A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so i've read on various sites then when someone breaks up with someone that they have had a significant relationship with they end up rebounding shortly after and "transfer" there feelings onto the new person. And that the feelings are real but they are subconciously directed towards there ex, but the person rebounding thinks that this new person is the reason for there feelings when they couldn't possibly feel that way about someone in such a short amount of time (but the rebounder doesnt realize there doing it)I think this is very similar to what my ex is doing he is trying to make his relationship with his rebound everything him and i were, they spend all there time together, he tells her everything he told me, he talks about how he wants to be together forever after only 2 months of dating her. So i think he is doing this "transfer" of feelings.My question is, do they ever realize that there feelings are really directed towards there ex and it has nothing to do with the current person?Im not trying to get my ex back, im living my life and staying single for a while as i think this is the best thing to do i had jumped into a relationship after and had quickly realized what i was doing it for and it was just to have someone and i ended.He however, i dont think even realizes what he is doing he denies that it is a rebound and says how serious he is about it, and i also read this is very common for them to do because the feelings are real that they think its because of this new person that they feel this way but it is really directed toward the wrong person.It said eventually they realize there current partner isnt the one they love, but im afraid for him, what if he just keeps jumping from relationship to relationship "trasnfering" these feelings only to never know where it is REALLY started from. So, does any one have any real insite on this topic of transfering feelings? Why do people do it, and does it eventually end when they realize there is no real love for this person or can they trick themselves forever? Thanks for the help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010): Falling for someone in rebound, has nothing to do with pretending the new partner is actually your previous partner. It is more along the lines that you react to your new partner out of instinct in the same way you would have with your old partner, it is a subconscious act and has nothing to do with pretending they are someone they are not.
You also skip the grieving process, which everyone needs to do when they loose a loved one, and this comes back to haunt you. In effect, you are delaying that process because you feel giddy over this new person. When the infatuation wears off however, the grief surfaces and you can't understand why you feel so shitty and end up blaming the new partner for not being what you expected.
I agree that you want your ex to still love you and go through life pining for you, but sorry, love ... that is not what rebounding is all about.
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