A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Does anyone have any good tips on getting back together with your ex? My ex broke up with me a couple of months ago. I know he broke up with me for his own reasons. He is really insecure, has a lot of debt, isn't confident in his job, etc. I want to give him the time and space he needs to sort out his life. But, I also want to be there for him and to work on us. I made some mistakes during the break-up process (fighting with him, pushing him to make a decision as he was waivering for a while, even trying to make him jealous) and that just made him see all of my faults and start pointing the finger at me and making it all my fault. I feel like now we're both hurt and angry and confused and I just want to get us back to being in love again. But, that's hard to do when he won't talk to me :( Any recommendations on how to right all of the wrongs???
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broke up, debt, insecure, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): Michelle Weiner has a book called Divorce busting that may offer some realistic suggestions. She is an experienced professional. G'luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): The other two posters have given you excellent advice.
I would only add that you must not count on getting him back EVEN IF you follow all their recommendations.
Do whatever it takes to make YOU happy and fulfilled and secure in your life as you go about your daily activities without him. You have some issues of your own to work on; and he clearly has a lot of problems he needs to deal with.
By doing everything you can to grapple with your issues, and taking care of yourself mentally, physically and spiritually you will become more fit to enter into another relationship eventually - whether its with him, someone else, or even being on your own for a time.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): I haven't tried to reach out to him in about 3 weeks now. Unfortunately, because we lived together we do still have some obligations - i.e. bills to pay. So, I've had to reach out to pay my share of the money, but I've kept it all strictly to business. Is that okay?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): YES. If you feel like you were in the wrong you need to work on yourself. First off you can't forcefully change his mind. You just can't. So STOP trying. But you CAN make him and anybody for that matter, want you back, in other ways.(I've been there and it ALWAYS works). First off, you are not respecting him or yourself. He told you he DOESN'T want to be with you. Right? He doesn't WANT or NEED your support. So start off by RESPECTING his wishes. I know it's painful. But that is the most important way, to show him that you have changed and are more mature and that you love him! By RESPECTING him. Guys don't play games. So BELIEVE what he is telling you. So leave him alone and DON'T call him. And respect that choice that he made. Plain and simple. When he sees that you haven't called, he will feel more respected by you. If you REALLY love him, that is the BEST thing you can do to show him that you love him AND that you love yourself. And guys love girls who love themselves.
Second, and this ALWAYS works, work on yourself to make yourself more interesting. You would not be wasting so much of your time fighting with him and making him jealous and still calling him after he dumped you if you got yourself a life. Force yourself to have interests that don't revolve around him that you genuinely really enjoy. Maybe, exercise, take up a boxing class. Hang out with friends. Do things that make you happy that have nothing to do WITH HIM.
If he still loves you, and sees you are respecting his distance and are actually happy without him by your side (which, with or without him, should ALWAYS be the case), then he is going to want you back. GUARANTEED.
Cause if you keep insisting and calling him and trying to get him back after he made it clear that he doesn't want to, he is just going to end up hating you and you will NEVER get him back.
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A
female
reader, girl with a point of view  +, writes (13 August 2007):
dont!! if he wants to be with you hed talk to you there arnet any tips to getting back with an ex because thats why we call them ex... You may love him but youl hurt yourself if you keep the hope that things will get better if you still want to be with him wait for him or accidently (on purpose ) bump into him and just ask him for a quiet chat alone xx
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