A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does anybody have any advice for handling negativity? I have lost a lot of achieved last few years which has led me to become a little quiet. I am trying to build myself up however I cannot accept negativity anymore. If anybody criticises me I cannot take it. I feel upset and bruised. Sometimes I’m angry, sometimes I’m sad. I NEVER criticise anyone or make them feel bad. I take feelings into consideration. But I am being treated like I am a teenager who has just made his career choices. Nobody respects my success. Everybody is pushing me into deeper depression. I tell myself all is not lost I can do this. Someone will say I cant. So I hide, and do it in secret. Whilst doing it in secret someone else will say something. I can dismiss the thought but it edges away at me that I am not good enough. If you challenge me I will come across happy and strong. But inside I’m empty. Surely I have to stay strong , if I don’t stay positive I will collapse as the world doesn’t care. Last few months I have lost all my friends as they were fed up of me being cheap and struggling. But what hurts the most is my parents genuinely lost faith in me. That is a hard pill to swallow. Yes I will prove them all wrong, but in the meantime I will never forget how I felt at my lowest.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2019): Thank you so much for the replies. It’s not about mistakes as such but I have had string of bad luck. I don’t need anyone to do anything but be that person they were before. I need parents to be parents and friends to be friends. My success or failure shouldn’t result in new issues in those areas when I should be focusing on getting myself up.
I accept everything your saying. I was a strong person and I’m sure I will be again soon. I’m just currently this moment of time in my life struggling to keep my emotions in check, and I feel extremely alone. I have long lists of things to do to improve and it’s working but I am battling motivation. Again I will get through it. I just wish my old friends were here who I wouldn’t need to explain anything to. See here I am again thinking about it.
I am willing to make new friends but for some reason the pain of old ones just won’t go. Yet to find someone in my life who actually contacts without needing anything. I made new friends...they were kind of the same so they have been cut off.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2019): OP, Code Warrior and Wise Owl are both spot on! You could go to a psychologist, and you would not get a wiser assessment of your sitituation! The only thing that I would add, is proceed with your head held high and demand respect from those you meet in life! Always act respectful, to gain respect! Do not be prideful or haughty, in your successes! Do not let anyone bring you down! Getting down, is only your own negative reaction, to their words. Chose to react in a positive way! Trying to avoid all negativity is a foolish mans struggle. Can the heads side of a coin avoid the tails side of the same coin? When you make errors, own them and admit them but do not surrender! When obstacles arise, forge a path around them! Be a nice and kind man, but do not be timid. Embolden yourself to speak out and speak up for what is fair and right! That is what is wrong in politics and religion: The silent majority keeps silent! The Patriarchs, the Heros, the Icons were all just regular people who rose up to do what is right!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2019): Choose your friends more wisely. Learn to succeed without needing permission from others. Your reward and success is for your hard work. People don't owe you applause; if you happen to be doing well for yourself. Sometimes they will envy you, attempt to derail your plans, and try to bring you down. Then you switch into adult-mode, and start weeding-out people in your life who insist on attacking you; or publicizing their contempt for you!
If you make mistakes, don't cave under ridicule and disapproving-frowns. I venture to speculate that one, or both, of your parents may have been a little hard on you. Possibly you've been somewhat sheltered and overprotected.
You're not a child anymore. Everybody makes mistakes; and as long as you live you will! Good or bad, sooner or later, we all make terrible mistakes! Smart-people learn from their mistakes; correct them if they can, and try to help others heading down the same wrong path.
You can't avoid negativity. It's in both you and me! You must develop tools of survival to deal with it. You have to grow-up, and realize...that's life! Depression may be triggered by unavoidable-events, or when things go wrong too frequently; but you also have to develop some sense of reality. The place where nothing bad ever happens is called heaven. You don't get it while alive on this planet, or in this realm of existence. It comes in the afterlife! If you continue trying to be good, believe in heaven, and how to get there. If you don't; then ignore these remarks, and continue to read-on!
In the real-world, you will encounter good-people and bad-people. You try to avoid those who don't appreciate you; and stop attempting to be a people-pleaser. The more you try, the higher they will raise the bar to pacify their jealousy or disdain for you. You owe no apologies for doing what's right, and you're old enough to defy peer-pressure.
You live on planet earth, with human beings. Part of our human-nature includes some negativity. This includes you. You develop some tolerance, push-back when the situation warrants you to stand-up for your rights; and try not to allow passivity and cowardice to monopolize your good-natured personality. If you're a sweet-guy, avoid hanging with the bad-boys and bad-girls! They obviously don't like you! If nice-people seem few and far between; you're probably hanging in the wrong places to find them. If you want to be accepted and validated by the cool-people; they will put you through an initiation that is usually hurtful and meant to make you fail. If they feel you don't belong, they'll punish you for the fun of it! For being what they perceive to be sad and pathetic; or begging for their useless and unnecessary acceptance!
You are learning lessons the hard-way; because you think you can "nice" people into being nice back at you. It doesn't work on all people. You try to treat everyone as you want to be treated; and when you discover it's not reciprocated, you eliminate them from your life. Go forward, and don't look back! You do not return for more punishment! That's being stupid!
Let no-one steal your joy and success! Let no-one rub your nose in your failures! If sharing your achievements pisses folks off, those aren't your friends; and you're old enough to know this!
If you're given to bragging and showing-off, you'll always get negativity; because provoking envy on purpose gets its just rewards! Conceit is a magnet for animus!
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