A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi just want opinions here so i know im not letting myself in for trouble. This will be long!Was seeing a guy for five months, we never went out but i wanted to as was crazy about him. Reasons we didnt go out are because he didnt want to at the time and because we didnt see enough of each other. I think the going out thing for me was something i told myslef would solve the problem of not seeing each other often enough.Gave guy an ultimatum told him to go out with me or else we'd be finished as five months was a long time to be with someone without that commitment. He made his decision but didnt tell me as i was at a friends party and i asked him not to as id be upset if his answer was no. He went so far as meeting up with me but didnt ring to say he couldnt and never told me he didnt want to go out until the next day. We kept in contact as friends, and i began to think he was regretting his decision. Met up with him a month ago as it was my birthday we ended up kissing and we both just sat there and were in shock. We talked and he said he would like to give going out a go as he really missed me and he said he would see me twice a week and i would be meeting his parents so i could stay in his house after a night out or whatever so it would be easier to see each other. Thing is i was considering moving away from home anyway nearer to my job so we both just said we'll wait till i do that before going out as i would have my own place so it would be easier to see each other.Question is after previous experiences, do you think this will end up in me being hurt again by him? I want to give it another go but at the back of my mind is the thought thaTt i will end up being hurt. Am i being a fool even considering taking him back? Thanks in advance for any help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a million for the help, appreciated!
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (27 October 2008):
 OK now I understand a little more about where you are coming from.
If the move out of home is for your work and the fact that your relationship with your parents is extremely strained then make the move for YOU and only YOU right now. Do it when you can afford to it or move in with other friends or somewhere you know you can be safe like some sort of house share with other girls. If you look for somewhere on your own make sure it is in a decent neighbourhood and that you are not being taken for granted when it comes to paying the amount of reasonable rent for the accommodation you are getting.
Sorry can't help being a mum even though I'm not yours. I guess as a mum you can see elements that can be risky so just words to the wise that's all.
I am not saying this relationship would definitely end in tears and if he said about you meeting his parents so that you could stop over sometimes then he must be half decent. How the sleeping arrangements would be considered is something else but I think you can get a general feel for someone when you see what their parents are like and where they live.
Just take things at your pace that is all I am saying, get yourself established and settled before making any drastic moves. Tell him you would like to see him but at the moment the tight leash your mum has you on makes things very difficult. If he is genuine he will wait till you are ready to make the move.
You can always mail me direct at any time OK.
Take care of yourself and speak to you soon maybe.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for thr advice. I would like to try dating but the thing is due to different circumstances we only used to see each other about once every two weeks-his job, my job, and my mam is really strict and hates me going anywhere.This is why moving a little bit away would make it easier but i had that in my head since i started my new job as i dont get on with parents, and have to be up real early for work.I just really like him but i wont go there if it will end in tears.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (27 October 2008):
This is a really hard one to judge I must admit as you haven't had any real experience of dating him properly and you have only seen one another as friends.
Now you have been a little more intimate there is the fact of you moving out of home and having your own place. Don't put yourself under too much pressure just yet as getting your own place will also mean a lot more expenditure for you and don't do it just so you have a place he can come to so you get some alone time.
Why not try dating for a while i.e. seeing one another a couple of times a week like you had said prior to you mentioning you might get your own place and just say that after working things out it may take you a little longer to get your deposit together etc and also Christmas time coming up.
If he is serious about you he move mountain and earth to spend time with you. However, if he says well lets wait until you get your own place then he really is after one thing and nothing more, not a true relationship.
Dip your toe in the water and see what his reaction is. Don't regret it with never finding out so this way if he is serious he will make the effort to spend time with you and seeing your regularly.
Keep us posted OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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