A
female
age
30-35,
*roudMommy
writes:i really need some advice. im 22 years old and i have two beautiful kids. my daughter is 3 soon to be 4 and my son is just tuned 2. my kids have very diff. personalities. my daughter is very calm and very well behaved, she is amazing. my son in the other hand his the one i need son help with. i feel like im a bad parent. i dont what to do anymore. let me start by telling you i have 2 other boy nephews who are each 3 months apart. my son is the oldest. so let me get started on some of the things my son has done just this past month. so my kids and my nephews and my parents were in the pool. its about a 2 foot deep pool. my son grabbed my nephew from his hair and pushed his face under water. my son has a bad temper. if i get after him he will hit, bite, or start throwing whatever he can at me. and its not just to me it can be.to.his dad his grandma his aunt anyone. i get after him, i have even.tried spanking him. please dont.judge me for that. i know so many people are againt that. i belive every child is diff and must be parented diff. i never.had to spank my daughter if i tell her once something is wrong she.will never.do it again. my son climbs.on the counters, the tables, gates, fences. he can open every door even if locked. i have to be chasing because he loves running into the streets. even though he.has to get past a locked door, and two diff gates to get to the street. he loves to beat up on my nephews. today my son pushed my little nephew off the bed and he landed face first. A mattress was on the floor though. He's not just mean to the kids his also mean with his grandmas puppy. we caught him slaming the puppy againt a brick wall over and over again. every chance he gets to hurt the other babies he will, he will push them, bite them, pinch them, trip them, and.scrach them. i dont now if this is something he will out grown, like a phase his going through. his father has a bad temper too and so does his grandpa from his dads side. his grandfather is currently serving a 30 year sentece for stabbing his wife to death. my x was also violent. this is why i dont know if my son has the same temper. i love my son. i dont want him to turn up like his father and his grandfather. if anyone has any ideas on something that will help pls dont hesitate to comment
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 July 2016):
 Your son needs discipline, I am not going to judge you for spanking him, but it is not the way forward, at two he is learning from what he sees in the world, so you hit him, he thinks okay well that is acceptable. He is still a toddler and has a lot of learning to do. Now he needs to be supervised closely at all times when he is with children. I think you should have a thinking corner for him. Put a small chair in the corner of a quiet room, when he misbehaves or does something negative, tell him calmly why you are putting him on the thinking chair. So for example say he throws his grandmother puppy, you put him on the chair and you say to him calmly I am putting you on this chair because you threw the puppy and that could hurt the puppy and that is not an okay thing to do. Explain to him because he is two he will need to sit there for two minutes to think about what he has done. Now this is a testing method believe me, I have worked with many troubled children, he may throw a tantrum kick and throw things, but you just need to keep lifting him and putting him back on his chair until he has sat on it for two minutes, if he talks to you ignore him, don't give him eye contact or any attention just ignore him, he is smart so he will eventually learn that once he is quiet he will be allowed up, when he has sat for the two minutes ask him why he was put there to ensure he understands and ask him to say sorry to the puppy, if he refuses it is two more minutes. If he says sorry reassure him with positive feedback. Please don't ever compare two children as all children are the same. Your little boy just has a very strong personality but it does not mean he will always be like that you just need to discipline him more and also praise him more when he is doing good things. At his age children like to climb and escape, ensure all locks are high and rooms are baby proof. If you need anyone to talk to private mail me I have lots of experience with children at preschool age.
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female
reader, suzzzque269 +, writes (18 July 2016):
 to me it sounds like your son might have o.d.d.-oppositional difiancy disorder. its quite common nowadays and it does take a strongwilled person to get it under control but it can be done! my son has it and omg when he was younger he was VERY hard to deal with. but i educated myself, found other families dealing with this and worked with him and now things are under control for the most part.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/oppositional-defiant-disorder/basics/symptoms/con-20024559
that is just one of many sites you can look at to learn about o.d.d. i found some great groups on facebook where people from all over the world can share stories, vent and/or get advice.
