A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey all... I'm back again talking about the same girl that I've talked about in previous posts, with the party and the creepy joke and me pouring my heart out to her and failing. For those of you who don't know this long and painful story, here it is:So I'm 16... There's this girl that I have known since first grade. When we were in first grade, she liked me... alot, and I liked her too. After that school year, she stopped feeling that way, but I didn't. We stayed really close friends until 2006 when I finally got the courage to ask her out... She said no. My cousin, who I'm still thankful for convinced her to say yes for me. Later that day, which happened to be her tenth birthday, we met at the skating rink for her party. There was no kiss, no flirting, never a mention of our new relationship. Just a "Hey" and a hug. As time passed, our relationship never seemed to advance. We never kissed, talked on the phone, never had one of those "talk about us" moments, or anything else romantic. When summer of 2007 came around, I decided to ask a friend of mind to break up with her for me. After that was done, I thought all was fine. We still texted each other every day and stayed close friends. In 2008, she had a house party and invited me, my friend Jared, and some of her friends from her school. This is where I feel everything went down the drain. It all started when I tried to make a joke. I said "Hey everybody, just letting you know I'm a terrorist and if I press 5 on my phone, everything is gonna blow up." It got some quick pity laughs, and things kept rolling along smoothly. A few minutes later, I said it again. This time, everyone just stopped and looked at me with an expression that said "What the f**k is wrong with you?". After the quick awkward silence, things were back to normal. I remember how shy I was being the whole time, and how I felt socially invalid. Even after that party, and my awkward moment, we continued to text each other daily. In 2009, after breaking up with another girl, I started to develop feelings for the first girl again. We still texted each other, even though not quite as often a before. I asked her out again and gave me the infamous "I like you as a friend line". I kept my feelings for her with me for the next two and a half years. In late December of 2011, I finally just poured my heart out to her, letting her know exactly how I felt. I couldn't hold it in any longer. We talked about finishing the conversation at a new years eve church service. Once I got there, I texted her, asking her if we could talk. I got no reply. I spent new years day this year sad and angry. I haven't spoken to her since then, but I can't stop thinking of her.-So there you have it. Now I know what you're thinking... "Why would you want to stay friends with a girl like this?" My answer? I love her! Plain and simple. I know things will never be the same between us, but I just want her back in my life. I was going to send her this message:"Hey, it's Seth... I know we have a really rough past and it's going to be hard to get past that. I know things will never be the same between us, but if you're still willing to be friends then I would like to start talking again."-Now I know saying anything to her at this point makes me seem terribly weak, but like I said... I love her, and she makes me this way. I can't help it. Let me know what you think and if I should try to remain friends with her (if I can). I really miss hanging out with her. :(
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2012): alright man . Im gonna give it to you straight. ! LISTEN TO ME ! I was a hopeless romantic when I was 16 onward . I have stories you could write movies and books about . best thing you can do is delete her from facebook . any kind of communication . It helps a ton . Go out and change your style . get some new clothes . new haircut . etc . attract other women . You will build confidence and youll eventually not feel the need to "love" this one girl . travel when you get old enough . the world is huge ! take advantage of it . Im 23 now . I still go through the girl phase . I recently asked one out and now shes all I dunno and ignores me a tad . so you know what Im doing . avoiding her at all costs ! clinging onto someone who doesnt want you as badly isnt worth it ! John Cena once said about advice for a girl . -If she aint bite'n she aint worth it !- that was the best advice . take it in . chew on it a little . itll make sense in some time
A
female
reader, Sakari2  +, writes (17 July 2012):
 Hey, So I guess over the years this has always been in your system and therefore made an impression on your psychologically. You know what I actually don't think it would cause any harm sending that message... you ahve shown that your sorry and want to be freinds again yet you have made it clear its up to her to decide to make contact. After some things I have been through with guys I know that I wouldn't react badly to this message. If she does make contact just keep things real casual no 24/7 texting or anything you never know she has also known you for a long time and she might miss having you around as a friend too... just see how things go and try not to pin all your hopes on it, maybe start socialising with more people yourself, being happy within yourself creates a positive attitude which makes people want to hang out with you more.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2012): she's let it be known on more than one occasion that she only sees you as a friend. if you are okay with simply just being her friend and don't try to pursue anything more from her, i see no reason you two shouldn't be friends.You made a statement about why would you want to stay friends with a girl like this. Truth of the matter, she hasn't done anything wrong. she hasn't led you on or toyed with your emotions. she has been completely honest: you are her friend. so i think the ball is in your court, honestly. either you can accept being only her friend, or you can't. if you can, i would definitely send her that text. if you can't, i would leave it be. it doesn't make you look weak to tell her you'd like her to be your friend, though. far from it.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (17 July 2012):
 Look, she was TEN when you asked her out. for heavens sake, she was a child! She might have liked you as a pal, but most likely her sensing that you wanted "more" scared her half to death - even though she might not have wanted to let you know her reluctance.
You say you "love" her. It's clear that sentiment is not returned.
Even if you do want her in your life, you have to face up to the fact (much as you don't like it) that this is not what SHE wants. Guess what? she is perfectly within her rights to choose not to be with you - and unless you want to be a real pest about it, there isn't a thing you can do. Attempting to "make" someone love you just doesn't work. Furthermore, even if she were to agree to go out with you for the sake of peace and quiet she would resent being pressured.
You might have meant your "terrorist" comment as a joke, but obviously your friends all thought it showed poor taste.
You say you can't help it. I say you CAN help it. By which I mean you have your feelings, but you don't have to ACT on them. You can show real consideration and respect for her choice by leaving her alone and eventually finding someone else to date!
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