A
female
age
51-59,
*aritaSarita
writes:I have been married for almost ten years and we have a six year old son. My husband has always been interested in porn (every year or so he slips up and I "find" something, particularly quite young women although not illegal), but I have had no clear evidence or suspicions of infidelity. Last Sunday I answered his phone as he was out playing football, and after the call I took the chance to have a look at his WhatsApp messages, I wasn't particularly "checking up", although due to the porn thing I have occasionally had a peek, and found some dodgy thumbnails on a USB recently so am more vigilant (please don’t judge me for doing this, I have my reasons). There were messages to and from a woman who I do not recognise, neither the name nor the face. Her contact is in his contact list. She is pouting in the photo, as if blowing a kiss, nothing dodgy but quite sexy. These are the messages (translated from Spanish): Him: I can’t sleep thinking about those 15 euros I owe you...Her: Hahaha I’ll have to start charging interestHim: Hahaha not at the European Bank rate I hopeThen another message 4 days later saying, and with no reply:Him: I guess that kiss isn’t for me...I should say that our financial situation is quite bad at present, I work hard, and my husband gets paid cash. He doesn’t always have a lot so I wonder why he might owe her money? There are loads of brothels near where we live, in fact he recently worked on the renovations at one so has easy access to these places. I spent hours thinking about it all, didn’t say anything to him, and won’t yet. My question is “should I call her or text her from another mobile number (I am planning to buy another card), or get someone else to do it, a man perhaps?” Yesterday the “kiss” message had been deleted but the others were still there, much further down the page so he wouldn’t think I would find it. Now why would he delete it? I have checked the mobile phone records (I pay the bills so not snooping) and there are no calls to this number. It does not appear on Google.There have been two things that do not add up: Last year we were visiting his family overseas, and on the last day his mother noticed four scratches on his back that looked for all the world like fingernail marks... but of course he swore it wasn't. He was with us most of the time but not always, and the country in question has some very beautiful women... Also when he drove my parents to the airport one evening last week he took ages even though my parents called me to say they were already at the gate. When I said "why did it take so long" (this sounds like I am always on his case but really I'm not!) he said his boss had called him. I decided to have a look at the call log and there was no late night call that day, none had been deleted as my calls to him that evening were there.I should add that we make love very rarely, and have not done so for a long time, I am not comfortable with my body as I am a little overweight and although I enjoyed sex in the past, I feel uneasy. I know I have to deal with this, but it is partly due to my husband’s interest in porn as it makes me feel I can never match up. He has been saying that I am never interested, but if he were to woo me or seduce me then I would not say no. It’s almost like it’s an excuse and with this new suspicion I really don’t know what to do.My husband is a very good husband and father in so many ways, he isn’t the typical “scumbag”, so if this is true I will be devastated, more for the sake of my son. What do you all think?
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female
reader, SaritaSarita +, writes (22 May 2013):
SaritaSarita is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone, Can I just say that all your replies were very good and very positive. I am new on this site but found it very worthwhile, unlike some sites which are just magnets for trolls... Well, I followed the advice re contacting the person, a man called, and she called back, to cut a long story short I don't think she is a "pro", it is someone from a place where he does jobs, so that's calmed that side of things down for me. I still suspect that something is going on, but I am going to leave it for now. It's a wakeup call for me though, I do need to start looking after myself more and try to be more loving again. Let's see what happens. Thank you all very much, it's been a horrible few days but now I am a little more relaxed.
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 Professional prostitutes don't do "credit", so he doesn't owe her money for sex. Prostitutes ask for -all- the money up front and if the guy doesn't have all of it, they don't get laid.
So he may be fucking her, but he's not fucking her and paying for it.
Time to talk to your husband about this. It's obviously making you uncomfortable.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 May 2013):
 Don't plan to be devestated on behalf of your son.... Let him be devestated on his own, for his own reasons....
YOU have a greater problem... a rat for a husband.....
Best advice: Confront him ONCE. TELL him you are aware of his trysts. ASK HIM if he intends to continue with them.. If "Yes," then dump his sorry a*s.... and you and your son can get on with your lives...
If, "No", then insist that you and he take to marriage/family counselling... and MEAN IT.. and that he learn to be a real, honest, faithful man... and continue that for the rest of his life.....
Good luck......
P.S. Again. Don't worry about your son. IF your hubby (his Father) is a cad, he knows, or will know, soon enough....
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A
female
reader, SaritaSarita +, writes (21 May 2013):
SaritaSarita is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have just rechecked the phone records and there are a few calls, all very short (the longest is 24 seconds). I guess what happens is that the "client" calls the woman, who calls him back when she is "free"? Is that how it works?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): Well she sounds like a cheap hooker, 15 euros, thats it?Yes he might be cheating on you. It sounds very probable. Especially since you mention your sex life is almost non existent. Men are like that, if they dont get sex from their spouse/lover they are bound to look elsewhere eventually. If you love him and want to save your marriage you have to start working on gaining your confidence back. You gotta start hitting the gym everyday, no excuses, and get your confidence back. In fact this is something you should do with or without him in the picture. You gotta start taking care of yourself, feeling beautiful. He cant do that for you. Maybe if you need help and motivation you can talk to a therapist and get on a small dosage of anti depressants to help you come out of this funk. You may be mildly depressed. As for the porn, I really dont think that is a big deal unless he prefers it over sex with you. The reality is men have a higher sex drive than women and often resort to masturbation and porn viewing to have their needs met. If he is cheating its most likely because something integral is missing in your marriage (probably lack of sex). I think you guys should consider marriage counseling. I also think you would benefit from individual therapy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): Obviously, he has had sex with this woman if he "owes" her money and he probably has had sex with others. You don't get random scratch marks on your back either.I understand the porn thing. My fiancé is in his 50's and 3/4's of the time wants to watch the Barely Legal porn tapes while we have sex. Afterwards I feel gutted and used and I feel that is the only way he can truly get off and have sex with me. It doesn't "help me" feel any better about my body when I see those young firm girls on the tape but it only seems to help him and make him last longer. He says the tapes will help us learn something. Really? From teenagers? That's a load of b.s.I'd have a man call the number that you have found and see what transpires. Make sure you can totally trust the man that is calling the number. That is the only way I feel you can find out. In that way too, the call won't be traced by your husband if you were to do it.I think you should also have yourself checked for STD. Your health may be at risk if he is cheating on you.Personally, if he is cheating I would be gone. In my heart that is not something I could forgive. Maybe other couples can work through it, but not me. I hope your find your answer. You deserve the truth.
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