i hope this helps...feel free to message me if you need to.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (18 July 2016):
 I am sure you love your children very much. But your son is in real need of help (not directly for a 2 year old) but for you to help you deal with the aftermath of his behaviour. counselling. This needs to be addressed and I hope that you can interest a Doctor in helping you so that you can help your son. Because I think your son is going to need this level of support.Depending on the severity of the problem.Yes many two year olds lack some social graces, Many have tantrums and many "lose it" when things are not going their way.However do not be swayed by fake tears designed to manipulate your reactions. Try not to attribute blame to you. You have one child who does not act up and one child who does act up. He is still a little boy, but once he reaches 12 or 15 or 18 what are you going to do if he is still acting up and getting worse? His behaviour needs to be addressed so it can be improved.Your son is intelligent. He has worked out how to get outside despite locks and barriers. IQ is a good thing. But his EQ (his emotional intelligence) is the problem. Because his social behaviour towards others is worrying.Sure he is a two year old and two year olds are prone to tantrums when tired and irritable. But you describe sustained anti-social behaviour. That needs to be addressed with a professional via you, so that you are better supported to help your son.Has your son been disturbed more than you realize by violent actions of your former partner? Could it be that he thinks violence is the way to behave? He needs empathic support, via you, to help him learn that violent behaviour is not the way to behave. Also try not to yell or scream nor "lose it". Because that is a form of verbal violence and teaches your child that such verbal violence is acceptable, when it is not. I know that you think spanking him will help. But what is that teaching your son? That physical hitting is a way to solve things? Physical hitting is physical violence and being physically violent to another human being is harmful to the recipient and the aggressor.It sends the wrong message to a child about how to resolve things. Think about things your son really enjoys or likes. Then reward him with one of these actions if he does well.Rewards are not always physical or material things. A reward can be a Gold or silver star on a board and some enthusiastic praise. Rewards for good actions should be immediate. So that the child associates attention from Mom with good actions and feels like a winner at the time the child is so rewarded.And explain the consequences if he does not do something he is required to do. Consequences can be that is he does X then he cannot have a story read to him that evening as that is the consequence you told him would occur if he did X. Follow through with this consequence.This way he associates a positive action with doing the right thing and a negative consequence if he ignores you and does X.Never just threaten to impose that consequence.DO impose that consequence when he does X and feel no guilt about it. Do not laugh when he behaves badly.Do not label him verbally as a "bad boy" when he acts badly.He is your son and you love your son. You just do not like some of his behaviour. Do not apologise for imposing that consequence.You are the one who sets the boundaries.You are the one who decides if the action his has done is unacceptable.You decide and implement the consequence if he does XAnd You are the one who follows through with the debriefing after he has endured the consequence. (a discussion with why he needed to have a consequence as action X is unacceptable.Your son seeks to harm others, especially those younger than himself. But has he also ever try to harm himself? by scratching or biting himself? If yes then a psychiatrist may be able to unravel why. It might suggest that he is unhappy AND unwell.That he behaved cruelly and appallingly with the grandmother's puppy would be reason enough for me, if a son behaved this way, to ask for an immediate referral to a specialist in the behaviour of a disturbed child. Right now it is a puppy. One day it could be you who he chooses to abuse. This sort of behaviour needs looking at asap. Do make sure that your home does not have any matches or cigarette lighters laying around, nor easily findable guns or knives that he can access. He may be young now, but these things in the hands of an enraged child will not help. I would expect tantrums from a two year old. But not an all-day saga of one long prolonged tantrum that continues all day. That is too much. It will also drain you of any energy. It is debilitating for everyone who has to endure continual sustained noisy disruptive temper tantrums. It is also frightening for the child. They do not have the social skills to work through the problem and they do not know how to stop either. So they go on the offensive. When a child acts up and hurts another child you need to use an assertive voice and take immediate action.. Not just calling out " .... stop that" and then no action.Instead you go straight to the child, take them to one side and calmly and quietly explain what was unacceptable and why. Use a calm quiet voice. Do not threaten or suggest that punishment will occur when you get home. Instead hold on to your child and you come down to their level too. Look them in the eye and tell them what they did that disappointed you and why it disappointed you. All in a quiet calm voice.Keep it very simple as your child is only 2.Then explain the consequences of such unacceptable behaviour and implement the consequences immediately. Such as explaining that your child will need to remain with your and will not be allowed to play with the other children until another one minute or two (which is a lifetime for a 2 year old.) If re-joining the other children is not possible then once the time is up continue to spend some time with your child to calm the situation. Maybe a short walk and talk together. Maybe some quiet time looking at the birds or the clouds. Anything to calm things down.If your child then returns to playing and Again acts up then it may be that your child will need to receive the same talk as above again, but will then need to remain with you instead of playing with other children, on that day, prior to going home after such an outing.Do you use the television as a baby sitter? If yes then turn the TV off and send the TV to a relative's home for safekeeping. If you do not have the time to sit and watch the TV with him and interact with him while the TV is on then best not to leave him in the "care" of a tv program. Drawing on big pieces of paper, or blowing up balloons or water games in the sink will build the relationship between you and him and give him the attention he craves. Better that you take him for a walk. Use a child restraint if you think that will help, when out walking in the park, so that he cannot run off in any direction.Baby restraints - http://babyhintsandtips.com/child-restraints-yes-or-no/His anti-social behaviour is really disturbing. Hoping things will just right themselves is not going to fix anything.Hoping that he will want to change his ways is even less likely.Once he enters school his anti social behaviour will likely result in him being ostracised and avoided by other children and will get him into trouble with the teachers as well.Your son needs help now.You can do much to calm the situation down.But do not think you alone cannot provide all the support he needs. Getting some professional counselling for your child may be a lifesaver for your son and help your son to better understand what is expected of him.Hope this helps?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 July 2016):
 While I do think some things are genetic, I don't think having a temper is necessarily genetic.
