A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i've got a bit of a problem and would appreciate some good advice. i've used this site a few times in the past and had some really great responses.my girlfriend is bipolar. she was just diagnosed and is currently taking meds to stablize her mood, but it's a work in progress. the beginning of our relationship was extremely up and down. she hadn't yet been diagnosed with anything and was not taking any meds. and i had never experienced ups and downs in a relationship like that before. but we had such a strong connection that i wanted to stay with her. she was later diagnosed with major depression rather than bipolar disorder, and was placed on zoloft. it helped stablize her some, but she still had ups and downs. here lately it's gotten worse than usual. one day she will be in the best, most playful mood imaginable. in which case we are awesome together. the sex is phenomenol and we couldn't be more in love. the next day or the next week, just depending, she will be so depressed she won't want to leave the house. she'll just cry and she snaps on me constantly. when i try to help cheer her up, she just gets annoyed or aggravated. she's talked about suicide on a handful of occasions and it really, really upsets me. basically, our relationship is very unstable. and it's so hard sometimes.with all this being said, she's just now been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and is currently finding out what meds will work best for her. it may be a long road until she's finally in a good place, if ever. and i love her so much, that i want to be there through it all. but i can't lie. it's SO hard sometimes. the ups and downs are so emotionally upsetting and draining. and i know it's so hard on her. i hate she's dealing with this. but when she tells me to leave her alone and just cries all day or just snaps at me about everything i do, or talks about suicide, i can't help but get extremely upset. i'm only human. has anyone ever experienced anything like this before? does anyone have any advice about how to deal with this? thanks in advance.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (11 June 2013):
Dear OP,
I was depressive myself for years and been with someone who suffered from depression as well. Also I've got a good friend who's bipolar, so maybe I can help a bit. I understand it's very (!) tough to be with someone who's depressed, it's like all energy getting sucked out of you sometimes.. so, reading about your situation, these is my advice from over the year.
1) Make your gf go see a counsellor in addition to the meds. Because she needs to learn how to deal with this condition and the meds are only one part of a good therapy. Also, keep in mind that there are good and bad counsellors, and that she might take the time to find the best.
2) When your gf is in a good or neutral mood, talk about how you both want to handle her depressed phases. What helps her? Does she want to be alone, or does she secretly wish for a hug? Does she need distraction or would she like to talk about her thoughts with you? How can she address her needs without being hurtful towards you? Make it clear that you don't want to deal with the snappiness. She is very ill, but still, she also needs to take your feelings into account.
3) Don't sacrifice everything for her. Also see your friends, pursue your hobbies, take some "me"-time. Otherwise, you might get angry at her in the end. So, it's better to pace yourself and also enjoy your life.
4) When your gf is in a better phase, talk about how to handle the suicidal thoughts. Has she ever tried to kill herself before? If yes, what are the signs it's getting really dangerous? Or is she just talking and thinking about suicide, but with no concrete plans? Have her promise she won't do it and seek out the suicidal helpline number in case of emergency. Also, again, a counsellor would be good. It's too much to ask from you to be the only person to support her.
5) Engage her friends and family to help her as well. It would be good that someone can take care when you need a break. Because you deserve to take breaks from this.
6) Don't feel guilty if you can't cheer her up. There will be times where she will just stay in bed and cry, no matter how hard you're trying to help. You're there for her, I am sure you're already a big support. It's really hard to accept, but sometimes you can't make a depressive person feel better.
7) If the meds are working well, insist she keeps taking them.
Best of luck to you.
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (11 June 2013):
 My husband is bipolar, which means he had the same sort of mood swings that you described. Now that he's been diagnosed and is taking his medication faithfully, it's much MUCH better.It's incredibly draining, and I totally sympathize with you. You can never tell what's going to set off a down mood or make them go into a rage. Try not to take it personally, remember, they can't help it, the only thing they can do is take their medication and try their best not to say or do anything that will hurt anyone.If she's still experiencing severe mood swings and thoughts of suicide, her medication is NOT working properly. She needs to see a doctor and have them adjust the dosage or give her something new to try. It'll take a few months for them to find the right combination of drugs that will balance her brain chemicals to more normal levels, but once she's found the right cocktail for her needs, she SHOULD be feeling much more centered without suicidal ideation anymore.She HAS to take her drugs seriously. Bipolar Disorder is NO JOKE, and if she's still experiencing a lot of problems then the medication(s) she's on right now are either not at the right amounts, or they're the wrong chemicals. You should see marked improvement once they find the right dose for her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): Not to this extent as she has already gone through meds but yes, very hard to be happy as it rubs off on you. It can seem like a training camp grind sometimes in those bad stretches. My experience didn't end well as it should never have started (reasons other than bipolar disorder), but I don't regret it. I had some of the happiest days of my life that made it worth it. How you got to measure this gamble in my opinion is how it is when she's happy, and if that happiness is great enough to battle through another snap for it again. If you love her enough to do that then go for it, why not give her a good chance to pull through. She is getting help now, the grinds should slowly get less demanding till it may not be much of a problem anymore. The girl in my life from when I met her till what I hear now, she has improved a lot with her day to day life and happiness. But this as you and me know is far easier said then done, sometimes you'll feel even more depressed than her wanting her just to smile.
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