A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What should I do?My 7 year relationship ended 3 weeks ago. I am 24 years old and he's 27 years old. We argued because I said he only wants to be with his friends and told him he didn't care about me. He says he loves me and cares about me but he thinks that I love him more. He told me he's been feeling like this for a month. We talk everyday and see each other once a week but he still kisses me and hugs me when we're together. He says he hopes his feelings change with time. He doesn't want to be selfish and make me wait for him. He says if I feel like I have to move on in order to forget about him that he can't stop me. He says he won't like it but if this is too hard for me he doesn't want me to keep being hurt. He says he doesn't want to be with anybody and knows what he'll be losing. At the moment he says he doesn't want to be in a relationship and that if I'm still available when he's ready I would be perfect for him to marry. He told me that he started thinking alot about us especially since I graduate next year that I deserve someone that could offer me a future when he knows he could never give me what I deserve. What hurts the most is that a month ago his friend started having problems with his girlfriend and thats when my ex started going out even more than usual. Could his friend be influencing? Do you think there is a possibility that we might get back together?
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 July 2008):
 You've made the right choice. Not because of ending a friendship, but because it's hard to move on if the past keeps you trapped from doing so. It's like he wants what he wants, but also wants you to stick around to suppliment what he doesn't receive. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to him. Both of you deserve happiness. If you can't find it together then it's time to move in a direction to open up your options in finding it.
Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, after almost 3 months of thinking about if I should still be part of my ex life I told him I couldn't be his so called friend. Since our break up in April this month in a half we've been getting along but he still doesn't want me as his girlfriend. When I told him I need time to think about why I want him in his life he said that it hurts that I'm doing this now because we're getting along really well. He told me he didn't expect this but that he has to respect my wishes. He told me he doesn't want this but I told him that if he still doesn't want me as his girlfriend I don't want him as my friend. He said that how can I erase all the years that we have shared together by just cutting him off by not being his friend. I told him I don't see him as a friend and that he doesn't see me as one so that he has to figure out why he wants me around too. I told him that I'll call him when I'm ready to be part of his life because nothing is changing. Will this time let him think of how much I mean to him and of what he wants to do?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, after almost 3 months of thinking about if I should still be part of my ex life I told him I couldn't be his so called friend. Since our break up in April this month in a half we've been getting along but he still doesn't want me as his girlfriend. When I told him I need time to think about why I want him in his life he said that it hurts that I'm doing this now because we're getting along really well. He told me he didn't expect this but that he has to respect my wishes. He told me he doesn't want this but I told him that if he still doesn't want me as his girlfriend I don't want him as my friend. He said that how can I erase all the years that we have shared together by just cutting him off by not being his friend. I told him I don't see him as a friend and that he doesn't see me as one so that he has to figure out why he wants me around too. I told him that I'll call him when I'm ready to be part of his life because nothing is changing. Will this time let him think of how much I mean to him and of what he wants to do?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 May 2008):
So he does want to marry you but wants to sleep around and see if his feelings are genuinely true love first.
How nice of him.
In my opinion he might be just seeing his friend let loose on the dating scene and be jealous... But actually dumping you and risking the best thing in his life because of that makes me think he's a total idiot and not the kind of man you want to rely on for the rest of your life.
You can do one of 2 things.
1. You can wait for him. Let him go off and have his fun and then he might come back and marry you, but you'll always resent it, and he will know he can hurt you really badly and mess you about and you will just take it.
or
2. Tell him fine. You understand and appreciate he's been straight with you, rather than just cheating. Then go off and don't speak to him for a while. Don't hold hands and kiss him if you see him, but make sure you look amazing. Tell him you have been asked out and it's so strange dating for the first time in 7 years. Make him see what he's missing and what he's throwing away. He'll soon be back with an engagement ring and begging on his knees.
I think there is a good possibility that he's just seeing the commitment there and realises he wants to live a little first, as he has been with you since he was a teenager practically. But you have to make him see that this is the biggest most stupid risk he has ever taken.
Don't have any physical contact with him. He doesn't get to hug and kiss you - he threw you away. Make him long for you, make him lust after you, make him see that you are better than any girl he is ever going to meet in a club.
Be strong and you will be fine. And hey, you might realise that this idiot, who was willing to give you up so he could slum around for a bit simply isn't worth waiting for. I bet you'll be surprised how many guys want to take you out. Go on a few dates of your own. It can only help make your boyfriend jealous and you can check he really is the one for you too.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 May 2008):
I believe temptation is influencing. It seems as if he wants to take other women out for a test drive. That's the only thing I can think of with his explanations.
(1) He loves and cares for you.
(2) Giving permission for you to move on with someone else.
(3) Knows what he's loosing.
(4) If you're still available, he may get back with you and thinks you're the perfect person for him to merry.
And, of course his not wanting to be in a relationship right now.
What I want you to understand is not to listen to him and his reasons. He's giving you up right now. That's plain and simple. No explanation is needed. As far as relationships go. There is not much that irritates me more than someone ending it, and making it seem as they do it for the benefit of the person they end it with. What a cop out. Shouldn't he allow you to make the decision if he's good for you or not? He's doing this to avoid responsability.
Sory to hear about the break up. It's hard. I hope all works out for you.
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