A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 21, so it feels ignorant to even be stressing this situation, but I have for an entire year now, and ALL I want to do is let go. I dated a girl that was my entire world for about 10 months, and she has a child. The child became very attached to me, as did she. I got very attached to them as well. It was common to hear the little guy say things to me, such as, "I love you, Daddy.". I would always correct him and tell him that I loved him, but I wasn't daddy. Well, his mother and I couldn't get along for the death of either one of us... And she had one ex that always tried to come back to her. (She dated him for an entire month) He was in the Navy at the time and she would always show me what was exchanged between them, and she told him that she was in love with me etc. Never placed any thought in to it. She was eager to marry me. I tried to tell her that you have to wait to see if it is right etc, but that was just not an answer for her. She begged me to move in, and she just blew my mind being who she was. She always pointed things out about me that bothered her, and I 110% changed for her. And that is where the problem begins. We broke up in October of 2012, and soon to find out, she was back with her sons, father. (He had his 3rd child on the way at the time, by a completely different woman.) Which naturally tore my world to pieces. I had given the Marines up for her, and literally changed my whole life. But soon to my surprise, she was wanting to see me without him knowing. I wouldn't agree, because morally, that felt wrong. We tried to work things out around three times. (she always initiated contact) But I only heard from her once a day if I was lucky. Way too suspicious for me.She called me in February of 2013 to tell me that her and her first husband divorced. Lo and Behold, the papers literally stated that she could not stop thinking of me, and she felt that she had married the wrong person... This made my entire world. But I was quick to jump the gun, because it didn't work.Here I am, in October of 2013, an entire year after we broke up, and I still think about her, and honestly can't move on. I went to her Facebook to get a hold of her, so that maybe I could get closure. Then I stumbled upon one problem... Her last name was different. In less than 5 months, she got back together with a guy that she dated for 1 month, 3 years ago. She married him to beat all. It was the guy that wouldn't leave her alone in the first place. Mr.Navy. That honestly hurt as bad as losing a family member. I immediately cried, and then started laughing about the entire situation. Had I met closure? I guess I did in a sense. I remembered a little detail about the man she married. He is her ex husbands, best friend, (was best friend). I shortly realized that I was entirely blessed to not have her in my life. Looking back now, I do think that she has several demons to hide. Looking back now, It still hurts more than ever. My friends and family like to joke about it, because they honestly think she married this guy because she wanted to get my attention. I don't really care. But I will agree with one thing they all have said. I will hear from her again. When things go south, I am the first person she runs to. That kills me. How do I move on? All I want to do is wake up and feel normal. I don't want to have her on my mind. I don't want her in my life anymore. (I do, but why would I waste precious time on someone who doesn't respect me) How do I react if she gets a hold of me? What do I do? I am so lost and confused!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou all are right. Sometimes, it takes a total stranger's outlook on things in order to make sense, and break through my thick skull! I know that I was ignorant, and yeah, I do know that she took me for a ride. The entire time we were together, I felt like it was me. I really appreciate you guys, and if one thing is for sure... I did dodge a bullet on this. I will NEVER give her the time of day. Oh, and I want to clear one thing up. She last got a hold of me on April 16th, and got married in August. Yeah. I'd rather keep my pride. It is embarrassing to admit she was once in my life.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 October 2013):
 She sounds like she was desperate to be married more then finding a man whom SHE loved and who LOVED her back. Love has nothing to do with it. It's about the "status" and "safety" marriage brings to her. She thinks that IF she gets married she is getting her Happily Ever After.
YOU didn't want to marry her right away and that is probably why it didn't work out.
You said you changed a lot about yourself to please her, that is never a good idea (unless it's things that are basically smart to change - like quit smoking, or drinking excessively.. you know changes that make SENSE) You quitting your career in the Marines for her? Wasn't smart. Not if the Marines was something YOU wanted for yourself. Yes, being in the Marines is not always conducive for family or even dating.
She might have been amazing in many areas, but she seems to honestly have little respect for the men in her life (including you).
Did she marry that guy to get your attention? I don't think so. If she that that would be outrageous and quite cruel to the guy she married. don't you think? My guess is, she has quite a few "iron" in the fire. You said when you two dated the "Navy" guy kept messaging her and wouldn't leave her alone... That is one of the guys she eventually married, so my guess is.... She might have shown you some of her messages to him, but if he kept getting in contact with her, she was without a doubt getting in contact with him. She was playing the "who will marry me" game - keeping ALL her options open in hopes of a ring on her finger. I'm betting that if you had proposed she would have married you too, at least for a little while and STILL talked to the other dudes, just so she had next husband lined up in case it didn't work out. I have seen a LOADS of girls like that when my husband as active duty. Tag-chasers. Girls who would "date" any guy in a uniform in hopes of becoming Mrs. Army/Navy...
How do you get over her? You block her from your life. You stop checking up on her FB, you block her from your phone and e-mail. Even better get a new phone number. Then you take some time to figure out what YOU want to do with your life and go for it.
I would say this to any woman asking as well and to a guy. Don't change yourself to please a partner. They fell for you as you were, so when you change, you are no longer the person they fell in love with (except in your case I'm not so sure this girl loves her men in her life, they are more means to an end - which for her is marriage).
If you are ONLY 21 you have a whole lot of living ahead of you.
Intellectually, you seem to get that she wasn't good FOR you, but you have to really understand that a woman like that isn't at all for you.
And honestly, YOU can do better that her. You should WANT to do better then her.
Focus on YOU. WHAT are your hopes and dreams? Your career goals? Places you want to see? Getting a degree? Whatever it is you need to focus on that and let her to her marriage/relationship roulette "game".
Again, you are ONLY 21, stop wasting your time and life on a woman who isn't truly reciprocating your feelings, she was just using you.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (21 October 2013):
 I'm sorry but do you honestly have NO self worth? You've been treated like shit by this woman over and over again, you know she's someone who just flits in and out of relationships and I can bet she cant even spell and write a sentence that is grammatically correct! You on the other hand seem to be grounded and smart enough to know that this is all horribly wrong...and yet here you are, pining for a woman, who already has been married more times than you can remember!
Come on OP, get a hold on yourself! Stop degrading yourself for someone like this woman! Thank your stars that she's not in your life and you did really dodge a bullet. Just shake it off, get up, wash your face, put on some good clothes, call your friends, go out and have a nice time. Meet new people, read, do what you love doing...and for heaven's sake aim a little higher! Try being with someone who truly deserves you, not just anyone you can get hold of! Of course your family joke about this, if you were MY brother, I wouldn't have let you live in peace!! ;) Come on now, they all know you can do much, MUCH better. Now stop being silly and value yourself a little more. Very soon she'll be history and when you meet the girl of your dreams, you'll thank your fate for having taken this woman away from you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2013): "How do I move on?"
By realizing she is nothing but a lying, cheating little conniver looking for a meal ticket and as such she will always be in search of a new guy who has more to offer than the unfortunate sap into whom she has her claws embedded at any given moment, which is why she keeps running back to you.
"How do I react if she gets a hold of me? What do I do?"
Ignore her. If you have any more contact with her, then she will once again ingratiate herself back into your life, using the child as a tool is necessary. Do not underestimate her, she is a master manipulator who will stop at nothing to get what she wants. Keep that in mind at all times.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 October 2013):
 I understand why your family would be joking about this. I myself couldn't keep track of man A, man B or man C. At her rate, by the time she is old she will be able to beat Zsa Zsa Gabor's record. Definitely read this famous celeb's quotes on love.
Don't look at her facebook and don't pick up the phone. Give yourself no reason to react to anything. Let her fade in the back of your mind.
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