A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can somebody please help me! Does anybody else just not get that turned on when they're being intimate with their partner? But finds it pretty easy on their own?I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months now and I thought maybe at the beginning I just found it hard to relax around him, but now I feel completely comfortable around him yet I still find it incredibly difficult to get turned on when we have sex or are just generally intimate.It's not that he is a lousy lover at all, he's very experienced, and has been in 2 serious relationships before and was able to make the girls come most of the time, and yes, he is telling the truth. And he does eerything right, and evrything i've told him I like, and spends a lot of time on foreplay, but I still feel I just have to pretend its better than it actually is.We can make me come by using a vibrator, but to be honest, and I feel guilty for saying this, but I don't really feel turned on at all until the very last few seconds before I come, its not a particularly pleasurable experience leading up to it, I feel pressure to make myself come sometimes and I don't really enjoy myself. Is there something wrong with me!? I love my boyfriend so much, I don't understand how I can't get more excited when we're intimate:(Does anybody have any suggestions?Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): I have a similar problem. The only time I really felt turned on is when we did it in the car in public but lately we just do it at my house and I don't feel anything at all. It seems like I only get turned on if there is something "naughty" about it but when it feels normal or accpetable I am not turned on at all. The last couple of times I didn't even come and last time he tried to do it I didn't even respond. So these are 2 suggestions for myself:
1) Maybe I need to be more involved/proactive in the process.
2) I should tell him to take me out more as foreplay.
3) He should try something different.
I wish I had more proven answers, but I just wanted to share that I am almost in the exact situation. I have been with my ex for 8 months.
One more thought, I think in society in general sex is overrated and people make a big deal out of it when maybe it's not that exciting alot of times.
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (4 May 2008):
 I'm not sure what you're comparing this with -- your previous boyfriend(s) or your own expectations.
If he's not measuring up to your previous experiences, then he needs to try a bit harder!
If he's not measuring up to your expectations of what sex should be like, I think you should relax a little and take your time to explore and enjoy.
Several of your comments suggest that your lovemaking is rather focused on orgasm. Let's face it, coming is not the be-all and end-all of making love. The most important thing is how you get there. If only the last few seconds are pleasurable and you feel you have to force yourself, then you need to forget about orgasm and learn how to enjoy what you are doing together. As I said, that may mean learning to relax and enjoy on your part, and putting in more creativity, passion, and effort on his part.
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A
female
reader, hoplesslydevoted  +, writes (4 May 2008):
 Hi There,
I don't really have an 'answer' for you other than maybe it's time to try new things. You have to think about was DOES get you turned on and add those things into the intimacy with your bf. Toys, porn, etc etc...I haev no idea what 'floats your boat' but think long and hard (pardon the pun) and add those things into your relationship. Also, find out new things that really make him 'tick' and add those. Maybe to see him extremely turned on will help you.
And...if none of this works, then you may just have to continue the way it is. Sex is suppose to be a pleasurable experience so don't let it become a chore.
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