A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've met this guy half year ago, I'm from the US and he's from Sweden. i was only on an educational site, and i was really into chatting with people who likes to talk about literature etc.. Until i came across this guy. We talked alot at first via texts and voice notes. We talked non stop. We exchanged numbers and since then, we kept calling for hours, and then we started to do video chat. I've never been so connected to anyone before. And im not into online dating at all, and i didn't believe in it, until we both started developing feelings for each others. He has been there for me through thick and thin, and i couldn't help myself not falling for him. As cheesy as it sounds, yes we have never met, but the connection is undeniable. We would sacrifice our time to talk, even if it took us to wake up in the middle of the night or at early morning to talk (because of the time zones) He confessed his feelings to me, and he said that he talked to his mom about me, but she wouldn't let him travel since she doesn't trust online people at all. I understand, and my mom said the same thing, and im not mad about it since mothers are protective, but he promised me to go to the US when he finish up with his university and save enough money to stay there for a while (which is after 2-3 years). We have never been in a sexual conversation, we just have pure love. Although i love him, but i refuse to "online date* because i need to know how he really is, the REAL him on REAL life. I know it might be only a short time that we have known each others, and some people will say that I'm being delusional about this guy (that's what my mom said), although i might have talked to hundreds of online people, some of them which wanted to meet on real life but creepily, or even to manipulate me into an online relationship, but i can feel that this guy has pure intentions. Does anyone think that he's worth the wait? Should i move on or is he just playing around? Does anyone have an experience with a successful meet up with online friends/lovers?
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (11 April 2018):
 I met my then-boyfriend online over 3 years ago. The only reason it worked as long as it did was because we lived in the same country, albeit still long distance. We saw each other every other week during his first year of uni, then every 3 weeks during the second, then every 4 - 5 weeks in his last year.
Whilst there were other factors in the break up, distance played a huge part. Some people make an LDR work, but it's rare for them to last long-term. Some move in, then realise they don't work in person when it's 24/7. Some marry to close the distance, then realise it wasn't the right decision. Most have to wait several months between visits because it's expensive. Others end up cheating, not always "premeditated", because they miss the physical connection a relationship brings (not just sexual).
LDRs have so many things against them, so it's unwise to go into one that is international or when you can't afford to visit every other month or more frequently. Also, when closing the distance, whoever is moving should move ALONE, just in case the relationship doesn't pan out. They have to be happy living in that area without the relationship, or be prepared to move away again.
I'm all for realistic LDRs, but not ones that are more like fantasies. You have to figure out what you consider this to be. Just do NOT compromise YOUR future or independence based on hope that a relationship will work out.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 April 2018):
 Sure, it's possible.
However, give your age (and I don't mean to offend) the likelihood that this would work out long term is... minimal, then add it's a LDR and there IS a cultural difference. (yes, you may think the Swedes are just like Americans... but you are wrong. I'm Danish and there is even a cultural difference between Danes and Swedes (and Norwegians).
So you basically have 3 strikes against you before anything has even happened.
2-3 years is a LONG wait to meet up in person. I'd say realistically if you two don't meet up in person and KEEP meeting up in person the likelihood for it to have a "happy ending" is closer to ZERO.
I met my husband while on vacation and we then corresponded and met up with each other for the 18 months before "getting together. We have been married little over 20 years... So people from different countries can make it work, LDR can work. BUT it takes about 10 times as much work than a relationship where you can see each other more often than every 3-4 months.
I get that it is EASY to get caught up in this fantasy - this pretend relationship (and yes it IS fantasy as you REALLY don't know who he is, just who he represent himself as - same goes for you.) It gives you all the "feel" good hormones getting all that attention and feeling admired and cared about. Which adds to the fantasy.
Does it mean you two can keep talking? Can't keep having this fantasy? No, of course you can... BUT what do you think will happen when either HE (or you) meet someone in person that just SWEEPS him/you of your feet? Who is "right there" and available? Who can take you to the movies, out to dinner, meet your friends, walk on the beach with you, hold you hair when you are sick... etc. etc.
