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female
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anonymous
writes: Do you think that you should accuse somebody if you have no proof of cheating? But what if they have a history of cheating? Do you think people can change and not cheat anymore or is it once a cheater always a cheater? I been with my boyfriend for five years now and in my mind he is always cheating in the beginning he cheated on me all the time but now he says that he has changed and that he has nobody else but lately he is gone all day and I hardly ever talk to him he goes to school for one class and when I ask him where was he at he says he is there at school or doing something else. What should I believe please help I am so stressed and I don't know weather to believe him or just move on do you really think people can change?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): No, you do not accuse a loved one of cheating not without undeniable proof. Even if there is a history or there is a change in his daily patterns, his unreliabiltiy to you, even if he's being quiet/secretive is still not a good enough reason to accuse him. If you have no absolute, solid, without a doubt proof (rg: text messages, emails, phone calls, or seeing him cheating, in person)-you wait until you have it, before accusing him of such a thing. The very best you can do, is continue to cheat-proof your relationship because, yes, your relationship is in trouble, but not from him cheating, hun. It sounds like it might be that you two are simply drifting apart. Instead of turning away from him and thinking he may be cheating, why don't you take steps to bridging the gap here. Try to peg down the problem within your relationship and talk about it. You can take steps to repairing the gap between you too, by beginning to be more involved, communicative, loving and more in tune with your relationship. It sounds like you both have forgotten to be simply good partners to each other. My best suggestion, is to work hard and put in huge efforts on your relatioship every single day of the year. Doing this will make you both happy and content, over time. Now, insread of 'thinking' he is cheating, go the positive route and start rebuilding what you both had.
A
female
reader, Manya  +, writes (30 January 2007):
I think that if you are super-stressed about imagining that he is cheating, that
you should just ask him. Especially since he had the problem in the past. It's
no fun to accuse someone, and you've already been through so much already that you must dread bringing up the subject once again, but i think you may have to, but maybe
say it from a positive angle -- like that you'd like to see more of him, and
tell him that it fills you with dread when he's gone so much because of what
happened before. maybe he will 'fess up, OR realizes you miss him & need
someone who treats you with love. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Nico  +, writes (30 January 2007):
 Hi,
In my past experiance cheats never change but everyone has different views, some people can forgive and forget but i can't. If he cheated at the beginning it wasn't a very good start, if you think how it is at the moment you could be with him for the rest of your life and have kids with him then stay with him, but if theres a lack of trust and you will always be wondering where is he going? etc..i think you should leave him and find someone who actually gives you attention and treat you how you deserve to be treated. Hope it works out for you whatever you decide.
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