I think your best option is to start keeping a journal. That means OBSERVING him 24/7 (when you and he are not sleeping or when he is with others).
You say he grabbed his cousins and pushed the boys head under water.. IT SHOULD never have escalated that far. YOU NEED to nip things in the bud before they get really started.
He is 2. You say a two year old can get through several locks to get out into the street? Well, then you NEED to consider adding another lock up high that a 2 year old CAN NOT get into, and actually LOCK that one too.
I think this has more to do with attention seeking than "temper". At age two, HE doesn't CARE whether it's negative or positive attention he is getting, AS LONG as he gets it.
I'm not going to harp on you for the spanking. I haven't spanked my kids, because I believe HITTING a child is showing them that HITTING is OK. Kind of hard to get the "don't hurt others" message through while you are hitting their bottoms, don't you agree? Just saying, not judging. I was spanked as a kid and I did what I wanted to do, I just got MUCH sneakier. Kids are WAY smarter than adults often give them credit for.
In your son's case? HE needs to be SUPERVISED constantly, and CORRECTED as soon as he does unacceptable things. You get down to his eye level, hold both his hands in yours and tell him in a calm voice, hitting is not OK and if you keep hitting/beating up your cousin you CAN NOT play with him. I would use time-outs over spanking. (and this is not me being anti spanking, but LOGICALLY time out will be more effective than hitting him).
Personally, I think many 2 year old hit without malice behind it. Some are biters, some are hitters. I think it's normal, but... it's also THE time to correct the hitter and biters. And you do that with REDIRECTION. CONSTANT redirection. Which again means... YOU need to supervise WAY more closely than you are now. If someone ELSE is watching him, THEY need to as well.
Siblings are VERY different. No doubt about it. I have 3 daughters with 3 very distinct personalities.
Does your son watch tv? If so? What programs? He is 2, so again personally, I would limit tv watching.
And another thing, I we get him outside to run around ( in a safe environment, not the streets of course!) Get him to use some of all that energy. I would ALSO not let him be out near the street unless he is holding your hand or in the stroller. Age two might seem young to train him for understanding traffic but I don't think it is. While I am NOT a fan of harnesses and leashes for kids, it MIGHT be a solution. But I think the more you PRACTICE holding hands, him walking on the inside of the sidewalk or SITTING buckled in his stroller, the less of a game it will be for him to try and run out in the road. FOR him it's a game of attention.
I found this link for you:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-behavior/bothersome-behaviors/biting-and-hitting-16-ways-stop-it
He will NOT turn into his father because he has genetic material from the man. YOU are the person who can SHAPE him the most. POSITIVE reinforcement and energy will help, STRUCTURE and DISCIPLINE will help even more.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (18 July 2016):
 Firstly, children learn from us - if you hit, he will think hitting is okay. You need to keep your own temper in check or he will copy you.
Do *not* leave him unsupervised with children or animals.
Watch a whole lot of Supernanny episodes to see how she disciplines aggressive children.
Google your situation and see if there are support groups online and locally, but do not spank.
If all else fails, get a child therapist to see him, but bear in mind that this will take months (at least) to correct. Don't compare him to your daughter.
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