2-3 years is a LONG time. And it might be too hard of a promise to keep.
And what if... He doesn't get into the uni in the US he was hoping for? Or gets a better offer in Germany or the UK?
Etc. etc.
Keep sex and nudity out of the picture if you keep talking. THAT is my main advice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2018): Okay screw these people giving you advice below me.I am an American and was 21 when I met a the love of my life from Finland. That man is now my husband.This is not to say that this will be the case for you but merely so you don't lose hope. It's true though - your feelings or his can change and that is just the way of life.However, if you want a successful relationship this him this is my advice.Have real and honest conversations about what it is you want out of this relationship and a life together. If it is indeed for the long haul, there are certain things you will HAVE to do.I learned these pieces of advice in a sociology class and it is literally what saved my international relationship. 1. Set small goals to see each other every so often. My hubby and I made sure to see each other every 4-6 months. First he visited me in March, I visited him in June, we went on holiday in the middle in October, then he stayed with me next spring for a few months after his studies.2. Someone will have to sacrifice. One of you will have to make the move somewhere. Maybe it is tentative, but there has to be an ultimate goal that you are working up to for the final 'transition' to being together more consistently. In my relationship, my hubby came to stay with me for a few months during my senior year in college. But that August, I moved to Finland and have been here ever since.3. Communication is key. But having humility is most important. Don't get caught up in misunderstandings or let moody moments snowball into bigger issues.Basically, have a plan and work towards that plan.Skype a lot. Maybe include your mom in conversations so that she can see it won't be so bad for him to visit.It can work!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (10 April 2018):
 Whether you're "delusional" or not is a matter of opinion. To YOU these feelings are very real and I strongly suspect that whatever advice you receive will not change them. Why would it?
You are at an age when emotions are VERY strong. As you get older, you will probably become more pragmatic and "sensible" about these things. I think you should enjoy your emotions and feelings for what they are. Keep in contact with this guy. Nobody can tell you whether this budding romance will blossom or fade and die. You will only find out by going with it. Just be sensible and stay safe.
All I would say to you is, you are at an age when emotions and feelings can change at the drop of a hat. Don't be surprised if, quite suddenly and unexpectedly, they change for one or both of you. However, until they do, I see no harm in staying in touch and enjoying your "connection". Whatever it is you have together is obviously special to you both. Do keep studying as well though, even if only so that, one day in the future, you can earn the money to get to meet this young man.
Wishing you and him all the best.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 April 2018):
 Sweetheart, you're very young and at this age when you meet someone, all of us... well at least most of us.. think we're in love and it's "pure love". You are innocent and have the best intentions and possibly the Swedish guy is also a good person. But your mom is absolutely right, you're being delusional. If you were my daughter, I would have told you the exact same thing. At your age and given the fact that you haven't even met, you know absolutely nothing about him. You're supposed to be studying now and looking at making a mark for yourself in life and not day-dreaming about exotic foreigners. Exciting, yes but impractical and it seems you're spending a lot of time and effort in him which could be spent much more productively.
Whether he's playing around with you or not is only for him to know and you should certainly not wait for him. At your age, you think the world is at your feet and only you understand true love. That you could teach others a thing or two about what it is to love someone unconditionally. I'm smiling as I write this because I was just like you and I'm sure most others are as well. But you know what, as you grow up, you're going to see a lot more in life. You're going to meet people, have relationships, have your heart broken and break a lot of hearts. Treasure this guy as a lovely memory. Don't waste any more of either your time or his because it's not going to amount to anything. I know you're thinking "how cynical!", but try to be realistic. No one is going to advise you to wait for him or go for it because as your mom said, you're delusional and romanticizing the whole thing beyond a normal limit.
Still, if it makes you happy then I'll just say that if it's meant to be then it will. Leave it here and see what happens. Study hard. Do what you're supposed to be doing. Studying and enjoying your life before you start a professional career and take on an adult life. The world is a small place and who knows, you might just meet him some day. But for now, don't wait for him because the time that's passing by won't wait for you. Use it wisely.
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