A
male
age
36-40,
*usician
writes:Hey guys,Here's the deal. I'm 27, have always loved, adored, and fantasized about women. I've also been incredibly insecure, especially around women, and since I moved in with my woman about 1 1/2 years ago, I've been increasingly having unwanted gay desires. They really bother me, not because I have anything against being gay, but because I never believed it to be who I am. I say this from experience of loving women and not men. Men were never my thing, up until this started happening.I am in therapy now, and my therapist thinks that this rise in gay fantasy is from me avoiding this relationship (possibly), because living with a woman is the hardest thing I can do. I have always had issues with women, but it never stopped me from being severely attracted to them and falling in love with them. And now that I'm close with one, it really brings up a lot of pain I've experienced in the past that I've avoided and is manifesting in unwanted gay fantasy. So I think.What's your take on it? Do you think this may be the case?Cheers!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 March 2013):
 I think its a phase.
A
male
reader, Musician +, writes (10 March 2013):
Musician is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Mandy,I don't think I'm too ashamed to admit it. I've "come out" of the closet as gay or bi a million times now to my family and some people to ease my distress, but I can't accept it because of my strong heterosexual nature my whole life. I've tried fantasizing about guys many times before when I was younger, probably like many normal boys, but it never worked. Always women were my desire.Today, after having a bit of a post-therapy breakdown, my fantasies began to switch to very young girls, because in my mind they are the most non-threatening. I strongly believe my biggest physical attraction is to adult women. I am just so scared of the consequences of failing with them, or the complications of a relationship, which in my mind go along with the fantasy, that I can't bear myself to go there. But I'm positive that if I didn't have my fear, it would be real women in my mind forever.In general, I was always repulsed (to a large extent, if not more) or just not in love with male anatomy. Woman's anatomy, on the other hand, was pure and beautiful. Felt like home to me. So these days, when it reverses itself, it's a bit distressing, because it just feels wrong to me - not morally, but on a personal level. But yet those fantasies persist, and while they are ok on some level, they are quite heartbreaking to me, like my true love is dying.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (10 March 2013):
 HI
I think you need to elaborate a bit more before getting a clear answer. You say men was never your thing up until now? which may suggest you are hiding your true feelings, that maybe you are gay but too afraid or ashamed to admit it. But unless you can explain a little bit more of what is going on, no one can really give a well rounded answer.
Mandy x
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A
male
reader, Musician +, writes (9 March 2013):
Musician is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Chigirl,
Truly beautiful answer. Hugs.
Other answers are also appreciated.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (9 March 2013):
I think you should listen to your therapist.
And, listen to me on this one: if you're no gay you're not gay, no matter how many sexual fantasies you have about men. Don't let dreams or fantasies freak you out, they aren't ever meant to be taken literally.
I say go with the flow of the fantasies. Don't reject them, if they give you pleasure then go with it and see where it takes you. Maybe by confronting your fantasies, and living with them, you learn that it's not so scary. By going with your fantasies I mean try to relax and enjoy the fantasy. Don't act on it or cheat with a man... I don't think this has anything at all to do with any real desire to be with a man. But I mean go with the fantasy in your mind and see where it takes you.
As for fear and anxiety in your relationship, and a fear of women.. That's something you need to talk to your therapist about.
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