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female
age
30-35,
*aphne...x
writes:Hey guys!I was just wondering something. When you're in a relationship, do you ever get bored of the person you're with and find faults with them easily? This happens all the time with me and is the main reason I find it hard to make relationships work. I've got a habit of looking for faults in people and when I do, they stick in my head and effect the way I feel about the person. Does anyone else get this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): i think its because of your age,with time you will get to know what you really like in your partners and focus more on that,truth is with time every thing will get boring,relationships,marriage etc but you need to appreciate the positives more than the negatives. thats why we hate our families sometimes but we love them all the same.
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female
reader, Daphne...x +, writes (3 May 2011):
Daphne...x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd yes I am very critical of myself lol
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female
reader, Daphne...x +, writes (3 May 2011):
Daphne...x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the feedback! I think it might be down to commitment as I'm not usually in a relationship and I'm just not used to it, but it still annoys me.
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female
reader, lizzie wooly +, writes (3 May 2011):
Oh my goodness this is just how I've felt I hate it though because you think you really like the guy and then they just do something slightly weird and it really bugs ya and you just can't forget it and get over it but to be honest its most probably because you havnt met your really guy yet so far :/ but good luck with any relationships :) ! X
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male
reader, Jackalus +, writes (3 May 2011):
Yeah don't worry about it, I like my gf but I have found many faults with her but I don't care about them because I like her for who she is
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): Yup...I've definitely felt the same thing and have witnessed friends and family go through this same sort of disenchantment with a partner over time.In my experience, I think that that people find faults in their partner for a couple reasons:1) The fault finder isn't interested in their partner and doesn't really want to stay with them but can't admit it to themselves...so they look for valid reasons to break up, hence all the fault finding. Small disatisfactions, small conflicts tend to crop up where there are larger unspoken issues between people. 2) The fault finder is deeply insecure and has a low self esteem. It sounds counter-intuitive, but someone who isn't happy about themselves often focuses on the shortcomings and failures of others as a distraction from themselves. It's a short-term ego boost.3) The fault finder is afraid of commitment...finding fault in others ensures that they never really become content and comfortable with the other person...it's similar to reason #1 except that they fault find to avoid commitment...it's an insurance policy against commitment.Everyone does this unconsciously to some degree...and I tend to think you do it less as you get older, become more secure in yourself, get hurt a couple times and learn how to really appreciate people.... and figure out ultimately what sort of partner you want. It obviously bothers you and you seem quite conscious of it so I don't think you're a rude person...But I do find that the best way to overcome this sort of pattern is strive for honesty, communication and openess with your partner. For instance, it's far better to dump someone by saying, "I think I've outgrown this relationship with you" rather than grow bored and resentful. Good luck out there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): Are you very critical of yourself? I have noticed that people who (deep down) feel bad about themselves (this may be sub-conscious though) can often do this to their partners. Psychologists would say that it's a way of keeping people from getting close to you, because who wants to be around someone who criticises all the time? To be honest, i dont think it means that you are with the wrong person; you just have a very critical personaltiy. My bf is the same and we have talked about this at length and he hates himsef for it but he was criticised alot as a kid. I know he loves me and we stay together as he has fantastic qualities that outway this less than desirable aspect of his personality. But it has taken me ages to get used to him and he does really hack me off at times, but I'm not perfect either. Still, not everyone is as tollerant of me and you should try and work on this and change.
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 Two options: 1. You're with the wrong person. If you're with the right person you might get annoyed at times, but not that often. And even if you do at times, your love for them, or affection for them, will be a lot stronger and you wont get fixated on the "faults". If you're with the right person you don't ever get bored with them either. 2. You've developed a habit of doing this, where you make up faults where there are none to satisfy your need to find flaws and look down on people. This will only be solved if you realize that thinking of people this way is rude, and a bad habit, and it will stop when you stop allowing yourself to look for the faults. It's like picking your nose, you want to do it, but you don't because it is rude. The same with looking down at people or finding faults with them, it is rude, and you simply need to stop yourself from doing it. It's your mind, you have full control over it.
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reader, oliviaclairex +, writes (3 May 2011):
 Oh god, I am exactly the same!I do get bored, and I pick up on the most tiniest things ever. But a lot of that is being paranoid.I'd say, think about how much you liked this person when you first met them, and even when you find a fault, or feel bored, think that you do actually like this person, and you're just having one of them moments.Although, if it's happening quite a lot, then maybe this person isn't for you. Or, maybe it's you and not the person? If it happens a lot, that's what I've recently learnt!x
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