideas would be welcomed. Thanks.
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a break, christmas, divorce, ex-wife, his ex, jealous, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (10 December 2009):
 I guess it depends on the individual circumstances but my parents seperated when I was 11, saw other people, and yet sometimes (not every year) chose to spend X mas day together for us children. It was really nice when they did too. And neither of their partners took exception to it!
Now, having earlier this year seperated from my own partner of 18 years, (my choice) I too am looking forward to spending Xmas together with our son at his parents house and quite chuffed not only that I was still invited by them, (his bro and sis's exes got nothing but badmouthed and outed so I was not sure how they felt about me)but also pleased my own parents sent him a christmas card from interstate. I would have been offened if they suddenly disrespected him considering he has not done anything to them as individuals!
There is really nothing in it tho, we are best friends (who just cant live together), we love our son, and our respective in laws still treat us with the same respect we maintain for each other. My ex is still single so I can't comment on that front, ...but i know my new man is very understanding and accepting of why I would spend christmas with the father of my child and his family.
It's all cool, he trusts me, and knows if I wanted to be back with my ex, that is exactly where I would be. In other words - he is not insecure.
Come to think of it, my recently deceased father (god love him) frequently attended family events with his parter of 20 years where her ex husband was present, or alternatively, did not mind knowing she was 'at something' without him whilst the ex was there.
I guess trust, faith, self esteem, and security rule responses at the end of the day. If you need to question this, what else do you need to look at the other 364 days of the year?
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