A
female
 ,
*una~
writes:Do you think the topic of when to get married should be discuss while we date? We have been dating for 2 years already. I dislike forcing him to propose to me when he’s not ready. We are thinking about moving in together in the next 6 months. My boyfriend just started his own business and would like get it going until a stable amount will be earned every month. He hinted to me that he wants his wife to be with a man who earns enough to live a comfortable life. That way, my parents will be happy for me to find a good husband. The reason I’m concern is because he keeps telling his family and friends he doesn’t want to get married ever again (he was divorced once). I think he only say that to them because he doesn’t want them to keep asking when he’ll get married with me. My best friend said she and her boyfriend discussed about getting married since they were dating for 3 months. My boyfriend knows I get concern about the topic of getting married. He said to me he would love to spend the rest of his life with me. He also asked if I want to too. I know he’s serious about our relationship. So from the sound of it, does he really want to get married with me in the future?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): My uncle was single until he was in his late 30's when he got his 1st girlfriend. They got married shortly after meeting. He was totally in love with her. She ended up screwing him over. He eventualy met another woman. They've been dating for like 5 years now. She had been nagging at him to get married, and he has told us, his family, that he wouldn't get married again. He kept puting it off with her. She kept the nagging up. He got her a tiny ring eventually, he could have afforded her a bigger ring, I think it's because his 1st wife used him for $ so he didn't want to be used again. They did get married last July in a small ceremony up north. She stood by him when a lot of us thought she should walk away. I never thought he'd marry her. But he did. Stay by him, teach him that you're not like his 1st wife, and that you can be trusted. It is unfair of him to treat you like this because of something his ex wife did to him. Just give him time, stay with him. Maybe even start nagging at him in a couple years or so. I do not think that currently he is ready to marry you. Give him time.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (12 September 2007):
 The business is his excuse to keep putting it off. The fact that you have been together for 2 years and still not talked about it is a RED FLAG.
I would suggest that instead of asking him WHEN, maybe the both of you need to ask WHAT.
What are your beliefs about marriage? What does it mean to each of you? What are your EXPECTATIONS in a marriage? (That one is extra important). What does he want his day to day life in a marriage to be like, and can you support that lifestyle (whatever it is) for him? That is where I recommend you start with. The rest will flow from there without you pressuring him.
He got burned, and does not want to get burned again. I doubt he is sure he wants to marry you at this point.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 Yes, I think it is a good idea to discuss feelings about msrriage early in te relationship. You do not have to set a date or plan the wedding but you should express your feelings to him about getting married. But you should also keep in mind that if he says not right now doesn't mean that it will not happen ever. Keep an open mind and take into consideration that he treats you well and that you are happy.
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