A
female
 ,
*Angeliquex
writes:Hey, well I have a problem and it's making me feel down. It just seems like nothing is going right at the moment. I'll cut to the chase, concerning my family, my dad is an alcoholic and has abused alcohol for as long as I can remember, and despite small efforts, he's never really been a real father to me. It's always been my mum, and my dad was, and is, the one to rely on for lifts to college or to town at night etc, that's his only role. He just sits in his room all day, does nothing and speaks to no one, unless he's out drinking. After that, he comes home and usually verbally abuses, attempts physical abuse and generally disrupts the household. It can happen for nights on end and my college work is affected by this.Anyway, that aside, concerning boys of my age, I never can seem to have a real relationship. Because guys would refer to me as attractive, they take a liking to me, and most times I instantly fall for them, almost too quickly. I think I act too clingy at times because the ones that I genuinely like, I've never ended with. They become distant, and I try harder with them and make more effort to keep it going, but it always fizzles out. I always have to settle for ones I'm not too keen on.. I don't understand why. There's a guy who I like now in the year below, and he'd taken a real liking to me but I fear I've came on too strong and now he's becoming distant. My friends recommended I try to 'play the game' like I'm not bothered and he'll come running, but I'm worried incase it backfires and he doesn't.. then it's yet another guy that I genuinely like that I haven't ended with. It's just happened far too many times now and I'm growing impatient, I just want a boyfriend. Guys in the past I've been with for only flings because it was what they wanted and I was willing because I just wanted that affection. It's like I thrive on their affection and I don't like it at all. It sounds odd, but I feel kind of lost without a guy in my life. I always want to have atleast one on my mind, it doesn't feel right if I don't. I want to change and feel better about myself cause oddly enough I'm a really confident person but I just crave male attention all the time.. And I really want a boyfriend.. Do you think there's a link between my father problems and my relationships with boys of my age? What can I do to help myself? I hate this, I just want success in relationships and not to feel so dependent on guys' opinions of me and attention that they give me. I think of it as an achievement every time I catch someone looking at me and guys look quite often. My other nice looking friends don't like it but I never seem to bore of it. What's wrong with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): Hi. I have been in a very similar situation to you. My dad used to drink heavily too, and he has never given me any attention, it has always been my mom. Things have improved lately though.I do think that you are right about there being a link between your father and the other guys in your life. Again, my experience with my dad has damaged my relationships with guys too. I think that the way you are feeling is understandable. You have never had a male give you love and affection, so of course you will be craving it, and this might make you come on a little strong with guys. Is there any way at all that you could perhaps try and build some kind of relationship with your father? Or a family member, like an uncle or grandparent? If this is really bad for you though, then I think it might help to talk to someone about it, maybe a counsellor. It can help you to make sense of some of the things that are going on for you.I really hope things work out okay, and if you ever want to send me a message then please do so. Like I said, you sound a lot like me.Take care. x
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