A
female
age
36-40,
daisylee
writes:This is a story about life, and why its too precious and limited to hav regrets and unexplored loves. I have a regret and the more time goes by, the more the regret eats away at my conscience. its long and probably not of big interest to u, but my story is my biggest fear, obsticle and torture existing in my life and i sick of love entirelly i feel like im fighting some war and i dnt know how to win this one, here goes............ x I met a boy (i'll call him stephen), he was this smart, funny, rger that life soul of a guy that i would take one look at and my knees would collapse under me. He existed in a complete class of his own, one which i couldnt possible compete with, so i had no intention of taking my feelings for him any further than in my own head. Time passed and to my amazment he liked me too and we arranged our first date. I got so exited about it, i couldnt stop smiling inside and out like no one or nothing could possibly get in the way of my happiness. But something did get in the way, my stupid damn character flaw! Its this thing i do when i panic that im not good enough and th symptoms include freezing up completly to the point where i cant even muster up a ten word sentence and running for the hills. He then thought that i didnt relly like him and we promptly ended our new found 'thing'.Another guy i knew (MARK) expressed an interest in me, and because i was so convinced that this was the best medicine i jumped in head first. See the thing with MARK was that because i didnt have those initial strong feelings for him, i never found it difficult to talk to him. I should have known then that that was clearly a sign to stop there. I then found out that his freind was infact......STEPHEN. I can still remember sitting for hours trying to decide what to do becuase i knew that i had to make a decision. I knew that the further i went with MARK, the further away from STEPHEN i would become never to return.I chose MARK, and that people is my regret.i am still ith STEPHEN to this day, 4 yrs on, 4 years of life have gone by and the sickening thing is i am in EXACT same place, exact same position i have always been. I love STEPHEN or at least i think i do. I trust him entirely, i know he will do anything for me and look after me as well as love me no matter what and i the same for him........BUT!!!!!!!!! The feelings i have for MARK are as strong as ever if not stronger. I have mastered the 'out-of-sight-out-of-mind' strategy. But when we are all in the same room I am srcreaming inside and my knees still collapse beneath me. I love this guy in every possible way from head to toe, i think about him whenver i stand still, when i do see himkssing a girl when we are all out together my heart smashes every single time, more so because im not allowed to say anything. Its so so hard because he has no idea how nice he is, he brands himself as this useless boy, hopless with girls and un appeasing to the eye while i sit there loving him in every way. We have a weird relationship now, we avoid being alone together at any given time, we only talk to each other when there is the safety of knowing that other people can hear us but when we do talk to each other is it the most electric thing in the whole world filled with ease, humour and subjects of common ground. Its as though for those moments when we are talking no one else exists. Im afraid that i will be trapped like this forever, i have tried not liking him and it works to an extent until i see him and i crash completely. If there were a way to proove a persons true feelings, i would be willing to put my life savings on it that he likes me also. But MARK is the type of boy that would b happy to sacrifies his feelings to save his freind, i know MARK and I know STEPHEN, MARK wouldnot under any circumstances tell STEPHEN how he feels and im nt particularly keen on breaking a heart to mend my own. I FEEL SO TERRIBLE AND GUILTY AND I JUST WISH I DIDNT CHOOSE THIS PATH AND BEEN A BIT BRAVER. PERHAPS I WOULDNT BE HERE NOW xI just wish i didnt like him so much, not now, not after 4 damn years of torture. So i present to you, the reader, a number of questions. Am i a terrible person? What would you do 'trully' in my situation? Does anyone have a happy ending to a story like mind because i cant imaging the world still functioning if i were to take action.Most importantly Do you have any regrets? For those that do not, and are perhaps just reading this because it happened to be on your screen at the time i pleed for you to have no regretts, no skeletons because with those comes a whole world of troubles and it only maked this life a little bit harder to take at timesLIVE IN THE MOMENT, there is no point in worrying about the future or regretting the past because life moves so fast and most peopl in this world are either running through each day trying to catch up with it, or they are stuck n a position where they become shaped by the things they did or failed to do. Plese dont rush and take the time to explore every possibility. I could use all the advice i can get here, this is my dark secret revealed to the world in hope i feel better xthanks for reading my story
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female
reader, SaintlySal +, writes (27 September 2008):
Bless, be kind to yourself. You are a loveable, loving and worthy of a partnership. Take time for you. Define goals for yourself. Slowly work at achieving those goals. Celebrate and applaud your journey. Continue to express yourself, but do not wallow too strongly on people and things you have no control over.Take care
A
male
reader, L VIC  +, writes (26 September 2008):
oooohhh girl that is a dark one but dont worry to much, do what your heart tell you to do check this out...
first of all why did you break up with the guy you wanted at first ( stephen)?
and also why did you accept to go out with a guy that you really didnt like at first? you put your self in a hard position ...
what you need to do is talk to the guy stephen and askim what are his real feelings for you.. and depends what he say is how you are going to react..
let say he loves you and want to be with you then you talk to mark and let him know that your love belong to stephen even if is to hard for you to tell him that..
but from the other end let say he just want to be friend
then you have to put your mind in mark 24/7 ...
and have to try the hardest to forget about stephen ..
hope this can helpyou realize what you did and what you have to do...
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