| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend, whom I live with, just recently started putting his hands on me for small nothing fights and calling me names and talking down to me. He wants to control all the money even though he says it is our "money". He says he acts like this because of depression. Do you think this is the "real" him? Or should i look into getting him help from a doctor?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 October 2006):
Get out of there NOW! Depression is not an excuse for violence against you. You are in danger, get out NOW!
-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (18 October 2006):
 Hi Anon,
This does not sound like a healthy relationship at all. It might be depression, but it could be many other things, too.
Until he gets help, I strongly advise that you move out. You don't want him "putting his hands on" you regardless of what kind of fights take place. That's a huge warning sign - what would ever happen in a big fight?
Before this gets any wose, get out of there - and fast. That's not saying to break up with him, but I definitly think that keeping your distance while he's getting help will be extremely beneficial to your wellbeing.
And please, anon, don't view this as something small. If you do, he will think it's "okay" to keep doing what he's doing and his problem may get worse. By addressing the situation - you moving out and him finding help - you will be doing BOTH of you a favor.
BTW - If I were you, I would let *him* find the help. If he really values you, he will want to take the initiative to fix his own problem(s). You will have enough on your plate while trying to find a place for you to reside while you two work through this.
Take care.
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