A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Does anyone here have any experience dating law enforcement officers? I have met and become attracted to one, but my female friends tell me to stay away. They say all cops are "problem dates" no matter how wonderful as individuals. They say it's just a matter of the mindset of a cop. I tend to dislike generalizations, but am wondering if there is any truth to this one. I like this man a lot and in fact was very impressed by his job, but would like to know if I'm heading for something out of the ordinary. If anyone can offer advice, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): I was dating a sheriff for five months. I was madley in love with him. Everything was wonderful. Most people warned me as they are you. I didn't listen. He seemed normal as most men are. Until I told him I loved him. Then things got strange. He pulled away, and just dissapeared. I have never heard from him again. I thought he was "the one". He introduced me to his family, gave me a key to his house, talked of marriage. I was warned by everyone! Just be careful. I was heartbroken. But now looking back, there were signs. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): I was searching the web with the same question when I came across yours. I am a 51 yr. old white female, dating a 55 year old black Sheriff for 8 months who's been in law enforcement 32 years.
As soon as you say I'm dating a cop, everyone says, "ooh, they're all controlling..." We always think, my man is different. After 8 months, these are my observations:
They do put their women on a pedestal.
They are very protective of their women.
They are very verbally affirming most of the time.
They provide for and take care of their women.
They keep very close tabs on their women.
They seem to like to keep their women in a highly confining box.
They will say they want to help fulfill your dreams and aspirations but they mean as long as it's within their close scope; eg; using your talents to help their endeavor.
They like rules.
They are very possessive.
It's their way or the highway.
They know how to turn any situation into "it's your fault."
They don't like you to talk to other men for any length of time.
They want you to be available to them 365 days of the year;
in other words, demanding.
When they shut down, they REALLY shut down.
When you do something wrong in their eyes, they never let you forget it; major guilt trips
These are just observations from the past 8 months. I hope they have been helpful in giving you more insight into the law enforcement mentality. I would love to hear from women who have married law enforcement men and how they've dealt successfully with the above traits.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Hi,
I would hate to think someone turns a date down purely because the man is a police officer. The poor buggers would never get a date if this was the case.
But I've always found the girls I have worked with who date Cops are of a type. They are women who are first attracted to the authority figure the cops stands for, and secondly they are prepared to join the club.
There are always exceptions but when you date/marry a cop you join the cop club. In my area they are the crowd who congregate at the local park with wives,kids and other cops all mingling with other cops wives kids etc...they are easy to pick out because all the men have moustaches ( what is it with cops and outdated fashion sense, is it a job requirement or do they really want to look like they are cruising in Castro?:-)
so it is something to think about, but if he is a nice bloke then why the heck not?
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A
male
reader, JTalbott +, writes (9 June 2008):
 A good understanding about you desire in a man and getting to know him as a person is more important than generalizing about the characteristics of police officers. That being said, the psychological profile of good police officer shares traits with those of the criminals they are pursing.
Society needs officers who are aggressive in taking action and tenacious in pursuit. Timid and complacent officers may fail to stop a dangerous person from taking actions that cause can harm to themselves and society.
The bad news is that is some cases, what makes for a good officer causes challenges in a relationship. Whether that will be the case in your relationship is beyond the scope of this agony aunt.
Some women desire a more self confident/aggressive male in their life and find that a law enforcement officers make for an excellent fit while others are initially attracted to being ‘possessed’ by a strong male figure but later grow to resent it.
Love is a decision no matter who you date. Accepting your partner as they are is often the first step towards relationship happiness.
I wish you the best in your quest.
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (9 June 2008):
 I you are impressed by his job then you may have a similar mindset to him anyway. You have to give the relationship a chance and if it doesnt work then its no different in my opinion if he's a cop, a roadsweeper or whatever, it will either work or it wont. Tell your friends you are big enought to make your own mind up.
Maybe its different in US, Im in UK and one of my friends is married to a policeman and he's a lovely bloke and no different to husbands of my other friends x Take a chance
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