A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have dated him for seven years since high school,been there for him in thick and thin,we have had aminimum of 4-5 breakups and he even once left me for another woman.when he came back,i forgave him.he has not been working since we are all fresh university graduates but i have avoluntery job am doing.he wanted to breakup with me again because he needed to sort out him self thats to say between me and the other woman.with my little efforts,its me who has been paying house rent,his feeding and that of two of his siblings and medical care.however,i got pregnant and when i told him,he said he wanted to get drunk.a few days after,i started felling sick oftenly and he sent me amessage saying that i calculated my moves and trapped him.he would take me to hospital and leave me there.it would be my relatives to look after me and pay the bills.afew months ago,he disappeared and i tried sketching him until he wrote to me an email saying he was out of the country and that God bless me in all my endavours without mentioning anything about the pregnancy.on top of that,he ran away with rent money,left me with debts and even refused to tell me where he was specifically and cut the communication links.i checked on his face book and looks like he wanted to get back to the other woman but she was abusing him publicly to an extent that he removed her from his friends listam now eight months pregnant and praying for my kid and my self but its not easy to handle it alone.do you think such aman will wake up one day to come look for his kid? what do you advise me to do in such a situation?
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debt, drunk, money, trapped, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy dears,am so grateful for the support you are offering me in such a kind of situation.however things in uganda work so different.the legal system is so corrupt and one needs alot of money to access justice.two,uganda is apatriachial nation where such things aint given alot of consideration and three the ministry of gender,labour and children is the smallest and less funded which shows how our government is not into issues of my kind.however am very grateful for people like you out there who are willing to make me strong and advise me.God bless you
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): Im not sure how it works in Uganda, but in the U.S. if you have someones full name and social security number you can put them on the birth certificate and file for child support. You can look into the legal channels there, and I'm sure there are organizations that will help you to do this. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, sweetspicy  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 you can hire a lawyer and a private investigator, or talk with social serices they can be a real pain in the a$$ but they will help you and your child find him
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your advice but how can report someone whose way abouts i dont know and who doesnt even reply my emails?
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A
female
reader, sweetspicy +, writes (14 April 2010):
As a single mother I understand what you are going through, No woman should have to raise a child alone. You should look to your suportive friends and family for help in raising your child. To me it doesnt seem like he was ready for the shocking surprize that you gave him but deep down he knows he has a child out there. Who know if he will ever truely except this. It's not something that needs to be delt with at this time, you are pregnant and will make a wonderful mother.
Don't stress yourself out that's the last thing you should be doing, relax for now and enjoy being pregnant.
If he doesn't want to father his child it's not something you can force him to do. If you try to force him to play the role of the father it he could give your child a bad upbringing. If you need support from him to help you raise your child, get it from him. And just because he is paying for his kid doesnt mean he necessarily will wan't involvement but eventualy it is something you are going to have to talk with him about. Also take into consideration your childs feelings are you ready to put up with "mommy I want to see daddy" "where's daddy?" Your child as do all children will want the security of having and knowing the father. When you try and hide a child from the other parent later on in life they will realise it and might want an explaination.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): it depends on what you want to do. Do you want him to come looking for the baby? If you do than put him on the birth certificate as the father of the baby. He will have full legal rights to that baby, including partial custody. Take legal action to get financial support from him.
If you do not want him to ever be part of the baby's life than leave him off of the birth certificate. He will have no parental rights and will have no financial obligation. However, if one day he finds you and wants to participate in your child's life he could request a paternity test and legal rights. But that is long and difficult, so he would have to really want it.
Nobody can tell you what to do though. That depends on your life situation, family values, culture, etc. This guy sounds like a terrible person, and I would say you are better without him, but again, who am I to say that? I wish you good luck.
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