A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex girlfriend told me that she wants to be single and we should just be friends. I can honestly say we have love for eachother but she doesn't think our relationship will go anywhere. She met a guy a couple days ago and she told me that he gives her butterflies and she never felt that with me. Does a relationship really happen because of butterflies? I haven't seen her for a month and a half and she says that she wuz happy with being with me but she's even happier just being friends. I love her a lot and I just want her to be happy. In a couple months she might want a relationship with someone but I'm not sure if she'll decide I'm the right guy for her. What should I do to prove that we should be together. The only reason she thinks the relationship won't work is because we argue a lot and she never feels butterflies. What should I do. Females only please and no negative remarks.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (2 June 2010):
 You sound like a decent guy, and this sounds like your first time getting dumped. This is a life experience we all have to go through before we learn that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Chicks are ruled by their emotions. Butterflies are, indeed, more important to her than anything else. This is her body's attraction to a more exciting male.
Even if you could win her back, would you want someone who just up and leaves like that? She wants you as a friend in order to sate her own need for an emotional outlet (read: someone to complain to), but she is seeking love elsewhere.
She is not special. Find another girl. You can do it.
Yes, I read the "Women only, nothing negative" bit. Feel free to ignore me too if you think I'm wrong.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 June 2010):
 **checks self** I'm a female! I qualify! :D
First of all, I'm sorry she said that to you. But you don't have to take it as a reflection of YOU. It happens all the time - a relationship starts, but as the two people get to know each other, one or both decide that you're not really compatible. She's got a list of things she wants in a boyfriend, and "butterflies" apparantly are one of them. You can thank the movies and the 50% divorce rate for that.
Unfortunately, the only thing you can do is to let her go. You can't keep her if she's wanting to get away. However, don't take it to heart that she's going for butterflies. Butterflies never last.
Best thing you can do is let her go with with style and grace, DON'T agree to be her friend, grieve the relationship because it sounds like you're a good guy, and keep your heart open for another girl that YOU might feel butterflies with, or a calm feeling, or a peaceful feeling, or a sense of adventure with.
You're a good guy. I have no negative comments to make. Don't let this ex get you down. Whenever one door closes, another one opens. I'm certain you'll meet someone who knocks your socks off, and your ex will regret letting you get away!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 Why do you want to be in a relationship with lots of arguing and no butterflies? Have you ever felt the butterflies? I wont say that what your girl is/was doing is right, but it's not exactly wrong either. How do you know that you and her should be together? She wasn't happy. You should accept that. You can't force her to feel for you what she doesn't. Whether she calls it butterflies or something else, she felt something was missing in the relationship you two shared, and so she left.
If you want her back you have to seduce her and make her fall in love with you, be romantic and make her giggle and laugh. But, no one can make someone feel something they do not.
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